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“No. I’m worried I’ll change my mind.”

Evan had to travel to Cincinnati for his next game, and I was actually glad for the time apart. Because part of me worried that I would attack him again the second I saw him.

I tried to focus on what needed to happen next. I had to tell him everything about Brenda and the story and my involvement in it. When I watched the game on Sunday, I couldn’t even enjoy his performance. My stomach felt like it was feeding on itself. Twisted and knotty and not good.

Because I knew the fallout from this would be epic. I could only hope that he loved me enough that it wouldn’t matter.

When he got home late on Sunday, I texted him to go home and go to bed. Not only because I knew he was tired, but also because I wanted to delay what I knew was coming. We made plans to get together Monday after practice.

Coincidentally enough, we were scheduled to see each other at the same time my whole world would end.

The next day at work, Brenda called me into her office for her regular but brief interrogation.

Only she didn’t ask me if I had any information on Evan.

“Follow me.”

I did as she commanded, and she led me onto the set ofSports Today, our evening news/sports show that had all the recaps and scores of the games that day. The two hosts were sitting behind a big desk, getting their makeup touched up.

Brenda held a paper on a clipboard out to me. “Sign this. You’re going on air.”

“I’m not signing a ...” My voice trailed off as I realized what she had handed me. It wasn’t a reprimand. It was a release form.

One of the crew members came up and put a wireless microphone on my lapel.

“What is happening right now?” I asked.

“You are officially out of time. Either you’re going onSports Todayto tell the world you’ve slept with Evan Dawson, or you can go back to your desk and pack up your things.”

“This has to be some kind of joke,” I said, even though I knew it wasn’t. My outrage that she wanted to hurt Evan overrode every instinct that told me to be quiet and suffer through whatever she said. My authority-figure anxiety could suck it. Time to stand up for me. And for Evan. “Do you really think I’m going to lie, throw away my integrity just because you want me to?”

“Oh, sweetie, you left that in Evan’s bedroom along with your scruples and morals.”

She looked crazed. Like a Disney villain during the final act of the movie. She forced a pen into my hand and then put her own hand on top of it, as if she was going to make me sign. I dropped the pen and the clipboard.

“Honestly, Ashton. You are such a child,” she hissed. “When I gave you this assignment, I thought, ‘Finally! A kindred spirit!’ Someone who knows what it’s like to be rejected by Evan Dawson and who wanted revenge. Only instead you fell deeper under his spell, like a little idiot.”

This was not what Brenda had been selling me all along. She’d made it about ratings and, I don’t know, like, girl power and glass ceilings. Now she was saying it was personal? Why? “Revenge? What did Evan do to you?”

I didn’t expect her to answer. But it was like she’d become unhinged. “We dated. You think you’re the only one who ever dated Evan ‘Awesome’ Dawson? We met at an ISEN event, and he invited me back to his place. Where I assumed he’d finally drop the charade. That we were both grown-ups and that his invitation meant what it means to every other man on the planet.”

Understanding smacked into me, hard. “You’re the naked girl in the bathroom. He told me about you.”

That only made her outrage worse. “I walked out into his family room with nothing on. Do you know what he did? He put a blanket around me and asked me to leave. Threw me out like I was trash. He said he’d call. He didn’t. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?”

I didn’t really know what to make of this. Brenda was clearly obsessed. I’d spent so much time seeing her as this scary professional that I’d never even thought about her personal life. Or what psychological disorders she might be suffering from.

“If you do not go on this show and tell the world that you and Evan have sex, your career is finished. I will personally guarantee that you never work in sports again.”

“I feel sad for you,” I said, and it was true. In part because I’d been where she was. So consumed with exacting revenge for a slight that I thought had been caused by Evan that I had been willing to be unethical. To lie. To do whatever it took to get the story.

I wasn’t interested in being that person anymore.

“Ten minutes to air!” someone called out. The show was about to begin. There was no way I was going on camera and lying, just for my job. I’d never been willing to do that. I would have gone to just about any length to find out the truth, and I probably should have quit my job when I’d realized Evan was telling me the truth.

It was a job I’d known for a long time that I would have to give up.

I should have made that sacrifice for him. And for myself. I should have admitted I couldn’t have my cake and eat it, too.