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My Secret Plan:

After thinking about it and now being sure my baby is in great danger of being used as a pawn in a bratva power play, I know that Ruslan will never stop hunting for me or my child.

There is only one way I know how to keep her safe, and I hope I can pull it off. No, I hope I have the strength to pull it off, as this is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

It also means deceiving everyone I love and care about.

While I know Gavriil and Irina deceived me, they had their reasons; in a way. They will have to be deceived as well, but first, I’m going to force the truth out of them.

I turn the page.

Day 2 – Find help for my secret plan

A crazy thing happened today as Clyde helped me move into my late father's cabin in the middle of next to nowhereville.

Clyde showed me a tattoo beneath his arm. It was a small blue diamond. Like the one I saw in the picture of me as a baby, which had been tattooed beneath my arm. The place where I now have a smooth pink mark from what I thought was a mole being removed.

Turns out, he was part of the experiment, too. We can now say one of us, and I don’t feel like the only freak around anymore. Clyde was Jewel Initiative subject number ten. He had a twin sister who was subject number nine but died within the first few weeks of the program. Her name was Elena.

Clyde and a few others from the project managed to escape with help from someone he won’t talk about.

He’s going to help me with my secret plan.

Still not sure I trust him, but he didn’t know Ruslan was there that night.

He swears he didn’t know Ruslan would be at that cabin, that Konstantin lied. I don’t know if I believe him entirely, but I need his help. I’m desperate.

Day 3 – The Big Ask - Phase one of my secret plan

The big ask. The even bigger lie.

I begged Sabrina to fake a pregnancy so we could pass off my child as hers. It was no surprise that she believed the story about the affair with Gavriil, after all, it was still a hot topic in the gossip press. I told her Irina threatened me and I had to disappear. Sabrina is fiercely loyal and protective, and it doesn’t hurt that she thrives on chaos, so of course, she said yes.

God, I love her.

Day 4 – The Waterworks - Phase two of my secret plan

I met with Irina and Gavriil and turned on the waterworks. Shook like a scared little thing. Told them Ruslan said I wasn’t pregnant and that I didn’t know what was real anymore. I asked about the scan from Moscow. Was that a lie, too?

Irina cracked.

She said I was pregnant, but not with their baby. I was already a few weeks pregnant. Gavriil and Irina begged me to stay off her brother’s radar. Then they dropped another truth-bomb and told me that Irina was pregnant from the last round of IVF. They just needed a few months, and she couldn’t travel until she was over the five-month mark. They needed to keep Ruslan from knowing Irina was pregnant. If he was looking for me…

I wanted to punch my best friend in the nose for what he said next.

… then he’d be too distracted with the hunt to realize Irina was pregnant. When he realized they would be long gone, disappeared. My hand curled into fists so tight I had bruised palms from where my nails dug in. What the fuck do they think I am? That’s when I realized love is a fucking selfish emotion that steals all compassion and common sense from a person’s mind.

But I nearly snapped when they turned around and said they’d adopt my baby once Irina had given birth.

Yeah, fuck that. But I pretended to agree.

More lies for the greater good and a big fuck you to my best friend. Or at least my ex-best friend as he just no longer cares a fuck about my well being. I’m just meant to sit around chumming the waters.

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TARA

My jaw clenches as I remember the looks in Gavriil and Irina’s eyes as they all but begged me to stick to the original plan where Ruslan was supposed to think the baby was Tara’s and Gavriil's. Only now they all knew it wasn’t, and I’m more than sure Ruslan knows as well.