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“Nah. But I did wanna let you know that I think you’re fucking awesome.” He starts washing his empty cup in the sink.
“Okay?” I frown in confusion and he turns to face me after placing his wet cup on the draining board.
He chuckles. “When I say I get it, I get it. See this?” He lifts the sleeve of his hoodie and shows me a dagger tattoo on his forearm from his wrist to his elbow, but as I look closer I see it’s not just a tattoo. It’s a scar. “My dad did that one.” Then he steps back and lifts the material to show me his hip, where there is yet another long scar, covered by a tattoo. “My step-dad did that one.”
“Wow.” There’s not much else I can say because I’m in awe of how nonchalant he’s being about the way his body was scarred by people who were supposed to love him. At least I never had that fantasy. I always knew what my role in the household was, even when I was with Mom.
“I know all this is still new, but I thought I’d let you in. We’re all a little bit broken in different ways, but we get through it because we have each other. We trust and love each other. Scars and all. I ain’t ever seen Bear as happy as he’s been the last few days and I like ya, but just don’t fall into the trap of letting your past rule your future. Let it shape ya. Like I said earlier, you’re a fuckin’ badass, and that’s because of what you’ve been through. But if you’re struggling, talk to someone. Okay? I just wanted to let ya know I’m a great listener if you need or if Bear pisses you off.”
I nod, tears clouding my vision because I didn’t expect this from him, but I’m finding these people do a lot of things I don’t expect.
“Thank you.”
“Y’welcome. I’ll deny this conversation until my last breath, though, if anyone asks.” He grins and bounds back into the main living space as though he didn’t just impart some wisdom.
I follow with my fresh cup of eggnog and just as I’m about to sit next to Bear on the couch, he grips my hand and pulls me onto his lap.
“You good?” The words are whispered into my ear, tickling at the skin on my neck.
“Mmhmm.” I fall backward, leaning fully into his big, hard body.
He takes my cup from me and places it on the small table beside the couch as I nestle into him, getting myself comfortable. His heavy, safe arm wraps around me and I let my eyes close for a few seconds, sighing happily while I listen to them talk about the next racing season.
I’m jostled awake and suddenly aware that it’s really quiet. I open my eyes when the warmth enveloping me disappears, replaced by a cool sheet, and the firm surface is now soft.
“Hey, Baby Girl.” Bear is sitting in a chair beside the bed, and it doesn’t look very comfortable.
“Why are you there?” My voice is a little croaky, likely from the best and deepest sleep I’ve ever had in my life, all while in Bear’s lap. Now, though, I miss him, and I know how silly that is, especially with him sitting right next to me.
But that’s the problem. He’s sitting on a chair, and I’m lying in a bed.
“Didn’t wanna leave you alone.” He strokes a few strands of my hair away from my face.
“Will you lie with me?” I almost didn’t ask, nervous about his answer.
“Of course.” The grin he gifts me could melt an iceberg, and I love that he hasn’t asked if I’m sure. He’s trusting that I’m making a cognizant request rather than trying to tell me what I want or assume how I feel.
I realize I’m still fully clothed when he stands and I lift the sheets back for him, and yeah, I’m tired, but I don’t want to sleep in jeans, and he’s already seen most of my scars.
My entire life, I’ve barely given them a second thought, mainly because the people who saw them were the same ones who put them there. It never occurred to me that I’d have a man like Bear caressing them instead of inflicting them. The way he carefully traced each one with his fingertips when he was checking for the chip was like he was learning every inch of me. He wasn’t disgusted by them, and that is more than I dreamed possible.
I climb out of bed just as Bear leans forward to pull his socks off.
“What are you…” He trails off when I unbutton the jeans and begin sliding them down my legs, quickly followed by the leggings I was wearing beneath them. Next, I grip the hem of my T-shirt and lift it up and over my head. I don’t have a bra on, I don’t own one, so I’m standing in front of this beautiful big man in just my panties. All the while, he doesn’t move a muscle, his eyes are on mine and they’re full of heat.
It’s intoxicating to do this on my own terms and have this kind of reaction. It’s nothing like the leering attentions fromthemor their friends. It’s a whole new experience that I want to bottle up and keep forever. My body is shaking a little, more of a light tremble, because while this is exhilarating, it’s also really scary.
Without saying a word, I climb back into bed, scooching over so he doesn’t have to walk around to get in beside me.
“You’re something else, Athena.” He stands, lifting his hand behind his head, which shows off his hard, muscled arms, it makes my mouth a little dry. Grabbing the neck of his black T-shirt, he pulls it up and over his head, revealing abs for days.
Next, he unbuttons his jeans and they drop down his thick legs, leaving him in just his boxers. We are now wearing the same exact amount of clothing.
Our gazes are locked, our grins firmly set, and that throbbing, breathy feeling I have only ever experienced with Bear comes rushing over me, eliminating the fear that I’ve been trying to control.
I lift the covers for him to slide into bed beside me and he takes a step forward, but his grin quickly fades. He stills, then frowns, and just as I’m about to ask him what’s wrong, his eyes roll into the back of his head and his body fails him as he collapses to the floor.
I scramble to move, to see what’s wrong, to help, but with his big body no longer standing, I can see thewhat’s wrongwith my own eyes.