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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

HARLOW

B rooks pulled away from the curb. The inside of his truck was quiet, but there was so much noise in my head that I welcomed the silence.

I snuck a glance at him, gripping the steering wheel with both hands. His eyes were locked on the road, doing everything in his power not to look at me.

I leaned my head back against the seat. “You regret what happened, don’t you?”

He shifted his weight and draped his hand over the console like he didn’t know what to do with himself. “I’m pissed at myself for losing control. It feels like I took advantage of you.”

I couldn’t help but snort. “I’m the one who shoved my hand down your pants.”

He shook his head with a half-smile on his lips. “You definitely caught me off guard.”

My cheeks flushed. “I guess I got caught up in the moment.”

Brooks tilted his head, just enough to look into my eyes. “And now?”

I held his gaze, trying to show him there was no regret on my end. “Now, I’m wondering why I waited so long to make the first move.”

A low growl rumbled in his throat. “You keep saying stuff like that, and you’ll find yourself in my bed tonight instead of the guestroom.”

I shrugged. “Fine by me.”

I caught the twitch in his jaw as he stared at me from the corner of his eye. “You need to stop talking like that. You have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

My smile was smug as I stared down at the bulge in his pants. “Oh, I have a pretty good idea.”

“You’re dangerous.”

“So are you.”

That made him laugh.

By the time we pulled up to the house, I should have been exhausted, but sleep was the last thing on my mind. “Are we going to talk about what happened tonight?”

He turned to face me fully. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking?”

He swallowed and curled his fingers in his lap.

“I’m torn, Harlow. I’ve spent the last five years being angry at you because you left.

You didn’t choose me.” He exhaled sharply.

“But as time went on, I wasn’t just mad at you.

I was angry with myself. I let myself believe that our love was enough. That nothing could touch us.”

I blinked hard against the sting in my eyes. “I’m sorry I broke us.”

“I know. That’s what makes it worse.”

Silence stretched between us. I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation tonight, but I needed him to see that I wasn’t that same young, naive girl who left him. I needed to prove that I wasn’t running this time.

“Brooks, I don’t want to ignore what happened tonight and pretend that it didn’t mean anything.

” He took slow, steady breaths while staring straight ahead.

I saw him slowly begin to rebuild the wall between us, but I wouldn’t let him shut me out again.

“You don’t need to say anything. I only need you to know that I meant every word I said tonight.

Every touch meant something to me. I know we are supposed to be pretending, but this feels very real to me. ”

I sensed he wanted to fight it. Push me away and bury everything that happened. It didn’t matter because for the first time since I returned to Marcellus Falls, I saw the boy I used to love. The one who made me feel like this place could be my forever home.

I reached over, lacing my fingers with his. He couldn't take his eyes off our clasped hands. The inner struggle on his face was hard to miss. A part of him still cared, but the other wasn't sure if he could trust me again.

Then, without a word, he let go, pushed the door open, and stepped out of the truck. He walked toward the house, and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach, but then suddenly, his feet halted, and he turned around. He strode over to my side of the truck and opened the door.

When he reached for my hand, I didn’t even ask where we were going.

His grip was tight as we stepped inside the house.

Diesel ran out to go to the bathroom. Once he was done, he grabbed my hand again and led me through the dark house.

We didn’t stop until we reached his bedroom.

He shut the door before the dog could come in, and in one swift motion, he was crowding me against the wall.

My breath hitched. “What are we doing?”

His eyes searched mine, like he was looking for an answer to a question that he didn’t know how to ask.

“Tell me again that you won’t regret this in the morning.”

I cupped his face as my eyes locked on his. “I could never regret you.”

Before I could draw in my next breath, his lips were on mine, like he couldn’t kiss me fast enough. My mouth moved against his, desperate and greedy. His hand moved to the back of my head, holding me tight and anchoring me to him.

His hand drifted to my face as he broke the kiss. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. We’ve probably already gone too far.”

Instead of answering him, I took his hand and led him to the bed.

“Brooks, please stop questioning it. We both want this to happen.”

His hands slid down my side, gripping my hip like he was trying to keep me from disappearing again. “You drive me crazy.”

I lifted my chin up, searching for his lips. “And you love it.”

He groaned against my mouth. “You are right. I do. I love it too fucking much.”

His hand slipped from my side to my lower back. He splayed his fingers out, pulling me closer. “You really want to cross this line?”

“I’ve done it before with you.”

His thumb traced my bottom lip. “Do you have any idea how badly I want you?”

“I think I do, but I’d rather have you show me.”

His hand drifted down my arms before he lifted me up and laid me on the mattress.

There was so much desire in his eyes that I wanted to melt.

I leaned up on my elbows and watched him struggle to remove his belt.

He watched my expression while pushing his pants and boxers down his legs.

I thought I was prepared for this, but I was wrong.

Thick muscles and a six-pack that weren’t as defined five years ago had me forgetting how to breathe.

I swear, my lungs betrayed me. He had always been toned and muscular, but everything on his body seemed bigger.

And I meant everything.

A slow, lazy smile lifted his lips. “Harlow Bennet. Are you checking me out?”

“I forgot how well-endowed you were.”

A laugh rumbled from his chest. “Were you not paying attention when you were giving me road head?”

“I was a little preoccupied.”

Brooks put his hands behind his head. “Would you like me to keep standing here so you can keep staring?”

My eyes flickered from his eyes to his mouth and back up again.

“No. I would rather have you inside me instead.”

