Page 76
Story: All The Darkest Truths
The revelation hangs between us. This isn't just about desire or compatibility. This is about Alex believing he's fundamentally toxic to anyone who gets too close.
“You think you'll destroy me,” I say, not a question but an understanding.
“I know I will.” There's no arrogance in his voice, only certainty. “Shattering you will strip away that last piece of humanity inside of me. I can’t let that happen.”
I search his face, seeing beyond the cold exterior to the pain beneath. The fear.
“I don't think you give me enough credit,” I say quietly. “Or yourself.”
“This isn't about credit. It's about protection. Your protection.”
“From you? The man who's risking his life tomorrow to save my brother?”
His jaw tightens. “Those things don't erase what I am.”
“And what exactly are you, Alex? Because from where I'm standing, you're a man terrified of his own desires. A man who's convinced himself he's some kind of monster because that's easier than facing the possibility you might actually be worthy of a connection.”
“You don't know what you're talking about.”
"Don't I? You think you're the only one who's afraid of what they're capable of?" I step closer, refusing to let him retreat. "I've fantasized about killing The Collector. Not just killing him, making him suffer. Making him experience every moment of pain he's inflicted on others. Does that make me a monster?”
“I’m worse than a monster. I’ve tried to bury it. Starve it out. For years, Vesper. I did everything I could to lock this part ofme away. The partshecreated.” His mother. His first kill. The decaying root of the darkness inside of him. “That part of me? It never left. It’s always there. Right under the surface. Just one thread away from snapping loose. And if it does…” His voice drops. “There’s no putting it back.”
“I’ve seen that side of you, Alex. It doesn’t scare me. Do you think I’d love you any less for embracing that side of you?”
“You should be. I’ve let myself get close to someone, thinking that maybe this time things would be different, but voices are still there. That night you shared my bed? The voices begged me to mark your skin.”
My chest tightens, but I stand my ground. Alex thinks he’s so unredeemable because of what his mother trained him to be, but my own father did the same to my brother. The same for Oscar, Zaire, and even Talon. This world we live in doesn't allow for weakness. The families breed ruthlessness. It’s the only way we can survive.
“If you knew the kind of thoughts I have,” he goes quieter now, like it’s a confession meant for no one. “The kind of things I fight every goddamn day just to keep from drowning in it. If you knew what I did to your uncle after you put that bullet in him...You’d run because it wasn’t justice, Vesper. It was feeding the monster that I am, on your behalf. That’s who I really am when no one is watching.”
His words hit me like a physical blow, stopping me in my tracks. “What did you do to his corpse?”
Alex’s expression hardens, any trace of emotion slipping away behind a wall of detachment. “That’s not something I’ll ever tell you. Not now. Not ever.”
“You can't just drop something like that and then refuse to explain," I argue, frustration building in my chest. “You're using these vague confessions as another wall to keep me at a distance."
“It's not a wall. It's a boundary. One I won't cross. No matter how much I want to."
“For your sake or mine?"
“Both." His eyes are cold again, distant. “Some things are better left buried, Vesper. What I did...that's why I can't let myself get close to you. It's for your own good."
Anger flares hot and bright within me. Always the same excuse. Always deciding what's best for me without giving me any say in the matter.
“My own good?" I spit the words back at him. “You don't get to decide that. You don't get to use whatever this is between us like bait and then yank them away when I bite.”
“I'm not trying to?—"
“Save it," I cut him off, already turning toward the stairs. “I'm done with this conversation. Done with your cryptic half-truths and self-imposed martyr complex. If you want to push me away, just say so. Stop playing games, Alex.”
I turn and storm toward the basement stairs, frustration and hurt burning like acid in my chest.
“Do you know why I am going tomorrow instead of Oscar or Zaire? Because I’m the one you can live without. If it comes down to a choice tomorrow," Alex's voice cuts through the basement, stopping me at the foot of the stairs, “if it's between Talon coming back or me, I'll make sure it's him."
I freeze. The words hit me like a physical blow, knocking the air from my lungs.
“I'll make sure Talon comes back to you," Alex repeats, his voice flat and certain.
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