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Could this evening have been more of a disaster?

Eryn lowered herself back into the chair after Maxwell left and cradled her inflamed face in her hands. Oh, the mortification.

The bathroom door opened, and footsteps approached. “Eryn?”

“How could you, Dad? I feel like I’m 13 again.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? That’s all I want to know. Why did you feel the need to humiliate me like that?”

“I didn’t realize.” Dad sighed. “It’s just… I didn’t realize back in Kansas just how powerful this family is. Maxwell getting me this job seemed like a nice gesture. Sure, I knew they were rich. I mean, there have been Sullivans in Gilead for decades, but men raised in so much luxury have certain expectations of young women?—”

“You’re mixing Maxwell up with Bryce.”

“Maybe.” Dad gripped Eryn’s shoulder. “I wanted to send him a message that he can’t get away with hurting my little girl. You’re all I have left.”

“So, you decided to hurt me to prevent him from hurting me?” She jerked away from his grasp and stood facing him. “That’s all kinds of messed up.”

“He needs to think twice,” Dad retorted obstinately. “You heard what he said about keeping his home in Chicago.”

Eryn shoved the thought aside, though it had jolted her, too. “I’m going to bed, unless you want me to tell you all the reasons not to look at Nadine the way you do. She’s part of that family, too, you know.”

“She didn’t grow up spoiled by all their money.”

“It doesn’t stop her from having access to it now. And Maxwell isn’t spoiled. He could have had everything fed to him on a silver spoon like Bryce, but he started his own business and worked for it.”

“He does seem to be a more upright man than his brother.”

“Exactly.” Eryn marched into the bathroom and, when she came out a few minutes later, Dad had gone into his bedroom. She mounted the ladder to the loft, still fuming.

Read the Bible or more of Amelia’s journals? She didn’t want to be comforted or challenged, so why not poke at her childhood to see if it still hurt?

Okay, that thinking was just as mixed up as the whole evening had been. Still, Eryn changed into her pajamas and pulled the top journal out of her drawer. Where was she? She’d read Amelia’s thoughts on their mother’s death a couple of nights ago, and for the first time in forever, she’d felt a kinship with her twin.

Amelia had grieved, as Eryn had. They’d both lost their mom at a vulnerable age.

November 18, 2008

It’s Max’s birthday today, and he’s 14 now. Practically an adult! [three heart emojis]

Eryn stilled. Amelia had known Maxwell’s birthday? Not that it would have been a huge secret, most likely, but Eryn hadn’t remembered it. She turned back to the text.

I told him how sad I was about Mom’s death. I even cried a little, and he did what I wanted him to do! He gave me a hug and said he was sorry.

Eryn glowered at the page. She really should have burned the journals before they moved. She might have blasted Dad for bringing Amelia into the conversation, but she was just as guilty, since she kept inviting her twin’s juvenile thoughts into her current life.

I said I was worried about being alone someday (Eryn doesn’t count) and asked if he’d marry me if we got old, like 30, and no one else had. I knew it was a silly thing to ask, but he said, sure, why not?

Does that make me engaged to Maxwell Sullivan at age 13? [three heart emojis] Am I supposed to try to find some other guy to marry later or hold out for him? I should have said 25! Or maybe 21, because I doubt I’ll ever meet anyone as dreamy as Max. [heart eye emoji]

Eryn slapped the cover shut and surged to her feet. The loft wasn’t very big. It took only 11 steps to get to the other end. And back. And forth. She couldn’t believe the gall of her sister, playing off Maxwell’s sympathy after Mom’s death. Then there was that whole bit about Eryn not counting. What did that even mean? Yeah, they hadn’t been close, but had Amelia said those words to Maxwell? Had she actually verbalized, “I feel so alone, and Eryn doesn’t count.”? Or was it merely an aside in her journal?

Oh, the humiliation. The pain of being the annoying sister. All Eryn had ever wanted was to be friends with her twin. She’d been rebuffed at every turn, from her earliest memories on, until she’d mostly stopped trying.

She remembered reaching for Amelia at Mom’s funeral, but her sister had sidestepped her and turned away, doubling Eryn’s pain that horrible day.

And tonight, the stab of Amelia’s knife twisted again.