Page 16
Story: Ache For Her
When I was done cleaning myself, I stood under the shower and waited until I didn’t feel dirty anymore, until the shame of what I realized today wore off.
It didn’t work.
Eventually, the shower door opened. A hand moved the curtain away, and there was Simon. He was perfectly put together again. Jeans on low with a white shirt over his torso. He must’ve owned a hundred of those shirts for the way each one of them looked perfectly brand new, almost tailored specifically for him.
He reached in and shut the shower off. I just stood there dripping wet, staring at him. I started to shiver. The moment the air from outside the shower hit me, I realized how cold the water had become as I just stood there, waiting for it to do its job.
He offered me a towel, and I plucked it from his hands, immediately pulling it around myself for its warmth.
He didn’t move from the bathroom as I stepped out, so I went through my usual routine as if he wasn’t there. I dried my hair with the towel, running my hands through it since I didn’t have a hairbrush. Then, I looked around for something to put on. Simon grabbed the white bathrobe off the back of the door and handed it to me. “Thank you,” I told him. Even to my own ears my voice was thick and raw.
“I ordered room service,” he said.
My eyebrows raised at his words. Finding his gaze in the bathroom mirror, I searched them. I couldn’t help but be surprised. He was always either torturing me or fucking me. I didn’t even know if his kind ate real food. He’d drank from me. For all I knew, that was enough to sustain him, as well as living off my despair.
Maybe he wasn’t like that though. Maybe all he’d ever wanted me to understand was the type of person I’d become. Maybe he even had hope for me. Did I have hope for him?
“O-okay,” I said.
He stared at me a little while longer before he turned on his heel and left the room. I followed him, almost chasing after him as if he was a beacon in the dark. After all, he’d been the one to enlighten me. An apology was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back. An apology was probably the last thing he ever wanted to hear, but besides that, he probably didn’t really give a fuck. An ‘I’m sorry’ didn’t bring his mom back. It didn’t turn his childhood into something every child deserved to have. No. He would have to live with that for the rest of his life just as I would have to live with what I’d turned a blind eye to. I may have been brought into my grandfather’s world when I was young, but I sure as fuck wasn’t young now. I was old enough to know better and did know better—I just didn’t care. And not caring was my worst trait yet.
We were both silent as we waited for the kitchen staff to bring up the food. I didn’t know how long I’d been in the bathroom, but there was a completely different couch than the one I’d picked myself up from. No blood. No holes where I’d dug my nails in when he’d taken me from behind. In fact, the room looked even lighter. The sun shone through slits in the curtains, and if I strained my ears, I could hear the beeping noises from cars down on the busy streets below.
After taking that in, my gaze moved to Simon. I stared at him so long while he pretended not to notice, but eventually, I got up the courage to ask him the one thing that was on my mind. “He never cared for me, did he?”
Simon’s shoulders stiffened. He turned toward me, his gaze finally latching onto mine. “It doesn’t appear that way, does it?”
I ground my teeth together and stared straight ahead. “I hate him.”
His gaze narrowed as if he didn’t believe me, but I felt the truth of it down to my very marrow. He’d turned me into this uncaring monster. What family didn’t do everything they could to protect one another? How wrong was I to think that he would’ve come right after me once he noticed I was gone and that Ronnie was dead? Surely, the dead body was a giveaway as to what Simon was capable of. Instead, my grandfather had done nothing. For all the connections he was always boasting of, did he not even try?
It was as if Simon answered my unspoken question. “He’s made no attempt to barter, to plead, or even a rescue. I didn’t think he’d fork himself over to me easily, but I thought at least that he could be persuaded.”
I nodded, my stomach turning. I really needed to get some food in me because as of right now, it was feeling emptier than ever.
“While you were in the shower, I ran there.”
I looked up at him slowly. “—You ran there? It’s at least four miles away.”
He lifted his legs off the carpet lazily, showing me the bottom of his sneakers. “I’m fast. Anyway, it’s business as usual at the home front. No extra security. No buzz of electricity or personnel gathered for meetings or anything I would’ve expected if someone I cared for had been taken. Fuck, if Galen was in trouble, I’d be burning the whole fucking city down. Your grandfather is truly more of a worthless piece of shit than I’d even imagined. You are his family, Delilah,” he said, his voice hard.
