Page 6

N ico strode toward the Miata. The moment the driver’s door opened by a crack, he started to speak, but she waved him away with her hand.

“I know it’s not my MO,” she said as she unfolded her slim, muscular frame from the car’s tight interior, her eyes flitting rapidly between him and the squatter, “but in this situation, we all just need to stay calm .” She pumped downturned palms in the air as if she were pressing gently on an expanding, fragile bubble that would take every living thing with it if it exploded.

She wanted calm, but she didn’t sound calm, and that in itself was raising Nico’s blood pressure by the second. Monique was one of the most in-charge persons he’d ever worked with, but did he detect a quaver in her voice?

There was no reason for her to worry. Her job was simple. He pointed toward the woman still sitting on the porch, a smug smile cutting across the freckled face he’d once thought cute. “I’ll be calm once you inform this individual that this is my house, and she’s got two hours to clear out.”

Nico was pleased to see Monique turn toward the woman, a serious look on her face. “Ginny, what’s going on? Did you paint my client blue?”

Nico’s jaw went slack. “You know her?”

The squatter, whose name was apparently Ginny, had risen to her feet and was down the steps in seconds, coming to a stop mere inches from his attorney.

Ginny folded her arms over her chest and faced him with a triumphant grin, making it look as if she and Monique were on Team Squatter.

“Of course, she knows my name. She’s my sister.

My big sister who looks out for me.” She rested her head for a second on Monique’s shoulder as she added, “And he painted himself blue.”

Nico’s insides began to boil as his eyelids launched into a convulsion of involuntary blinking.

Was this really happening? Was the person trying to claim squatting rights over a house that sat smack dab in the middle of the largest and most complex financial deal of his life the younger sister of his trusted real estate attorney?

If so, this was a bigger nightmare than he could have possibly imagined.

But he had family responsibilities too, including a brother counting on him to see this through. He wasn’t giving up without a serious fight. “Well, she’s my attorney,” Nico said, “to whom I pay a lot of money to look out for my interests.” His voice dropped an octave. “Tell her, Monique.”

Monique took two, good-sized, backward steps from them both as she recommenced her calming, bubble-pressing hand motions, though with decidedly less overall calmness now. “Ah, which is why, as I said, we all need to stay calm. I’m sure we can find a solution, uh, somehow.”

Nico felt his face turning red, but he was well beyond caring about that. “‘Somehow’ is another one of those words I’m not keen on hearing from my attorney!”

Ginny was shouting now too, complaining about how he’d driven too fast up to the house and nearly sent her flying off her ladder. Their voices climbed precipitously in pitch and intensity as they each tried to dominate Monique’s attention.

“Stoppppppp!” Monique finally yelled, restoring silence to the street.

She let out a breath so big she might have been holding it in since she’d arrived.

“I am doing the talking now, so please listen.” She turned to Nico.

“Because I am her sister, I’m obviously recusing myself from this situation in the legal sense, however?—”

Ginny jumped up and fist-pumped the air. “Yes! Tell him it’s my house cause I’ve got those squatty thingies or whatever.”

Monique glared at her sister. “I said recusing, not abandoning all my ethical principles. At least for now, I am not comfortable giving either of you legal advice or counsel. What I can do is help all three of us go over the basic facts to get an initial sense of where we stand.” She looked at them each in turn.

“Is that acceptable?” They both nodded. “I was obviously in a rush to get here, but I did a cursory look at the online files. It does appear that, in accordance with your brother’s written instructions in an email, Ginny was given a key to the place at our office five years and…

” Her voice trailed off briefly before returning in a near-whisper, “…four days ago.”

Nico slapped his forehead. “What? I missed the five-year deadline for squatter’s rights by four days? Four days ?”

“Ha!” Ginny said. “Whose brain figment is biting them in the butt now?”

Monique rolled her eyes toward the house as she let out a second, heavy breath. “It also appears, as you indicated to me over the phone, Nico, that she’s done some work to both the structure and yard.”

Ginny pursed her lips at her sister. “Some work? That’s all you can say about my beautiful house?”

“But here’s my question,” Monique said, ignoring her sister’s juvenile outbursts—which, Nico figured, she was probably very practiced at. “Who has been paying the property taxes?”

“Oh, good point!” Nico said, a glimmer of hope igniting in his soul.

Perhaps he wouldn’t be stuck dealing with this tiny and annoying menace of a woman after all.

“I’m sure my brother has been paying them.

Yes, yes, he must have been because…” But a glance toward Ginny caused him to trail off.

She looked like the cat that had just swallowed a herd of mice.

“Actually,” Ginny said, her voice a teasing, sing-song innocence. “Do you remember a few years back, Monique, when I asked you about property taxes?”

“Uh…”

Ginny pressed her hand against her sister’s shoulder.

“You do, I'm sure. It was a brunch I think, and I asked what would happen if a person didn’t pay their property tax bill. You said they could get major fines and eventually lose their house, so…” She gave Nico a coquettish shrug for no apparent reason other than to add to his torture. “…I started paying them.”

Split flew from Nico’s mouth as he rounded on Monique. “You advised her to pay the property taxes on my house?”

It was Monique’s turn to blink like an epileptic butterfly. “I told her that a hypothetical person should pay hypothetical taxes on a hypothetical property.” Under her breath, she muttered angrily, “I hate this day.”

