Page 27 of 4th Silence (Schock Sisters Mystery #4)

Smartass . He does know me. I move to the kitchen, needing distance, needing something to do with my hands. JJ remains where he is, giving me space. “Family dinner?” he asks.

“Where else would I be?” I pour myself a glass of the wine, not offering him one. “Although it was more Mom’s celebration of her media triumph. She got seven minutes on the morning news to discuss how she cracked the case.”

“And how many of those minutes acknowledged your contribution?”

I take a long sip. “It doesn’t matter.”

He grins, loosening his tie with one hand. The familiar gesture sends an unwelcome ripple through me. “For what it’s worth, I gave you and Meg all the credit at my press conference.”

He watches my reaction to see if I already know. If I watched it.

I did. “I don’t need credit.” I stare into the wine glass. “I just need—” I stop myself. What do I need? Respect? Understanding?

“How are your feet?” he asks, changing topics.

I curl my toes when he glances at them. “No permanent damage, but still super sensitive to cold.” Even now, I’m dying to ditch the stockings and pull on my warm, fuzzy socks. In previous days, I would let him warm my feet. His foot massages are legendary.

“Another battle wound for Charlize Schock’s collection.” His attempt at lightheartedness falls flat.

Silence stretches.

“Charlie.” My name comes out soft on his lips. “I should have done things differently with this case. I made a mistake. You and Meg?—”

“Don’t.” I set down the glass with too much force. Wine sloshes over the rim.

He steps close enough that I can smell his cologne. “I’ve spent the last three days trying to figure out how to right this very off-course ship.”

The directness of his statement catches me off guard. JJ doesn’t admit to being wrong. He prosecutes, he persuades, he wins.

“You didn’t trust my judgment.” The words burn my throat. “But you did your job. I don’t blame you for it.”

“I shouldn’t have put my job above you. Us. I…” He shakes his head. “My heart is wreaking havoc on my head.”

“Maybe that’s the problem. You’re so used to being the smartest person in the room you can’t imagine being wrong.

” I hold up a hand before he can retort.

“Again, you were between a rock and a hard place. I get it. You’re a professional.

You did what you needed to. I just wish…

” What? That he would have defied his boss and the mayor and still chosen to work with me over their direct orders?

Wow, Charlie. Great job of standing in your power and still wanting him.

A sharp exhale leaves his mouth. “I’m not good at this.”

Neither am I . “Which part?”

“The part where I admit I’ve met my match.” A hint of his usual confidence returns, tempered with something new. “The part where I acknowledge that I need a partner who understands my job, my position, and doesn’t bail when we hit rough waters.”

What’s with all the sailing metaphors?

My buried anger blasts through me. “You bailed on me.” I jam a finger into his chest. “I’m calling you on your bullshit. I didn’t give up on us. You did. And just because I understand the predicament you were in, I don’t forgive you for it.”

He takes another step closer, his height making him impossible to ignore in my small kitchen. “You see? That right there. You don’t let me hide behind my title or my reputation. I need you, Charlie.”

He’s too tall. Too broad. Too…everything. I have to get away. “Tough.” I swipe my wine as I brush past him. My heart breaks as I say, “You blew it.”

He follows, leaving careful space between us as I plop onto the couch.

“I’m used to controlling situations. You know that.

My whole career is built on anticipating what comes next.

But with you...” He sheds his jacket and throws it on the recliner, pacing in front of the coffee table.

“You test me. You take risks that make my blood run cold. You put yourself in danger all the damn time.”

“And you calculate every risk before taking a single step.”

He stops, studies me. I expect an argument. Instead, I get the opposite. “Maybe we balance each other.”

The simplicity of his observation makes me laugh. “I’m not going to stop being who I am. And I happen to analyze every option to achieve my goal. You make me sound like I’m a wildcard when I’m anything but. I know people. I study them. How they act and react. I’m damn good at what I do.”

“You are.” He crosses his arms and rubs his chin. “This isn’t really about our different styles or the demands my job places on me that can cause us problems, is it?”

“There’s no more us , JJ. You made that choice, so stop overthinking it.”

“If I quit my job, would you reconsider?”

I choke. “What?”

He sinks down next to me on the sofa. Not touching me, but close enough that he could. “I don’t want a future that doesn’t include you. If I change jobs to one that doesn’t put us at odds with each other, would you at least give me a second chance?”