I tried not to grind my teeth as I thought about what I was to my grandfather. Sure, he’d given me everything I always wanted, but he was barely ever there. Even when I was still in mourning over my parents, he’d hired a nanny to take care of me, someone who I could cry to. When I turned eighteen, he fired her. I was old enough to be on my own, he told me. I didn’t realize until just this very moment that she was the last personal connection I had in that house. Maybe that was why I liked to flirt with the security team there. Maybe that was why I seduced Ronnie. A plea for help? For someone to just notice me? Or was it something more? A deep-seated urge forsomething morethat I just wasn’t getting.
“He was never really around, you know?” I said, not even talking to Simon. I just wanted to hear myself talk about it out loud as if hearing myself say it would make it true. “He never played with me as a child and we never did anything together when I grew up. His help cared for me. The chef cooked my meals, the tutor educated me, the nanny was my friend and disciplinarian. He made the rules of the house without even knowing me, and I blindly followed them because he’s the only family I have—had,” I said, correcting myself at the last second. “I know when people look at me they see just the exterior things. They see the girl who has all the right clothes and the nice house and the posh car, but no one’s ever seen the real me. Not even me. I thought I was happy, but I was so wrong. I’ve just been going through the motions in a life that wasn’t even mine. How sad is that?”
Simon’s jaw ticked, and I looked away, wondering when he was going to tell me to quit complaining, and that I was just a spoiled brat.
A knock sounded on the door, shaking me out of staring at him. He gave me a hard look before getting to his feet. “Wait here. And don’t even think about calling for help.”
I gave him a look. Help? Where was I going to go? Back to a grandfather who didn’t even care if I got raped and tortured? Who was too busy worrying about his damn self instead of saving his own family? No, that wasn’t happening. I’d stay just where I was because even though Simon was broken, he was beautifully broken. Something my grandfather would know nothing about.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Nine
Simon
My phone rang as Delilah ate the seafood I had delivered. Both of us stopped at once, eyeing the contraption for far longer than necessary like it was a trap. A part of me almost hated to see who it was. What if it was Greenie? What if he was giving in? That would mean I’d have to give her up, and I didn’t know if I was ready to do that. I’d helped her see things in a different way. What I’d said to her mattered, and for all the darkness inside me, there was now a halo of light.
It didn’t work.
Eventually, the shower door opened. A hand moved the curtain away, and there was Simon. He was perfectly put together again. Jeans on low with a white shirt over his torso. He must’ve owned a hundred of those shirts for the way each one of them looked perfectly brand new, almost tailored specifically for him.
He reached in and shut the shower off. I just stood there dripping wet, staring at him. I started to shiver. The moment the air from outside the shower hit me, I realized how cold the water had become as I just stood there, waiting for it to do its job.
He offered me a towel, and I plucked it from his hands, immediately pulling it around myself for its warmth.
He didn’t move from the bathroom as I stepped out, so I went through my usual routine as if he wasn’t there. I dried my hair with the towel, running my hands through it since I didn’t have a hairbrush. Then, I looked around for something to put on. Simon grabbed the white bathrobe off the back of the door and handed it to me. “Thank you,” I told him. Even to my own ears my voice was thick and raw.
“I ordered room service,” he said.
My eyebrows raised at his words. Finding his gaze in the bathroom mirror, I searched them. I couldn’t help but be surprised. He was always either torturing me or fucking me. I didn’t even know if his kind ate real food. He’d drank from me. For all I knew, that was enough to sustain him, as well as living off my despair.
Maybe he wasn’t like that though. Maybe all he’d ever wanted me to understand was the type of person I’d become. Maybe he even had hope for me. Did I have hope for him?
“O-okay,” I said.
He stared at me a little while longer before he turned on his heel and left the room. I followed him, almost chasing after him as if he was a beacon in the dark. After all, he’d been the one to enlighten me. An apology was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back. An apology was probably the last thing he ever wanted to hear, but besides that, he probably didn’t really give a fuck. An ‘I’m sorry’ didn’t bring his mom back. It didn’t turn his childhood into something every child deserved to have. No. He would have to live with that for the rest of his life just as I would have to live with what I’d turned a blind eye to. I may have been brought into my grandfather’s world when I was young, but I sure as fuck wasn’t young now. I was old enough to know better and did know better—I just didn’t care. And not caring was my worst trait yet.
