Page 72

“Hudson…” Honour barely made out the word. It was getting harder and harder to breathe by the second. Hudson wouldn’t ever be caught off guard like this. She’d never allow someone to sneak in and attack her.

“Who the hell is Hudson? That’s such a weird name.” Zendalia grimaced, but she was distracted enough for Honour to take advantage.

She pushed her arm up and over the back of Zendalia’s neck and caught her head in the crook of her arm. She pushed up with her tail and flipped them over, wrapping her arm tightly enough that she would choke Zendalia if she held on much longer. She’dgo to sleepas they said, and Honour would love every second of taking back the control that Zendalia has so easily snatched from her.

Zendalia twisted hard, popping her head out from Honour’s control. Growling loudly, Honour pushed upward so she was no longer stuck between the floor and Zendalia. She wasn’t going to let Zendalia get the best of her. She needed to win this.

She had to.

Just one win in this entire mess she’d created.

“Who’s Hudson?” Zendalia asked, backing up and preparing herself for another round of fighting.

Honour shook her head, the vivid image of Hudson writhing under her touch immediately coming to her mind’s eye. The fistconnecting with her cheek stung, knocking her head back and her chin up with a snap.

“Fuck!” Honour muttered, wiping the back of her hand across her face and clearing the blood from her lip.

“What’s wrong, General? Still can’t focus?” Zendalia’s lips quirked up in a grin.

She was enjoying this way too much. Honour had to put her in her place. If anything so they were both in the right mindset for this war.

“Are you a bit obsessed? Infatuated?” Zendalia’s teasing continued.

“Shut up!” Honour roared.

She charged forward and missed as Zendalia ducked down and wrapped her arms around Honour’s middle and pushed her directly into the ground. Her head thudded off the floor loudly, the crack echoing through her skull and making lights sprinkle in her eyesight.

“Love doesn’t make you weak,” Zendalia stated firmly. “In fact, it can make you a hell of a lot stronger.”

“Shut up.” Honour tried again, but this time it definitely came out weaker than before. “She doesn’t love me.”

“Do you really think that?” Zendalia held her elbow against Honour’s throat. “Or do you just think your entire life is war and nothing else? That no one could love you?”

Honour hardened. Her jaw tightened. Rage burned in the center of her forehead. “Fuck you, Zendalia.” With everything she had, she flipped them over one last time, using Zendalia’s own arm to choke herself. “You know nothing.”

Zendalia gasped.

“She doesn’t love me. Hudson doesn’t love me. All I have is this fucking war we’re going to lose.” She tightened her grip on Zendalia, watching her face change color, deepening intoa darker shade of reddish-orange before turning into a blue. “We’re all going to die.”

Zendalia’s eyes fluttered shut slowly.

Honour grunted as she released her grip. Zendalia gasped for air, coughing and sputtering. Honour had taken that too far. She’d known it as soon as Zendalia hadn’t been able to breathe, as soon as she’d started to fall asleep. Guilt racked her, eating away at her belly and in her chest.

“There’s more to life…” Zendalia gasped “…than war.”

“No. There’s not.” Honour fisted her hands and shook her head. “There’s nothing for me but war, and in this case, a war to end all wars. I can’t save Kyree. I can’t save Hudson. I can’t even find Soulara to attempt a rescue of her.”

“Stop saving other people.” Zendalia pushed up onto her elbow and pinned Honour with a sharp look. “Save yourself.”

“W-what?” Honour furrowed her brow.

“Stop trying to make the world do what you want it to do, and just feel for once. You aren’t just a general. You aren’t just the leader of the troops. You aren’t just Soulara’s advisor.” Zendalia moved up slowly, swimming in and cupping Honour’s cheeks lightly. “You are more than your title. And you’re scared because Kyree—and whoever this Hudson person is—they see beyond that.”

“No, they don’t.” Even as she said the words, Honour knew it was a lie. Zendalia was right. Honour just didn’t want her to be. Honour wanted to keep the bubble around herself, protect the world from the monster she knew she could be, from the killer she’d pledged herself to become.

“Hmm…” Zendalia held Honour still. “Stop lying to yourself.”

Without another word, she swam away, leaving Honour in the wake of her emotional overload. Honour stayed still, daring herself to go back out to the troops, to finish the inspection, to rally them and give them a speech that would inspire.