Page 24

Laying her down gently on the bed, she moaned softly, but didn't wake up. Sitting down beside her, I pulled the covers up over her legs and lifted her head to add another pillow.

She looked so innocent, laying there in a deep sleep, unaware of what was going on around her. A peaceful glow emanated from her face, causing a twinge in my heart. Stroking my jaw, my fingers itched to touch her skin, to feel the softness against the pads of my fingers.

I couldn't explain why I had the urge to touch her so badly, but it was there, eating me alive as I watched her from above.

Maybe it was her innocence, or maybe it was my emptiness and eagerness to have those normal feelings like everyone else. It wasn't that I wanted to be cold, I just didn't have a pot of feelings to draw from.

“So what happened?” My mother's voice filled the room as she walked up beside me. “Is it just her head?”

“I lost control of the car and we crashed. I did what I could for her head, but she complained about her chest hurting before she fell asleep.”

Gently, my mother touched her arms and belly, feeling around her neck and the bottom of her skull. Pulling out her stethoscope, she listed to her breathing, slipping the metal bell down to her stomach.

“Her lungs sound good, stomach too. I don't think she has any internal bleeding, but she definitely might have a broken rib or two.” Standing up straight, she rested her hands on her hips. “I'll take care of the cut tomorrow, we'll let her rest for now.”

I felt my mothers eyes as they bore a hole into my head. She was glaring at me, brows hard, lips taut.

“What?” I asked, letting my eyes connect with hers.

“Where did you go tonight?”

“I went out to grab a drink. Why?”

“Mm,” she sighed, obviously doubting my explanation. “You really expect me to believe that?”

“I told you to stop with that shit. Stop worrying about me, stop thinking that I'm going to go running back to him, because I'm not.”

Laying her hands flat against her thighs, she tilted her head as she spoke. “Look, I know that this has been hard on you, it's been hard on all of us. But you can't be out there, you know that. Stop going to look for trouble.”

The skip in her voice told me she was trying not to cry, that she was doing her best to stay strong. It was typical of my mother to try and pull out my emotions, to read too much into something or look at me like she had lost me along the way.

She wanted so badly to have the boy she had raised and not the person I had become. I suppose it was natural for a mother to try and protect her son, to give helpful advice and nurture her child.

I just wanted her to stop and leave it alone. I wished she would just be happy that she still had one son, a son who was trying everything to right his wrongs.

“Mom, don't, not right now. I know—”

“Porter, I just worry, that's all. I'm afraid for you and what this is doing to you. You're not the same person anymore, you're different. You show up with a strange woman and tell me you crashed the car. You're distant, you're angry. I can't do this, if I lose you too. . .” Her words trailed off, eyes welling up.

“You won't lose me, I'm not going anywhere. I promise.”

Frowning, she closed up her bag of medical supplies. “Don't make promises you're not ready to keep, Porter. Not when I know you're going out there trying to fix what you can't control. You need to change, you need to stop getting in over your head.”

“I'm not doing anything.” My voice came out short and firm.

This wasn't her concern. I understood that I was her son—her only son, but that didn't change the fact that something had to be done.

I couldn't live the rest of my life waiting for them to find me. I couldn't live with myself if I just sat back and did nothing to get justice for Zander.

The police weren't going to do shit, they didn't care about a lowlife thug who had gotten in over his head.

Those people weren't going to stop, not until I was dead. That's how they worked. They gobbled up lost and broken souls, only to destroy them in the end. I would never be free unless I took control.

That's what I was doing, I was taking my life back.

I wish I hadn't waited so long to do it. . .

“You want what you'll never get, Porter. You can't fix what you broke.” Grabbing her bag, she started for the door. “It's late, she'll be alright, just let her rest. We'll figure this out tomorrow. You can stay on the couch for tonight, but I don't know what your father is going to say about all of this.”