I hop up, once again needing space. My living room is bare of any holiday decorations. Not a smidge. It’s sad, really. I’m so consumed by work, I don’t take time to appreciate the passing years.

My pulse is trippy, my heart hammering. I want to say yes, but in the end, I know if he quit being the U.S.

Attorney for the District of Columbia, he’d only end up resenting me over it.

He loves his job as much as I love mine.

We’re not normal. With our jobs. With seeing justice done.

With giving a voice to those who don’t have one.

To those, like Tiffany, who’ve been silenced.

I’m now the one pacing. “Do not quit your job. That would be the stupidest thing you could ever do.”

“You terrify me, Charlie. You know that, right?”

I stop cold. “I terrify you?”

“You’re the most fearless person I know.”

My heart flutters. Stupid thing. “Not fearless. Determined.” I gesture between us. “But this isn’t a case you can solve with your charm and legal brilliance. This is...messy.”

“I like messy.” The corner of his mouth lifts in that smile that first caught my attention years ago when he was still a married man. I’d fallen head over heels for him. “And I like you. Your bullheadedness. Your guts. Your astute mind.” His gaze drops seductively to my feet. “And your toes.”

My heart stutters. My toes press into the carpet. “You’re not smooth-talking me into taking you back.”

At first, he says nothing. He just watches me, like he’s afraid to blink.

Then, he stands, and even though he doesn’t move, the space between us feels smaller.

“This isn’t flattery to get you back into my bed.

I’m serious. I don’t want easy, Charlie.

I want real. And you’re the most real thing in my life.

We’ve had conflicts before, and we’ve overcome them.

We’ll no doubt encounter them again in the future.

You have every reason not to trust me now, but I’m telling you, I’ll do whatever I need to to gain that trust back. ”

Including quitting his job.

I can’t imagine him doing anything else. He was born to be a prosecutor. A leader.

I search for any hint of the practiced charm he uses in courtrooms and press conferences. Instead, I find only JJ—confident but exposed, waiting for my verdict.

“I just...” I swallow my fear. “I can’t go through this again. I don’t give my heart to just anyone, you know.” My voice breaks. “You were it for me.”

I see the restraint it takes for him not to move. Not to come to me and sweep me into his arms. “You’re the only one for me, too.” Now, he does move. Only to step around the end of the table. When I back up, he stops. “I was an ass. I failed you.”

“You did.” It would be so easy—too easy—to forgive him. I force myself to stand my ground. No dodging. No avoiding. I take a purposeful step toward him. “I still respect and admire you, but I don’t think you can earn back my trust.”

He hangs his head. “Will you at least let me try?”

I truly realized my love for JJ was too big, too overwhelming, when I saw him shot right in front of me several months ago. When his blood covered my hands.

When I knew I couldn’t save him.

This abyss between us… Can I save him this time? Can I save us both?

All it takes is one word. One impossible but straightforward word that’s stuck in my throat.

Yes .

As if he senses this, he hands me my wine glass. I down the contents in two gulps, wipe my lips with the back of my hand.

Even with the liquid courage, I can’t say it.

Yes .

I can’t say no, either.

He nods, a defeated movement, grabbing his jacket and pulling it on. “Okay. I’ll let you be.” He strides for the door, shoulders slumped. There, he turns, holding onto the knob, the cold winter air rushing in. He scans me one more time. “Merry Christmas, Charlize.”

And then he’s gone.

I glance around at the furniture. My lack of decorations. The emptiness of it all.

Meg is moving into a new phase of life. Mom, too. But me? I’m still stuck where I’ve always been. Tenacious, ambitious, successful. But happy? Fulfilled? Satisfied?

I was when JJ and I were on the same page. We had a future.

A future he threw away , I remind myself.

But Charlie Schock goes after what she wants.

And she gets it.

Nothing in my life worth a damn has been easy. I don’t do easy.

I do messy.

And then, I organize it. Analyze it. Profile it.

Love is a psychological necessity. It’s as essential to our well-being as food and water.

Romantic love fulfills a basic need. Plenty of studies have shown that couples, for all of their faults, are stronger together than their individual parts.

Passion and intimacy are only two parts of love. Commitment is the third.

It wasn’t simply trust that JJ had broken. It was that commitment.

