Page 103

I glance at her again, the way she’s practically folding in on herself. Like she’s shrinking. Like she wants to disappear.

And it hits me. Not just the weight of what she said, but what shedidn’tsay. That she’s still trying to hold it together. That her nervous system reallydidfry hours ago, and she’s just floating now, barely tethered. We’ve been here once before, and there was one thing that brought her back to the ground.

“I mean…" I exhale and rake a hand through my hair. “You don’t always have to be used, you know, you can do the using.”

She blinks. “What?”

I don’t look at her. I just keep driving. “Remember when we got ice cream?”

Her head turns slowly. “Yeah.”

“I know what it’s like. Feeling like you have no control. Like people take and take and take. But if you need to, if it helps–” My throat’s dry. I cough once. “If it helps to suck my cock like you did on the way home from the river, you can.”

She stares at me. Those brown eyes wide. Lips parted.

I smirk, but it’s weak. A front. “I mean, I’m not gonna pretend it won’t be hard for me, having that warm little mouth around me. I’m walking around with a loaded gun in my pants half the time you’re near me. But this…” I shrug. “This wouldn’t be about that. You wanna feel like you’ve got a choice, I’ll give you one. No strings. No pressure. No demands. Just you taking what you need, like you did last time.”

“No strings,” she repeats. Even in the dark, I can see the embarrassment on her face, but in her voice I hear the interest.

“If that’s what you need, I’m giving it to you.”

The silence after is thick. Her breathing getting shallow, faster.

“You’re serious.”

“As a fucking heart attack.”

And then she shifts. Slowly. Like she’s testing gravity. Like she can’t believe I’m real.

Her hand slips over the console. Rests lightly on my thigh.

“Okay,” she says. “I want to.”

I exhale, long and slow, adjusting my grip on the wheel as she leans over and unbuckles her belt. She’s hesitant at first, still unsure, and I almost help her, but then her hand presses to my zipper. Her fingers tremble a little as she pulls it down, pulls meout. I’m hard, just talking about this got me thick, but I don’t apologize. This is about her. She needs it, in a way that I don’t really understand.

Her head lowers into my lap, and I keep my eyes on the long, dark road, with nothing but pines and shadows ahead. I adjust my seat back an inch, giving her room while keeping one hand on the wheel, and the other braced against the door, jaw clenched like a vise.

She touches me with careful hands, like she’s holding something delicate, which makes it worse. I bite back a groan when her lips part and the warm, wet heat of her mouth surrounds me.

Fuck.

This is a bad idea.

I use every ounce of strength to keep my hips on the seat. She takes me in slowly, inch by inch, lip catching on the piercings I have threaded on the underside. Her eyes flutter closed like it soothes her, likethisis the only thing in the world that makes sense. Her hands curl around the base, steadying herself. I can feel her breath in sync with mine. The hum of her contentment melts into the rhythm of tires on the blacktop.

I keep my eyes on the road, but it's getting harder to focus. My thighs tense. Every nerve in me lights up like a match. Still, I don’t move. I don’t thrust. Idon’t take. This isn’t about that.

She’s still, barely moving, holding me in her mouth, slick and warm. Her cheeks hollow as she suckles gently. I run my hand down her head, smoothing her hair in the same slow rhythm that she holds me between her lips.

“Good girl,” I manage through clenched teeth. My voice is tight, rough. “Take what you need.”

She hums at the praise, and the wheel jerks. I nearly slam into a telephone pole. I grip the wheel harder. Veins popping in my forearms. I breathe through my nose, steady and low, whileher tongue flattens along the piercings, pulling a hiss from my throat.

I could come in seconds. But I don’t.

I won’t.

This is a test, I tell myself. I’ve edged her more than once, drawing her as close as possible before taking it away. She liked it, and fuck, I think I like this too–the closeness without chasing something bigger. The soothing feel of her warm mouth around me. It’s calm and gentle. Her hand squeezes around the base, like she wants me closer.