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Reilyn

Araki and I lay panting in each other’s arms. I combed my fingers through his hair, loving the silky texture of it.

“I never thought….” Araki stroked my lower back and over my hip. My legs were still wrapped around his waist.

“Never thought?” I pushed.

He rested his head on my pillow as he smiled at me. “I never thought I’d ever fall in love. But it seems I have. With the most unlikely of people. An assassin from the Nightshade sent to kill me.”

My stomach clenched at the reminder. I pulled myself closer to him, not wanting to think about that. Instead, I tried to focus on his words. He loved me. And yet… tears welled in my eyes. I ducked my head to hide them, but Araki saw anyway. He pulled back slightly and touched my cheek, “Did I say something wrong?”

I shook my head.

“I didn’t expect you to cry.”

Not wanting to leave his warmth, I pulled back all the same. I felt like I was lying to him. How could I accept that he loved me if I wasn’t entirely truthful with him?

“Hey.” Araki touched my chin, encouraging me to look at him again. “What is it? Tell me. Please.”

I swallowed hard, unsure of where to start. Finally, I pulled myself into a sitting position. I let the blankets fall off mybody. It was warm enough here without them anyway. Araki’s eyes skimmed over my naked flesh but returned to my face soon enough.

“I have a lot to tell you,” I said, sorting through my thoughts. “And it’s difficult for me to say. So. Please be patient with me.”

It struck me how absurd my request was. Araki had been nothing but patient with me. From the start of this, when we were stuck in the Forest of Shadows, he had been patient and quietly letting me come to my conclusions. He’d only pushed me when I needed to be pushed. I touched his face, trying to express what I couldn’t say in words. He kissed my palm and nodded for me to continue.

“Have you heard of spells that can implant false memories into another person’s mind?” I asked.

Araki pushed himself on his elbow. “I’ve heard whispered words of it. A terrible spell.”

“What of it?” Araki asked then his jaw hardened as understanding dawned on his face. He jerked upright, kneeling on the bed. He opened his mouth as I sensed anger flood our bond, but I pressed my fingers to his lips, stopping him. It was difficult for me to say, even if I knew I truly couldn’t be held at fault.

“Opaline used such a spell on me,” I whispered. “When I fell sick from the poison, I saw the truth. I was abandoned by my parents when I was a small child. Master Briggs found me. He adopted me and raised me. Then, when I was sixteen, she decided she wanted me for a different reason.”

“To kill me.”

I nodded. “I remember master Briggs argued with her before she put a spell on me. But I think she used a similar spell on him, making him forget who I was and how he had raised me. Maybe he somehow broke the spell, remembered… and that’s why she killed him. I don’t know if I’ll ever know.” I grasped at straws.

Araki took my hand in his and squeezed.

“I don’t know where she got the memories from or if she just made it all up.” I rearranged the pillows to lean against the headboard while holding his hand. “But I still remember. It’s like I have two pasts, two lives, in my head. Only one seems like a dream. The false memories.”

I looked away. It was why I couldn’t read the way I remembered. The reason that nobody recognized me in the palace. Because none of it was real, it had never been real. I had been taught to read, but only enough to follow orders. I had never been to court because I was nobody important. A starving child abandoned by parents that didn’t want me. A child who happened to have been rescued by the wrong person.

“She made me think I was the true heir to the throne. She gave me memories of living in a palace near the seaside. Loving parents who doted on me. She made me think I was special. Important. That King Thebe was my father’s older stepbrother. And that he declared me his heir.”

Araki rubbed the back of his neck, his eyebrows furrowed. “Thebe had no siblings. Not even stepsiblings.”

“I remember him throwing me into the air as a little girl, talking about how one day I would be a fabulous queen and bring prosperity to all the people.”

“He’d never say anything like that,” Araki said with hatred. “He was not a kind man.”

“It’s difficult for me to work through all this. But I thought you stole a crown meant to be mine,” I admitted, ashamed of my words. “I thought you’d murdered my parents. I wanted to kill you, not just because I was convinced it would be better for the kingdom to have me as a queen rather than you as a king, but because I wanted revenge. I wanted to kill you the way you killed my parents.”

Araki looked away, sighing heavily.

I laughed bitterly. Even though Araki wasn’t pulling away from me, I still felt stupid. Like I should have known better. But how could I? Opaline had put false memories in my mind and had turned me into her weapon. How could I have fought against magic I didn’t even know existed?

“I was falling in love with you while thinking you killed the people I loved most,” I whispered. “She was smart to give me that backstory. If it weren’t for those fake parents… I would have questioned why I needed to kill you long before I did. I feel like such a fool.”