Page 3

I shrugged. “Yes. I’ve been keeping track. And nothing. No change. The same nightmare, the same flashbacks. I can even smell those dead animals, all of them. It’s like being there all over again. He might as well come and take me every night.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know that.” I tapped the side of my head. “I know it here. While I’m awake. Once I close my eyes, it’s a different story. I can’t control it.”

“Have you considered…”

I held up my hand. “Please. Don’t.”

“Humans do it all the time.”

“What else does my mother have to say about this?” I folded my arms, glaring up at him.

In the old days, if Elias had even dared try to tell me what to do, I would’ve sliced him open with my tongue and liked it. I used to love telling him off, especially when I knew there wasn’t anything he could do to stop me.

“What makes you think I was speaking to your mother?” His dark eyes were nearly unreadable, but I didn’t need to read them. I could sense his uncertainty and guilt.

“There’s no reason why you should know how humans handle things like that,” I reminded him.

I couldn’t help smiling, even though it would only encourage him to go behind my back again.

“Listen. I know you want to help, and it bothers you to see me like this, but I’m not telling my problems to a human doctor. I don’t want one of them trying to get into my head. What happens if they ask what I do for a living? Or even how old I am? What if they do blood-work on me and find something out of the ordinary?”

“Of course. You’re absolutely correct. Although I wonder why a mental health doctor would need to draw blood.”

“Quit while you’re ahead,” I muttered as I turned away.

He snorted gently but went back to his room. I could relax a little when I was alone again.

It had helped to talk with him, even if he couldn’t give me any real advice. Having a conversation with a real, mostly-live person shook away the last shadows of the nightmare. For the time being.

I leaned against the window and wondered if I’d ever get a decent night’s sleep again.

* * *

She tiltedher head from side to side as she looked me over. “You’re still not sleeping. You look terrible.”

“Thank you, Mother.” I shrugged into my robes with Holden’s help.

He was more solicitous than Elias.

I wondered if I would ever stop comparing them in my head. Maybe time would change that, too, just like it would eventually sweep away my nightmares.

“Did you speak to her about what we discussed?” she asked Holden.

I shot him a look to keep him quiet and glared at her.

“Yes. He did. And it’s a ridiculous idea. You know we can’t open ourselves up to prying doctors. We don’t go to them for help.”

“Except in case of an emergency.” She stroked my black hair with her heavily-ringed hand.

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t pull away, which I considered to be progress. “I don’t think this constitutes an emergency. An emergency would be getting split from sternum to groin and my guts spilling out. That’s an emergency.”

“Please. Don’t be disgusting, Vanessa.” She shuddered before raising her hood. “And don’t make the mistake of thinking this conversation is over.”

“Why would I do that?” I whispered as she floated away with her robes trailing behind her.

She was difficult enough to get through to before Mariya left, but in the months since she lost a daughter, Mother had doubled down when it came to protectiveness.