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As Katrina started to object, I repeated myself before she could finish. “Do you bloody understand?” I choked, my words coming out harsher than I meant them to.

“What are you planning, mate?” Milo stepped forward, a concerned look about him.

I stared at him. I wasn’t going to share any of what I’d learned. I’d keep that all with me till the grave. No one else needed to be bothered with all that.

“You just need to know that I have to get to that throne room.”

Katrina and Milo hesitated. I knew they cared, but right then I didn’t want them to care. I wanted them to shut up and get me out of here. So I couldn’t believe I’m admitting to this, but I was incredibly grateful when Russell stepped in.

“Just get him out.” Russell blurted. “Katrina, you can do it. It’s water, isn’t it? Control it!”

Katrina sent a sideways glance my way. “It’s dark water. It’s different. I’ve never—’’

“Try!” I screamed, my voice raking against the air.

Hesitating, she held out her hands, tears very clearly forming in her eyes. She groaned, sending forth her strongest effort to tame the black water swirling around us. As she fought to control it, her hands shook, but the wall of dark water remained untouched.

“Wait.” Milo put his hands over hers. “Don’t sirens draw their power from the moon? Let’s try something.”

She looked at him through heavy, shining eyes that had lost all hope as he guided her hand to the sun star marking on his arm. “Use me as a shield for your power.”

Russell and I watched them, tense and hopeful, and terrified all at the same time. The clock was ticking. For all I knew Bastian had already killed her. I had to tell myself to breathe.

A golden light shone from Milo, culminating at the marking on his arm. Katrina held onto him, combining their power so that a golden light began to surround her. She reached forward and touched the dark water, Milo still at her side. Where her fingers met the water, it separated, a golden rim slicing through it as she created a small opening.

“The sun and moon must face the same darkness,” Milo whispered beneath his breath. I would’ve asked him what he meant, but I was too busy rushing towards the growing hole in the water wall.

I went to escape, but stopped at the realization that Bastian would know my plan. He would know that I intended to kill myself for Serena and he wouldn’t let me do it. Someone else would have to do it, at a time when he least expected.

My thoughts rushed like the water swirling around us. I turned to Milo and spoke low but urgent enough. “When I get in there…listen…when Serena is crowned, you have to kill me.”

“What?” Milo’s eyes flashed.

I gripped his shoulders. “I’m asking you this because it’s the only way. My life for her power, that was the deal she made. I have to save her. You have to kill me. Do you understand? Kill me.”

“I…I can’t do what you’re asking, Bellamy.” Milo turned his head.

“Then I’m not asking. And I’m the captain, remember?” I breathed, my heart pounding.

“Bellamy, I—’’

“Don’t give me that golden boy shit right now. I already died once for Katrina. You think I won’t do it again that much more for Serena?”

“That was different,” Milo argued. “You didn’t have a choice. We were cursed to hell. We were going to die anyway.”

“Well my life’s hell without her.” I spat, meeting Milo’s gaze with my own hardened stare. “I thought you of all people would understand. I thought you of all people would have my back on this. You said you’d have my back…on whatever came next.”

He was silent, and I could tell I wasn’t changing his mind. I couldn’t waste any more time trying to convince him.

“To fucking hell with you, then, Milo. Don’t forget to take your knife out of my back when I leave.” I shoved him out of my way and ran to the water opening as Milo called for Katrina to close it.

She tried, but she wasn’t fast enough. I leapt through, the edges of the water still managing to splash and singe my skin, but I didn’t stop to notice. As fast as my feet would carry me, I ran to the Crown lying on the ground and scooped it up in my arms. Then I set off down those dark, empty tunnels, my fate literally in my own hands as I ran to crown my queen.

The walls blurred as I passed. The sounds in the distance became hollow wails that faded from my ears like the remnants of a ghost. I felt water in my eyes as I squeezed them shut to blink it back. I wouldn’t let myself mourn this life, dammit. I finally knew what I was meant to do. I finally understood why I was here. And it was to save Serena, once and for all. Milo or not, I’d figure out how.

“Why the hell am I always dying?” I joked to myself. It was the only way to dull the sting of Milo’s refusal to help me. I still couldn’t believe he’d turned his back on me. I couldn’t believe the coward he was.

As I entered the throne room, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see Russell, his arms splotched with burns just like mine, only worse. Of course he would’ve leapt through that opening right behind me. It couldn’t have at least been Katrina or Noah, or hell, I would’ve even taken McKenzie. But Russell was the one standing in front of me, not them. I’d make it work.