Page 73
“Micah’s loving the riding lessons,” Cora returned, irritated to feel her face warming.
“Can you afford that?”
The warmth died into a cold chill. “Yes, I can afford that,” Cora snapped.
Lilly winced. “I’m sorry. Old habits.”
“Right,” Cora said, smiling thinly. She didn’t want to blow up at Lilly, and she really should be used to it, but it still smarted. Those old wounds never did seem to fully heal. She opened her mouth to make her excuses to leave, but Lilly spoke first.
“Tori said there was a cowboy at your door last night.”
Cora’s mood went even further south. “Tori is a loudmouth.”
“When were you going to tell me about him?”
Cora heaved out a sigh. “I don’t know, when I thought you wouldn’t question my judgment.” So,never.
“Cora . . .”
Cora didn’t dare look at her sister. She knew she’d see hurt there. “I . . . I just need to do some things without your old habits right now,” Cora managed, being as non-accusatory as she could. Because none of this was about Lilly. It was about Cora trying to get herself together without Lilly’s interference.
“I know. I’ve been backing off though. I’ve been doing a good job, haven’t I?” Lilly nodded toward the playpen. “They’ve helped me mellow. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want us to be sisters or friends.”
“Well, of course we’re sisters and friends.” Cora blew out a breath, forcing herself to look at Lilly and all that hurt. “We work together. I . . . I love you. I’m just still building myself up. I need to be strong enough to tell you to back off.”
Lilly’s mouth curved just a hint. “I think you just did.” Cora let that realization sink in. She had, without even second-guessing herself, pushed Lilly back. For possibly the first time in her life without being immature, mean, or petulant.
Every once in a while a moment like that washed over her, when she could see andfeelthe changes she’d made—the maturing and the healing—and it was something like hitting a brick wall at full force.
Followed by a welcome rush of pride and joy. She wasdoingthis thing. Changing and growing and getting better.
Lilly stepped forward, gently grabbing her by the elbows. “I hope you know how proud I am of you. All you’ve done in the past year to get your life together. I’ve tried really hard to butt out. I’m sorry when I fall back into that place of wanting to control things for you.”
“I know you mean well.” People always did when they wanted to protect and care for a person. Maybe that was the true thing broken inside of her: she couldn’t accept care or protection or maybe even love without turning into the worst version of herself.
She pushed that thought away. She wasn’t broken. She was healing. What she felt for Shane wasn’t that grasping, desperate need to fill an empty spot within herself. She hadn’t been down and alone when he’d sauntered into her life. She’d been in a good place, and Shane only added to it, didn’t torpedo her down into that worst version. He did that all without asking for anything in return.
“Then can’t you tell me about Mr. Cowboy?” Lilly asked hopefully. “As a sister and a friend. Not as someone who might pass judgment or force her advice on you.”
Cora stared at her sister. The identical blue eyes, and all that hope in them. Lilly had always had to be more mother than sister, more authoritarian than friend, but thatwasthe past, and part of maturing and healing for Cora was trusting herself enough to choose relationships that could be equal. Being the one in charge of making sure they stood on equal ground, not letting or wanting anyone else to take over.
“Well, he’s a rancher. Handsome. Sweet. And way too good . . .”for me.But she didn’t allow herself to verbalize the thought. She deserved some good too. “He’s so good I’m almost afraid he’s a figment of my imagination.”
Lilly propelled Cora into her desk chair. “I like where that’s going,” she said, rubbing her hands together. “He’s good with Micah?”
“So sweet and patient. He’s the oldest of five kids, and he takes care of the ranch and his family with kindness and protectiveness, and they all just accepted Micah right into that without a second thought. I’ve never seen anything like it.” She glanced down at Aiden’s dark head and thought of her brother-in-law, who had been kind and protective when it came to Lilly and the babies. “Rarely seen anyway.”
Lilly smiled softly. “It’s hard to believe, I know, but there are some really good guys out there. I’m glad you found one.”
Cora stared down at her hands. The truth was, she wanted to confide in Lilly about not telling Shane about her past. About Micah’s fears. But didn’t that put her on uneven ground again? Asking for help instead of figuring it out herself.
“You don’t seem ecstatic.”
“I’m scared,” Cora replied, the honesty falling right out of her. Then she laughed. How stupid she sounded. “I know I’m forever falling in lust with a guy and calling it love, or just wanting it to be love and calling it that, but this is different and scary and awful and too damn soon, and I think it might be love.”
Lilly laughed. “Oh, that sounds all too familiar and thus all too possible.”
Cora glanced up at Lilly’s bemused face. “You were kind of a mess when you were falling for Brandon.”
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