The squatter rubbed her hands together with obvious glee. “So, it’s mine?”

“I have one more question,” Monique said. “Did you also pay the utility bills – electricity, water?”

Ginny shrugged. “Well, yes. If I didn’t, they went away.”

Nico’s mouth opened in feigned dismay. “What? You had to pay for something you use? What capitalist cruelty is this?”

Monique gave them each disapproving side-eye. “You two are oil and water.” She leaned in towards Nico. “I’ll obviously go over all this with co-counsel but, at first blush, she appears to have a solid claim.”

“Why didn’t you stop her?” Nico said, his face shifting from red to purple.

“I understand you’re upset, but that’s not a reasonable question.

First, this property was not, as I mentioned on the phone, placed within our legal purview.

There is no indication that either you or your brother ever arranged for, or even verbally requested, that we keep an eye on it.

Second, I, like you, had no idea she was living here.

If I had, I promise I would have advised you of it immediately. ”

“What?” Ginny said to her sister. “You are on his side!”

Monique interlaced her fingers together in a nervous motion, her red nails blurring in Nico’s vision. Or maybe he was just seeing red. “Ginny, I couldn’t knowingly let a client lose a property to my sister. I’m sure you understand that. Or will. Or should. At some level.”

“So, what happens now?” he growled.

“Now that we have a better sense of the facts, we should probably retreat to our respective legal corners.”

Nico shook his head. “No. I need a solution.” He stemmed the tsunami of swear words threatening to escape his lips, then looked straight at Ginny. “I can’t believe I'm doing this, but one hundred thousand and you walk?”

Ginny looked offended at the suggestion. “No way.”

“Two hundred.”

“No.”

“Three. Hundred.”

“No. And this is pointless. I’ve touched every part of this house from the chimney to the foundation.

And it’s not just the elbow grease and materials.

You mocked me when I tried to explain it to you, but the moment I stepped into it, the place did speak to me.

This house belongs to me, heart and soul, and no amount of money is going to separate me from it. No amount.”

Nico sighed. “A million dollars,” he said flatly.

Monique gasped. She sent a pointed, eyes-wide look toward her sister, obviously wanting her to take the offer.

“No amount,” Ginny said simply. “And if you two don’t mind, it’s lunch time. There’s a jar of peanut butter in the kitchen with my name on it.”

A stunned Nico watched as a woman who’d just turned down a million dollars spun on the soles of her faded Ked shoes, bounced lightly up steps he had walked up countless times in his youth, and disappeared into his childhood home to eat peanut butter.

The door creaked on its hinge before closing with a click.

Nico let out a pent-up groan. “The bulldozers are scheduled to come the day after tomorrow!”

“Then I’m afraid you must cancel them. If she’s in that house, you can’t touch it.”

A lightbulb flicked on in the dark recess that was Nico’s current state of mind. “What if she leaves the property? Bulldozers make quick work.”

“I think she’d have to leave of her own accord, but it could give you a window to do…what you need to do. You’d end up paying her significant damages, but they’d likely be less than the million you’ve just offered.”

“You wouldn’t tip her off?”

“I’m not involved in this anymore,” Monique said, sounding resolute.

Before heading off, Monique gave Nico a pile of newspapers. The paint on his suit was mostly dry, but he laid the papers over the car’s upholstery just in case. Then he drove back to the hotel suite he’d booked for the week he’d expected to be in LA, changed clothes, and called his brother.

“I screwed this up royally, bro. I am so sorry,” Vince said.

“It’s okay. We both did. I could have asked about the status of the house at any time in the last five years, and I didn’t.”

“Yeah, but that’s because you put me in charge of it. You trusted me. I just…I never thought about squatters. I figured the roof would be falling in any day. Did you tell her you grew up in the house?”

Nico clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “No way. She’d think she had me over an even bigger barrel if she knew that.”

“Okay, but if we don't retain ownership, that crappy old house at the center of the parcel is going to require easements and access—complications buyers will run from. We’re screwed.”

“Not necessarily. If we can get her to leave the house, all she can do is sue for damages. We just need to stage some bulldozers nearby but out of sight and then entice her to step away for a bit.” And long enough, Nico thought to himself, for him to have a final search inside the place too.

“Smashy, smashy, bye bye housie?” Vince said. There was a loud thwack through the phone.

“What was that?” Nico said.

“Just filleting a pretty little fish I caught. Which gives me an idea—how old is this woman?”

“A few years younger than me, I’m guessing. Why?”

“Because you should get her to fall in love with you. Take her out on dates, each one a little longer than the last until she’s gone long enough for…” Thwack . “…goodbye family homestead.”

“She’d rather drink a weed killer cocktail than spend another minute with me.”

“Naw, c’mon. No woman can resist when you heap on the charm. I’ve seen it a million times. You got this.”

“Vince, I am telling you, you did not meet this woman. Neither of us would ever date the other in a million years.” A loud squelching sound made Nico grimace. He did not see the appeal of cleaning a fish.

“She that ugly?”

“Well, no. She’s kinda cute. But, personality-wise, it’s like she never matured past the terrible twos. An evening with her would be sheer misery, and I’m not doing it once, let alone multiple times.”

“Okay, so what are we going to do?”

“We’re going to put her in such sheer misery she runs off screaming. But I’m going to need help.”

“Say the word!”

“I’ll send you instructions.”