We were both silent as we waited for the kitchen staff to bring up the food. I didn’t know how long I’d been in the bathroom, but there was a completely different couch than the one I’d picked myself up from. No blood. No holes where I’d dug my nails in when he’d taken me from behind. In fact, the room looked even lighter. The sun shone through slits in the curtains, and if I strained my ears, I could hear the beeping noises from cars down on the busy streets below.
After taking that in, my gaze moved to Simon. I stared at him so long while he pretended not to notice, but eventually, I got up the courage to ask him the one thing that was on my mind. “He never cared for me, did he?”
Simon’s shoulders stiffened. He turned toward me, his gaze finally latching onto mine. “It doesn’t appear that way, does it?”
I ground my teeth together and stared straight ahead. “I hate him.”
His gaze narrowed as if he didn’t believe me, but I felt the truth of it down to my very marrow. He’d turned me into this uncaring monster. What family didn’t do everything they could to protect one another? How wrong was I to think that he would’ve come right after me once he noticed I was gone and that Ronnie was dead? Surely, the dead body was a giveaway as to what Simon was capable of. Instead, my grandfather had done nothing. For all the connections he was always boasting of, did he not even try?
It was as if Simon answered my unspoken question. “He’s made no attempt to barter, to plead, or even a rescue. I didn’t think he’d fork himself over to me easily, but I thought at least that he could be persuaded.”
I nodded, my stomach turning. I really needed to get some food in me because as of right now, it was feeling emptier than ever.
“While you were in the shower, I ran there.”
I looked up at him slowly. “—You ran there? It’s at least four miles away.”
He lifted his legs off the carpet lazily, showing me the bottom of his sneakers. “I’m fast. Anyway, it’s business as usual at the home front. No extra security. No buzz of electricity or personnel gathered for meetings or anything I would’ve expected if someone I cared for had been taken. Fuck, if Galen was in trouble, I’d be burning the whole fucking city down. Your grandfather is truly more of a worthless piece of shit than I’d even imagined. You are his family, Delilah,” he said, his voice hard.
I tried not to grind my teeth as I thought about what I was to my grandfather. Sure, he’d given me everything I always wanted, but he was barely ever there. Even when I was still in mourning over my parents, he’d hired a nanny to take care of me, someone who I could cry to. When I turned eighteen, he fired her. I was old enough to be on my own, he told me. I didn’t realize until just this very moment that she was the last personal connection I had in that house. Maybe that was why I liked to flirt with the security team there. Maybe that was why I seduced Ronnie. A plea for help? For someone to just notice me? Or was it something more? A deep-seated urge forsomething morethat I just wasn’t getting.
“He was never really around, you know?” I said, not even talking to Simon. I just wanted to hear myself talk about it out loud as if hearing myself say it would make it true. “He never played with me as a child and we never did anything together when I grew up. His help cared for me. The chef cooked my meals, the tutor educated me, the nanny was my friend and disciplinarian. He made the rules of the house without even knowing me, and I blindly followed them because he’s the only family I have—had,” I said, correcting myself at the last second. “I know when people look at me they see just the exterior things. They see the girl who has all the right clothes and the nice house and the posh car, but no one’s ever seen the real me. Not even me. I thought I was happy, but I was so wrong. I’ve just been going through the motions in a life that wasn’t even mine. How sad is that?”
Simon’s jaw ticked, and I looked away, wondering when he was going to tell me to quit complaining, and that I was just a spoiled brat.
A knock sounded on the door, shaking me out of staring at him. He gave me a hard look before getting to his feet. “Wait here. And don’t even think about calling for help.”
I gave him a look. Help? Where was I going to go? Back to a grandfather who didn’t even care if I got raped and tortured? Who was too busy worrying about his damn self instead of saving his own family? No, that wasn’t happening. I’d stay just where I was because even though Simon was broken, he was beautifully broken. Something my grandfather would know nothing about.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Nine
Simon
My phone rang as Delilah ate the seafood I had delivered. Both of us stopped at once, eyeing the contraption for far longer than necessary like it was a trap. A part of me almost hated to see who it was. What if it was Greenie? What if he was giving in? That would mean I’d have to give her up, and I didn’t know if I was ready to do that. I’d helped her see things in a different way. What I’d said to her mattered, and for all the darkness inside me, there was now a halo of light.