Page 50 of 4th Silence

Somehow, after how poorly I’ve treated him, he catches me. He even kisses the top of my head.

Resting my cheek against his chest, I breathe. Patchouli soap. Warm and earthy. So Jerome. He first tried it after we’d visited a farmer’s market and hasn’t stopped using it since.

He says, along with me, it settles him. We’re his power combination.

Guilt once again thrashes me, and tears sting my eyes. I don’t deserve him.

I truly don’t.

We stay this way for what feels like a long time before I finally gather my courage to stand back and meet his gaze. Those hazel eyes? Seared into my brain. I could sketch them from memory.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“You wouldn’t talk to me. I came to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right.”

No. It isn’t. “You’re not letting me off the hook. You deserve better from me.”

“Look—”

“Jerome—”

We both stop, then laugh.

And just like that, something shifts. We feel like us again.

But talking over each other won’t get us anywhere.

He holds up his hand. “Me first. I know I ambushed you with the marriage talk.”

“You didn’t?—”

He shakes his head. “Let me finish. Please.”

I press my lips together and nod.

“We’ve never talked about marriage, and I could’ve been more thoughtful about how I brought it up. I get that it scares you, Meg. After the silence these past few days... I know I pushed you away. I’m sorry. I just…” He rubs the back of his neck. “Shit. I’m screwing this up.”

“You’re not,” I say.

He pins me with another look, the heat so fierce it stirs that part of me that only Jerome can bring to life.

“I love you,” he says. “And if you don’t want marriage, that’s fine. We’ll keep things as they are.”

A warm gush washes over me as relief takes hold. He’s not dumping me. He’s not forcing anything.

I’ll admit, my immediate reaction is happiness. After all, I don’t have to move out of my comfort zone. I don’t have to do the thing that terrifies me.

Yay, me.

Except…I give his worn Pink Floyd T-shirt a tug. “Is that enough for you?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. For now, it is. I’m not sure what’s tripping you up because, hell, Meg, we’re practically living together, but…whatever. If you need time, take some time.”

“I’m worried.”