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“And you’re so scathing of me.”

“I found a club, and I first learned by having a woman dominate me.”

Something flared in her dark eyes. “Oh.”

“It’s a safe way to learn,” I say.

“But you… You’re not into that.”

I shake my head. “No. I’m not. But again, it gave me a safe way to experience it, and to understand what a submissive is going through. I’m a hands-on learner.”

She looks jealous. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what her expression indicates.

“You’re not topping me,” I say.

“I don’t want to,” she says.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” she says. “I guess I’m just… Shocked. It just doesn’t seem like something you would even be capable of doing.”

“I wasn’t good at it,” I say. “But I had the experience and then started training. After that, I had experiences with submissives who knew what they were doing.”

“Do you remember their names?”

“No. Do you think this is like a virginity loss story? Where you feel all these things and then cry after?”

“Is that how losing your virginity was?”

I lean back in my chair. “No.”

“Me either. I was just tired of being a virgin. I was twenty, and it seemed stupid. So I had sex with John and then after thatwe were in a relationship. I didn’t cry. It wasn’t good enough to cry.”

He laughs. “Scathing.”

“But I’ll remember your name. After this.”

I look at her, something tightening in my chest. “I’ll remember yours too.”

I don’t know how else to tell her that she special. I shouldn’t tell her any other way. She smiles at me and then goes back to eating her dinner. After she leaves, the house feels too quiet. And I find that really fucking irritating.

Chapter Seven

Avery

I’ve been thinking a lot about my conversation with him. In fact, it’s all I’ve thought about for three days. We haven’t had a scene since that night. I feel like he’s giving me space. Space that I don’t want.

But I wonder if it’s space he needs.

And I know that I’m not supposed to push him. I could message him in the app, but he didn’t tell me to. But it didn’t seem like he was finished with me after we had dinner together. After we had such a nice exchange. But maybe…

Maybe he regrets telling me about his mom. Telling me about his past.

I’ve gone to his house every day, but have only scarcely seen him during that time.

I thought a lot about what he told me. The losses, what he went through. His control issues. The way that he learned how to be the Dominant that he is.

I shiver, remembering our last time together. It pushed me to the edge, and I loved it. He’s skilled. He knows how to make me feel vulnerable and cherished all at the same time.