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CHAPTER SEVEN

HARLOW

H eavy footsteps vibrated through the walls as Brooks entered the living room. I sensed the tension rolling off him before he appeared in front of me.

“Have you eaten?” he asked, setting a brown paper bag on the coffee table.

“I had one of your protein bars earlier.”

He looked like that answer didn’t make him happy. I wasn’t sure why he even cared.

Instead of replying, he reached into the bag and pulled out two containers. He flipped the lid open on one and pushed it across the table. “You need to eat something.”

I sat up straighter, my eyes widening in surprise. “No way. Beef on a wick from the pub?”

He reached over and grabbed the other container. “I stopped after work and brought food back. It’s not a big deal.”

My stomach growled, reminding me that I barely ate anything today. The only things I found in the fridge earlier were a sad-looking container of lettuce and a questionable block of sharp cheese.

I set my phone down and glanced at the time. It was almost eight p.m. “I was starting to think you forgot about me.”

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “Why didn’t you eat one of the frozen meals in the freezer?”

“Because I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to.”

His glare hardened, and for a moment, I wondered if there was anything I could say or do to get him to not hate me so much. “You can help yourself to whatever you want. I don’t want you to starve on my watch.”

“Right.” I reached over and grabbed my container. The smell hit me immediately, and it was warm and comforting. This used to be my favorite sandwich because the roast beef was full of flavor and would melt in your mouth.

Brooks sifted through the bag and dug out the utensils and napkins. As I bit into my sandwich, I felt his eyes on me.

I chewed carefully, trying not to spill anything on my lap. “Thanks for bringing me dinner.”

He moved to sit beside me on the couch; the cushions dipping slightly under his weight. “I wasn’t sure if you still like to eat that kind of stuff, so I got a salad in there too, in case.”

The sandwich paused on the way to my mouth. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He scratched the side of his cheek.“We don’t really know each other anymore. For all I know, you only eat kale and drink green smoothies.”

My eyes narrowed. He was hinting at something; I wish I could figure out what.

“I can assure you that I will pick meat and carbs over kale and a smoothie any day. Just don’t ask me to cook anything.”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. It was a small one, but it was genuine, and it felt like a tiny victory.

“Good to know that some things about you haven’t changed.”

We ate the rest of our meal in silence. It wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t awkward either. It was neutral, like we were both wrapped up in thoughts and not sure how to act around each other.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked as we gathered the empty containers and brought them to the trash.

“Uh, yeah,” he replied, bending over to shut the disposal off.

“What did you mean when you said, ‘you were glad some things about me haven’t changed’?”

He hesitated for a moment before looking out the window. “It was nothing.”

“It was obviously something,” I said, not accepting that answer.

“We were kids back then, and it’s not like we kept in touch over the years. I have no idea who you are today.”

“I’m the same girl I was back then, just a little older and a lot wiser.”

He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his worn jeans. “Maybe, but you look different now, too.”

I cocked my head to the side, trying to determine if he meant it as a compliment or a dig. “Don’t we all change over time?”

“I guess.” He rubbed the back of his neck like he used to do when he was irritated.

“But I never left to go pursue my dreams like you did. I stayed here, in the same town I was raised in. Took over the family business and still hang out with the same group of friends since I was ten. Not much about me has changed since you left. I’m not so sure you can say the same. ”

I crossed my arms. “Of course, I changed. I had to. But I’m still me in the ways that matter.”

He folded the towel and set it beside the sink. We both stood there facing each other. “Did you ever think about me?”

Slowly, I was starting to understand where some of his hesitation was coming from. “Yes,” I said, stopping myself from saying more. I was tempted to tell him that I missed him, and wondered every day what it would have been like if I had stayed.

His hands flexed at his sides. “And yet, you still left.”

I forced myself to hold his gaze, even if it hurt. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

He scoffed. “That’s bullshit. You had a choice, and you chose him.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t choose him. Everyone had expectations of who I should be. I was young and naive, so I chose the path that was laid out for me.”

If he only knew the whole truth.

His eyes were hard. “We all have expectations in life. Did you think you were the only one?”

“Of course not, but you don’t understand the pressure that was put on me.”

Or the extremes I would go to in order to protect you.

