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But then why does it feel so…bad?

FORTY-SEVEN

Sam

Ipour another glass of bourbon, watching the amber liquid swirl against the crystal. The bottle's nearly empty. I can't count how many I've had since yesterday, since I left her.

"You're free."The words tasted like poison. The look on her face when I told her we were done haunts me. She was devastated. That's my fault too. I forced her to be here, to be with me, even when she begged me to let her go. I gave her some kind of sick addiction to me when I'm the worst thing for her. Worse than cigarettes or this bourbon that fills my glass. She's better off without me.

I take another sip, the alcohol no longer burning on its way now. I'm somehow both numb and feeling too much. This must be what purgatory is.

My men are out celebrating. The war is over and the Costellos own New Orleans again. Victory should feel better than this. The Serpents scattered like roaches when the lights came on. Axel is dead. The only missing piece is Kade, still on the run.

We won. So why does it feel like I lost everything?

I down the rest of my bourbon in one gulp. The glass slips from my fingers, rolling across the carpet. I don't bother picking it up.

The door to my office bangs open. John stands there, Adrian and Naz behind him.

"Jesus Christ," John mutters, taking in the disaster zone I've created. Broken glass. Overturned furniture. Papers scattered everywhere.

"Get out." My voice sounds strange even to me. Rough. Hollow.

Adrian steps forward, kicking an empty bottle out of his path. "You look like shit."

"Didn't ask for your opinion." I reach for the bourbon again, but Naz moves faster, snatching it away.

"This isn't helping anyone," Naz says. "Especially not you."

John crosses the room, yanking open the curtains. Sunlight floods in, stabbing my eyes. "Enough of this. You're the head of this family. Act like it."

"She almost died." The words tear from my throat. "And Roman's dead because ofme."

Adrian sits across from me, leaning forward. "She killed Axel herself. She's stronger than you think."

"That's not the point." I press my palms against my eyes. "Every person I care about ends up dead or broken. My mother. My father. Now I almost got her killed too."

"So your solution is to drink yourself to death?" John's voice cuts through my self-pity.

"What do you want from me?" I snap.

"Pull yourself together!" John shouts, stomping over until he's leaning over me. "Get up,cugino."

I stare up at him. "You giving orders now?"

"Someone has to. Come on, I have a gift for you."

I let them drag me across town to one of our warehouses. Between the three of them, John is lucky he's my cousin and Adrian and Naz are lucky they're dating my cousins. Because right now, I want to kill the lot of them.

But I wouldn't do that to my family.

My real family, the ones who love me, unlike my aunts and uncles who don't care.

I know they're just looking out for me, but I want nothing more than to hide in the darkness of my home and drink until I can no longer feel the sorrow that's burrowed into my chest.

Naz opens the garage door and John pulls the car through. I step out to the sound of muffled screaming. There's someone strapped to the metal table that's bolted to the floor. Tan and inked skin is on display, and it takes a few blinks for me to realize he's naked. A few more, and I realize who he is.

The bourbon buzz slowly subsides as the pieces come together.