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Once dried off, I stared at the pink envelope Orion had given me. It felt like a bomb ready to ignite in my hands, imploding what remained of my identity.

As long as I didn’t open it, I had somethingnewfrom her. After I opened and read it, there would be nothing else from her again. It’d be like she never existed…again. And I wasn’t ready to face that yet. I wasn’t ready to face any more truths regarding my past.

I ventured to one of the built-in shelves on the wall and plucked out a thick novel. It was an aging fantasy I’d never heard of. So, I flipped to a random page and wedged the envelope in the crease. Once it was snug, I snapped the book closed and placed the novel back in its home.

Scanning the shelves, a book caught my eye. It was titled,A Guide to Meditation and Finding Inner Peace for Beginners.My forefinger caressed the spine as I debated whether to pick it up. Something about it called to me, so I gave in to the urge.

Orion had mentioned meditating by the lake earlier, and something about that caused a sense of longing in my heart. Maybe it could be beneficial for me. We all knew I lacked any sort of inner peace.

Curling a leg under me on the bed, I scanned through the pages. I saw topics discussing breathing techniques. Words like “grounding” that even Chrome had used earlier when I was losing myself to the will of my element. Visualization was another huge topic.

When I came across the empowering effects that came with finding inner peace, I was sold. Because if there was one thing I was most tired of, it was feeling powerless. No matter how strong or physically powerful I was, I still felt like a mental or emotional slave to those around me.

Chapter 35

Chrome

“I’ll be back soon,” I muttered, stuffing blades everywhere on my person I could fit them.

Onyx held his arms out to the side. “Dude, you just got back three days ago. What do you need to do now?”

“Leave,” I said, refusing to meet his eyes. “I need to talk with the militia.”

“About what?” Onyx challenged.

I blew out a harsh breath, beginning to lose my patience. “Things.”

Onyx’s chuckle held no humor. “Wrong answer, Prince. Talk.”

“Fuck, Onyx.” Dropping my arms at my sides, I turned to face him. “I need to see if their intel has anything new on the king’s plans.” I couldn’t confess that I needed to distance myself from Gray. It would only solidify the fact that I was a coward for running again.

Onyx narrowed his eyes. “But don’t we have people for that job? We need you here.”

“No, you don’t. You’re here, and so is Orion. It’ll only be a day or two at the most.”

Onyx palmed his hands over his face, frustrated at the losing battle. “What can I do?”

“Just help Gray get acclimated. Keep an eye on her.”

“In what way?” “In the way that her element is new to her, and she might lose control of it. I don’t know, Onyx. Just watch out for her, okay?”

Just thinking about how stunning she looked in her full form stole my breath. Her marbled hair, golden Elemental skin, and shocking rainbow eyes that appeared after bonding with her element, rocked me in a way I hadn’t been expecting. She was every bit the fierce warrior I knew her to be. I resisted the intense desire to drop to my knees and worship her right there.

Gray’s words kept repeating in my mind since she’d said them. She had every right to be mad and feel violated by my emotional eavesdropping, even if it was unintentional. But it was her words, “You’re no different than my father. You disgust me,” that I couldn’t seem to silence, triggering old trauma from my youth that I’d thought had been healed since my escape from the Royal Domain. Apparently not. Some wounds never truly healed.

Onyx narrowed his amber eyes at me in suspicion. “What’s got you so worked up that you’re up and leaving out of nowhere?”

I snapped on my black and silver bracelets, shutting down my magic. It only seemed to heighten the growing frenzy in my body. At Gray’s words, painful memories were dredged to the forefront again. Once I put a stark distance between Gray and me after the training session, the madness found a foothold to latch onto. I couldn’t seek her out now, and I didn’t want anyone at the lodge to witness me like this.

I needed a release.

“Nothing. Just…I need to check on some things.” I flipped the hood over my head and looked at him again, ignoring the clawing darkness within me, already announcing its unwelcome arrival. Its distant excitement grew with each passing moment. “Inform Orion and the others. Keep it discreet. A small mission—nothing more or less.”

I hated asking him, but I couldn’t afford their questions right now.

Onyx relaxed his shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck. I could see his discomfort, but he nodded anyway. “Fine. Just come back in one piece, yeah?”

“Always do.” After grabbing a final knife and sliding it up the inside of my sleeve, I strode toward Onyx, pulling him into a hug. “It’ll be fine. Just keep her occupied and help train her in her combat deficiencies.”