Page 45

MIA

The whole ride, I rack my brain for a way to turn down Yulian’s offer.

It’s too much. I don’t deserve it—and he certainly doesn’t have the responsibility to fix my messes.

He’s my employer. My side-boss. He’s…

Kind. He’s being kind to you, dummy.

The engine purrs under me. I sink into the warm leather seats, Yulian’s touch still buzzing under my skin. He’s in the driver’s seat now, having sent Maksim off to hold down the fort for him—whether the company fort or the shadow fort, I’m not certain. Some things are better off staying mysteries.

Except the mystery of why Yulian’s doing this.

It can’t be to sleep with me. One, because he’s already slept with me plenty; two, because by now, he’s probably aware he doesn’t need to wine and dine me to sleep with me at all; three, because you can’t really get frisky with a kid on the road.

Hyperactive four-year-olds with a habit of crawling into bed with Mommy don’t exactly qualify as aphrodisiacs.

Which leaves me with only one possible explanation.

He cares.

I shake my head. I’m not ready to accept that. Because, if I let myself be lulled by this, I’ll fall into something much worse than a false sense of security.

I’ll fall , period.

And I can’t have that. Not with Mr. Hot-and-Cold here, not with anyone.

Because Brad will find out.

And when he does, it won’t just be me who pays the price.

The car slows to a stop. Upper East Side greenery greets me wherever I look, reminding myself of how different two worlds can be.

Mine and Yulian’s, for instance. They should never have touched, but here we are, a fluke of fate that’s unlikely to repeat itself. Unlikely to last.

But he came for you.

Yes. He did.

And I have no idea what that means.

“Mommy!”

I’m startled out of my thoughts by a small, happy voice. The only voice in the world that can make all my burdens melt away.

“Hey, munchkin.” I smile, getting out of Yulian’s car and walking up to Eli at the school gate, where a teacher stands off to the side, supervising the pick-up.

Eli’s eyes widen at the sight of the Maybach. “Is that ours? ”

It drags a laugh out of me. “Nope. Bit too big for our parking space.”

“You should listen to your mom,” a deep voice rumbles from the driver’s seat. “She knows all about tow trucks.”

“Yulian! You’re here!” He doesn’t quite crash into Yulian’s knees, but it’s a close thing. “Are we getting pizza again?”

“If you want,” Yulian says. He has this way of speaking to Eli, like he’s a slightly tinier adult, that Eli seems to absolutely adore.

No baby speak, no cooing, no beating around the bush.

It warms my heart to see it—how unexpectedly good Yulian can be with kids.

With my kid. “But first, how’d you like to go on a mission? ”

Eli’s face lights up. His mouth falls open into the biggest grin I’ve ever seen, gap-toothed and filled with joy.

Happy.

And I realize I could never let anything get in the way of that.

Not even the doubts gnawing at my heart.

“Mommy! Can we bring Garfield, too?”

We’ve been packing for five minutes, and already, Eli’s suitcase is filled with more toys than essentials.

“You can pick one plushie,” I tell him. “We’re going away for the weekend, not the rest of our lives.”

Though it’d probably be the smarter thing to do.

Eli’s face falls. “Just one?”

“I think we can make that three,” Yulian chimes in from the doorway. “We’ll be flying on my jet. No need to pack small. That is, if your mom’s okay with it.”

“Please?” Eli puts on his best puppy eyes.

I roll mine and give a resigned smile. “Fine. But only because Yulian’s got his personal sky cab. Soon as we’re back to flying coach, Garfield guards the door here.”

“Thanks, Mommy!”

He didn’t listen to a word I said after “fine,” but the happiness in his voice still fills my heart to the brim.

“Thank Yulian,” I say. “He’s the one who invited us.”

“Thanks, Yulian!”

As Eli goes back to the hard task of picking three toys for the road instead of three hundred, I slump against the doorway and exhale. Finally, the day’s exhaustion has caught up with me. If walls were pillows, I’d be snoring already.

“Last chance to back out,” I whisper. “Once he’s picked his travel buddies, he’ll be unstoppable.”

“I’m a man of my word,” Yulian drawls back. “And you look like you could use a getaway.” His hand touches my cheek, resting just below my eye. “When’s the last time you had a full night’s rest?”

I try to ignore the way my heart quickens. The way heat blooms in the wake of Yulian’s touch, lighting me up from the inside.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

Ever since what happened the night of the StarTech investor gala—with Brad, with Eli, with Yulian — thoughts have been crowding my mind like moths dancing around a bonfire, refusing to step back from the flame.

Whenever I try to close my eyes, it’s never darkness that greets me on the other side.

Just smoke from a window, cigarettes sizzling on flesh, and that almost-kiss in the kitchen.

The kiss that could’ve changed everything.

The kiss I didn’t let happen.

“You can catch some rest on the jet,” Yulian murmurs. “I’ll make sure Maksim flies it in circles for a while before landing.”

“And doom the environment in the process?” I tease.

“I’ll buy some carbon offset to atone for our emissions sins.” His voice drops low, his face draws closer. Not quite enough to kiss, but enough to let me yearn for it. For everything this could be. “I assume that was the last of your excuses?”

“You’re right,” I whisper. My gaze keeps flitting from his ash gray eyes to his flame-licked lips. Summer’s heat has long faded, and yet, I’ve never felt more like bursting into flames. “Joke’s on me.”

Eli’s in his room. We’re alone in the hallway. We could close the distance right now, steal this moment, make it ours.

We almost do.

And then the doorbell rings.

“ Blyat’, ” Yulian curses under his breath, right against my parted lips. “Must be Maksim.”

“I’ll get it.” I make my escape like a thief: head low, feet light, heart pounding in my ears. What the hell is wrong with me? Have I learned nothing from last time I woke up in Yulian’s bed? That I let him squeeze my heart until there was nothing left?

Have I learned nothing from my ex?

He’s different. You know he is. It’s that tiny voice at the back of my mind, the one I’ve tried so hard to suppress. My constant companion in all these sleepless nights. He’s far from perfect, but he cares about you. He cares about Eli.

He wants you to be happy.

Soothed, I throw the door open. “I hope you’ve got snacks for the road, because?—”

But it’s not Maks.

“Ms. Winters,” the frosty, nasal voice of Howard Lee greets me. “May we come in?”