Page 62 of 7 Days and 7 Nights

“Good morning, everybody. Welcome toLiv Live, or maybe we should call itMatt Live. Actually, I’m more like semi-alive this morning. You’re going to have to bear with me. The good doctor and I have decided to switch shows for the day. You can catch her tonight at ten doing her version ofGuy Talk.”

Matt punched up the theme song, left it up full as he marshaled his thoughts, and took the music back down.

“This is all a little new to me. But I’m here and ready to, uh,” he cleared his throat, “discuss your problems.”

He looked down at the computer screen to check the list of waiting callers, but there were none.

“All right. No wimping out now.” He drummed his fingers on the table, but nothing happened. Not a name. Not a blip on the screen. He didn’t know if it was Diane’s doing or if there just weren’t any women out there who wanted to speak to him.

“Right. Okay. So I don’t have the doctor’s credentials, but I do have something better.” He paused while he tried to figure out what he had that Olivia didn’t. All he could come up with was a penis.

“I’m a guy. I can tell you what men really think. And what they want.” He paused again for emphasis. “I’m here to answer your questions. Truthfully. Completely. Anything you want to know about the man in your life and how he thinks, I can tell you. Start dialing."

Matt punched up the commercial break and went to put on a much-needed pot of coffee. When he got back to his seat, the monitor was full of waiting callers.

“Okay, that’s better. Let’s start with caller number one. Rita M., you’re on the line.”

Rita sounded nervous and very Southern. “I’d really feel a lot more comfortable talking to Dr. Moore about this.”

“Well, you can call back tonight between ten and two, or you can go ahead and give me a shot. How bad can it be?”

“Okay.” There was a brief pause and then, “I went out with someone for the first time last week. And it was great and all. He made me feel really special.”

“And the problem?”

“Well... he said he’d call, but he hasn’t.”

It didn’t sound all that pressing to Matt, but it was, as they said, her dime. “All right, let’s take a look at this. How many days has it been since your date?”

“Five. It’s been five days, but I’m thinking maybe something was wrong with my phone."

“Nope. Sorry, but if he were planning to call you, he would have done it by now. And if he had tried and not gotten through he’d text”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m a guy. And because there’s a sort of unwritten time limit in the guy handbook. If a male over the age of fifteen hasn’t called within two or three days after a first date, he isn’t going to.”

"But he said he was going to call.”

Matt shrugged. “I hate to be the one to break this to you, Rita, but ‘I’ll call you’ is kind of like ‘Have a nice day.’ Nobody really cares whether you have a nice day or not.

It’s just an expression.”

“But is there a chance he’ll call?”

“After five days?” Matt shook his head. “No way in hell.”

Matt moved on to the next call. “Okay, who’s up next?” He cracked his knuckles and settled back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. “This is Ransom. You’re on the air, Marty.”

"Hi, Matt.” The caller responded with the upbeat cadence of a former cheerleader. “How are you this morning?”

“Just fine, darlin'. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, it’s my boyfriend’s friends.”

"Yeah?”

“Yeah. They keep dragging him to bars and strip joints.”