If he was willing to quit his job to be with me, he was still committed. His lapse had been temporary.

Didn’t mean I forgave him.

But…

A host of swear words fly out of my mouth. I grip the bowl of the wine glass so hard that I might shatter it. I set it down. Rushing to the door, I throw it open.

He’s already in his SUV. He looks up. Turns off the ignition.

Steps out.

I stand on the porch, shoeless, toes rebelling. “We’re not done. I have more to say.”

A grin teases the corner of his mouth. “Are you going to say it out here and risk frostbite?”

I glance at my feet. My toes are burning. Not freezing. Their sensitivity to the cold feels like I’m sticking them in fire. “Do you want to come inside? I have a rare Macallan you might enjoy.”

“You bought me a present?”

“You said I owed you. This is me balancing the ledger.”

JJ reaches for me then, and I step into his embrace without hesitation. His arms envelope me completely, and I press my face against the solid warmth of his chest. For the first time in days, the knot in my stomach unravels.

“I’ve missed this,” I whisper against the soft fabric of his coat.

His arms tighten around me, and he lifts me off the ground. “I’ve missed you.”

He carries me inside, using his foot to close the door. We stay in our embrace for a long moment, as if making up for all the ones we’ve recently spent apart. His heartbeat thrums steady and strong beneath my ear.

“I’m sorry I shut you out.” He pulls back just enough to look down at me. “Never again.”

“I put you in a terrible predicament, but you should have talked to me. Tried to work something out.”

He brushes a strand of hair from my face. The tenderness of the gesture nearly undoes me. “I was trying to protect both of us. It didn’t work. But I’m pretty persistent when I want something, and I want this, Charlie. Us.”

“Even though I’m stubborn and complicated and messy?”

“Because you’re stubborn and complicated and messy.” He leans down until his forehead rests against mine. “And brilliant and brave and exactly who I want to be with. You make everything harder. But also, better. That’s love, right?”

The words settle my pulse. Fill the hollowness in my chest. When his lips meet mine, I welcome it. There’s a lot of work to do to mend our relationship, but I don’t want anyone else.

We end up on my couch with the wine and whiskey, fingers intertwined, talking about everything and nothing. The case, the media circus, Mom’s television appearance.

“So, what happens next?” I ask, watching his thumb trace circles on the back of my hand.

He muses over the last sip of his drink. “Dinner tomorrow? Somewhere without dead bodies or your mother?”

I laugh, the sound surprising me. “That narrows it down in this city.”

“I know a place,” he says. “And after that, we figure it out day by day.”

Day by day. Not rushing ahead or planning every move. Just taking things as they come. “No quitting your job. Not yet,” I insist. “I may need you to help me with future cases. You know, using my feminine wiles on you.”

He laughs. “I’m looking forward to you trying that.”

When I start yawning, he washes our glasses, dries his hands, and heads for the door.

“Thank you for waiting for me tonight,” I say. “For not giving up.”

A quirk of his mouth. A kiss that lingers before he says, “You’re worth waiting for.”

After one last kiss, I let him out, close the door, and lean against it. Will things work out? I don’t know, but it’s Christmas. Miracles happen, right?

A knock startles me. I open back up, thinking it’s JJ.

It’s Meg. She points toward the street “Was that…?”

I grin. “It was.”

“Things are okay?”

“Mostly.”

“But he’s not playing Santa and coming down your chimney tonight?”

I quirk a brow. “We’re taking things slow.”

Jerome is hauling a stack of gifts out of his vehicle and lugging them to her place. “Night, Charlie,” he calls.

I wave. “Goodnight.”

Meg hugs me. “I’m happy for you. But if JJ so much as looks at you wrong…”

“I know. You’ll kick his ass.”

She winks and goes next door to be with her partner.

I’m alone. The place feels too big, now that JJ’s gone. I grab my phone and text him.

Wanna play Santa? Come down my chimney? My toes are cold. Really cold.

There’s a brief pause. He probably just hit the highway. Then: We can’t have that. Get in bed. I’ll be there shortly.

I smile to myself while I strip off my clothes. I climb under the covers. When he appears at the bedroom door a few minutes later, I hold out my arms. “Ho, ho, ho,” I say, relieved when his clothes hit the floor and he joins me under the blankets. “Merry Christmas to me.”

“To us,” he corrects.

And then he warms all of me.