He came toward me at a slow, deliberate pace, and planted one knee on the bed.

The mattress dipped underneath his weight, but I couldn’t move.

He was so close I could see the flecks of gold in his eyes.

His hand came up, and he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

His knuckles were warm against my skin, but it wasn’t just about the touch, it was about the emotion behind it.

He leaned in slowly, like he was trying to memorize every little detail.

His one hand slid to the back of my neck so that he could angle my face toward his.

The kiss was soft and slow this time, like neither one of us had plans to stop.

My legs wrapped around him and I felt a low growl from his chest. His mouth trailed down my jaw, then to my neck.

My entire body ached with need. Not just physically, but because I needed this connection to him.

His teeth grazed along my shoulder, and he reached under my dress.

I helped him shove the material up and over my head.

“God, I missed this,” he said, pressing kisses across my collarbone.

I looked up as he undid the clasp of my bra and slid it down slowly.

His eyes were on mine, as if asking for permission. “Touch me, Brooks.”

He dragged his hand to my breast and scraped his thumb across my nipple. “I’m going to erase his touch. I want him gone.”

His tongue traced along my jaw and then down between my breasts. He pulled a nipple into his mouth, and I moaned when his teeth bit down.“I wish you were always mine. No one else’s.”

I rocked my hips into his. “I’ve always been yours.”

Even when we were apart and I swore I was over him.

The tip of his erection slid up and down my center. “Do we need to use anything?”

I let out a moan as he kissed along my throat.“We’ve had enough years between us, we don’t need anything else.”

I’ve been on the pill for years to help regulate my periods, and I trusted him.

“Are you sure?”

“Brooks,” I pleaded. “I am sure. Now stop talking. Don’t make me beg.”

His fingers moved to my clit. He added just the right amount of pressure. “Patience, baby.” He slid his finger in and out of my opening before adding another one. “You are so wet and responsive.”

I ran my hands along his biceps, loving how his muscles rippled under my touch. “That’s because you’re really good at this.”

He laughed and braced himself above me. “And going forward, I’ll be the only one doing this.”

My fingers snaked up and gripped the back of his hair. “It’s been a while for me, so I need you to go slow.”

His gaze narrowed, as if trying to figure out what I meant. I hope he didn’t ask because I wasn’t ready to confess the truth.

Brooks pinned my arms above my head and laced our fingers together. “Tell me if it hurts too much.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t go getting cocky on me now.”

“You used to love it when I was cocky.” He exhaled against my jaw. I tried to bend my legs together to relieve some of the pressure, but he pushed them open. “Keep them open so I can see all of you.”

My heart thumped wildly in my chest as he ran his fingers through my neatly trimmed pubic hair. “I love that you never shaved yourself bare.”

I laughed. “What do you have against being fully waxed?”

“Not my thing. Never has been. I like knowing that you’re all woman.”

He ran his tip along my opening and slowly pushed himself inside. It was only an inch, possibly two, but I was already struggling to breathe. Brooks leaned forward, capturing my mouth with his as he seated himself all the way in.

“You feel so good,” he said through gritted teeth.

I felt him everywhere as he took his time, allowing me to adjust to his size. He pushed deeper, taking more than before.

“Am I hurting you?”

It was painful, but not too bad. “It’s worth it. Don’t stop.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

He drew his hips back and slammed inside. He was hard and deep, and I was gasping for air.

My eyes slid shut as he continued to push and circle into my warm heat.

“Keep your eyes open,” he gritted out.

I moaned as his body took over mine. I was trying to hold on, but I was ready to combust at any second.

Every time he would slam forward, I would cry out. Stroke after stroke sent my heart soaring higher. The headboard thumped against the wall. Every thrust pushed me closer to the edge. Brooks picked up the pace as if he were chasing something that was just within his reach.

My nails cut into his skin as he continued to pound into me. I was gasping for air; the world around me no longer existed. It was just the two of us.

He bent forward, taking a nipple into his mouth and sucked hard. “I love watching you fall apart for me.”

“Oh, God,” I panted out, feeling my orgasm propel forward. It felt like he was trying to break me into a thousand pieces.

Brooks tossed my leg over his shoulder. The angle was deeper and more intense than I was prepared for. He trailed his mouth along my throat, licking and sucking while I thrashed beneath him. His hips moved faster as he continued to drive me higher and higher to the peak.

“Let go for me, baby,” he hissed out and slammed his mouth into mine.

My hips shot forward, and then there was an explosion. The pressure and the release came pouring out of me.

I wanted to help him get there, so I squeezed tight around him and tugged hard on to his hair.

His entire body tensed, so I gripped him harder. His eyebrows pinched together, and he groaned loudly. “Oh, fuck!” He threw his head back and came in hot spurts.

He was warm, and I waited for his movements to slow before I finally let go of his hair.

Once he was finished, he sighed and dropped his face into the crook of my neck.

I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what to say, so I gave myself a minute to catch my breath.

I wanted to ask him what this meant, but I was too chicken shit to ask.

When he finally looked up at me, there was a smile on his face. “This wasn’t supposed to happen but I’m not sorry that it did.”

My thumb traced his bottom lip. ”Me either.”

We laid there tangled together, soaking up in the aftermath of what just happened. His arms were around me and my head was on his chest.

I spent years trying to find this type of connection with the man I was supposed to marry, but I never found it. Brooks was the only person who made me feel this way.

As I curled into his side, I was reminded of everything we lost and hoped and prayed with all I had that we could get it back.