He grabbed a sponge, dropped it in the soapy water, and rested his hip against the counter. “You can rationalize it any way you like to soothe yourself. It won’t change what happened to either one of us, will it?”

No, it wouldn’t because life was messy, painful, and full of regret. At least mine was. And I was starting to wonder if I would ever be able to fill in the gap between us. “I’m sorry for leaving the way I did.”

Brooks stared down at his hands. “I got over it.”

A knot formed in my stomach, and I had to force myself not to cry. Sure, we were young and clueless, but I’d made a choice. A choice that took me away from the only man I ever loved and a town that meant everything to me.

“I hate that I hurt you, but let’s be honest. You were happy here. This town is your life. I never would have asked you to give it all up for me.”

Nor would my father have ever allowed it.

His head snapped to mine. “That wasn’t your decision to make.”

I could feel his anger, his pain, and the betrayal that still lingered after all these years.

“I would have ruined your life, Brooks. I wanted you to have a chance to find real happiness, even if I wasn’t the one who could give it to you.

That’s all I ever wanted for you. Please tell me you were happy. ”

He met my eyes and hesitated for a minute. “There are times when I thought I was. I know I want to be.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but I had no idea what. It wouldn’t matter anyway, because nothing would change the past. I couldn’t go back and make different choices, no matter how much I wished I could.

When I looked at Brooks, I saw the man he had become—the man who stayed true to himself and built a life centered around his family and friends. I saw what he’s accomplished. I saw his loyalty and his pride, and it’s so different from what I was used to.

The weight of everything I lost and all I could have had if I had stayed pressed down on my heart.

“What about you?” he asked, as if he wasn’t sure he had a right to know the answer. “Were you happy with your decision? Were you happy at all after you left?”

“I was content doing what I was doing. I mean, I didn’t have time to focus on myself because I was too busy building my career.”

That wasn’t the question, and we both knew it.

“I’m not talking about your career.”

Right. He was talking about Baz.

Silence settled between us. Heavy and thick, and I hated it.Neither one of us knew what to say, and it felt like we were only making things worse.

He pushed away from the sink and stepped toward me. “I don’t get it, Harlow. You left and were ready to commit your life to a man you didn’t love. Make that make sense.”

I sat down and brought my knees to my chest. “You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand, because I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t figure out how a girl who used to be so full of life would settle for something so empty.”

I wrapped my hands around my legs, my nails digging into my skin. “I wasn’t looking for love. I already had it and lost it.”

“Correction. You didn’t lose it. You threw it away.”

I tilted my chin up in defiance. “That’s not fair.”

He leaned against the sink and crossed his arms. “Fair? You want to talk about fair? You were ready to sign your life away just to make Daddy happy.”

“You are right, and I have to live with that. But it’s easy to judge and criticize when you’re not the one making the sacrifice.”

It was hard to ignore the look of pity and disappointment in his gaze. “I guess things didn’t turn out quite like you planned, huh?”

I hung my head and stared at the floor. “No, and I realize now it was a mistake.”

“Why did you run from the church?”

I picked up the glass of water and took a sip.

I wasn’t expecting this conversation to get so heavy.

“Lots of reasons, but the one that struck me most was when I would go to dress fittings. I would be surrounded by happy brides. They would talk about how happy and in love theywere, and then I stepped out of the fitting room and looked at myself in the mirror. I was the furthest thing from happy. I felt empty. I saw the rest of my life flashing before my eyes, and it seemed so cold and bleak. Our marriage would have been nothing more than a business arrangement. The closer the wedding date got, the more I questioned my decision.”

His brows furrowed, like he was searching for a piece of the girl he once knew. I thought maybe he would say something, but he didn’t.

“Talk to me,” I pleaded.

He clenched his jaw and looked away from me. “I can’t do this.”

“Brooks,” I called out, but he was already around the corner. “Wait.”

He paused for a moment when I finally caught up to him. His shoulders were rigid. “What do you want from me, Harlow?”

I swallowed thickly, wishing I had the nerve to tell him how I really felt. “Will I ever be able to fix this? Will you ever be able to forgive me?”

He raked a hand through his hair. “You can’t expect one conversation to fix everything.”

“I don’t, but I have to start somewhere, right?”

He paused for a moment and glanced back at me. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he nodded and walked away. I sat in the empty kitchen, wondering if I would ever get the chance to make things right with him.