Page 9

I’ve always had a bittersweet relationship with California.

On the one hand, it’s always sunny, most people here are pretty laid back, and as long as you’re not in downtown LA, the number of cars isn’t too bad.

But then you get to all the stuck-up celebrities, the people willing to do anything to get ahead in the industry—music, film, television, they’re all the same—or how backstabby everyone is, and also how genuine friendships rarely exist in this city.

Especially when you’re the obvious surprise kid of two hugely successful musicians.

Everything about the city of angels reminds me of the most painful time of my life, of how awful people can be.

Growing up, when it was just Mom, Dad, and me, we spent a lot of months out of the year here, at least when they weren’t on tour.

I remember them trying to make things better for me— taking me to the amusement parks, which I still hate, taking me to work with them, which I only liked when it was time in the studio.

They even enrolled me in a middle school in Beverly Hills, but that just.

.. didn’t work out. Not even for a full week.

Eventually they stopped traveling here altogether.

Whenever they weren’t on tour we were in England with my gran and pop, or in New York, but seeing this California is very different than what I’m used to.

“Why didn’t we ever live here ?” I ask my parents while we drive down the highway right next to the ocean. “This is amazing,” I tell them, watching the scenery pass through from the back seat of the SUV they arranged to drive on our short weekend trip.

We didn’t land in LAX or in the small airfield outside the city, but instead we landed a bit up north, and only a twenty-minute drive away from Western Malibu, where the ranch is, though we’re staying in Central Malibu—I checked the map while we were on the plane.

I hear Mom chuckle from the back.

“We didn’t have any reason to come here, sweetheart. We always came to LA for work,” she reminds me in that gentle way that doesn’t bother me. When people are too gentle, that bothers me.

“It is gorgeous out here, isn’t it?” Dad asks softly, looking out the other window. When I lean over to see what he sees, it’s all mountains and endless fields.

I go back to my view; it’s better.

“Love you moonlight,” I hear him whisper, and knowing it’s for Mom, I don’t turn back to look .

It only occurs to me then that I might’ve fucked up what was supposed to be a couple’s getaway for them. They do have three kids at home who all think they know better than them—they don’t. Even Logan, who’s already an adult and of drinking age, can act like a real baby sometimes.

We arrive at a beach house near the actual town of Malibu, where they’ve rented a house for the two nights, and hurry to leave our bags because that’s all we have time for.

On the way over to where this party will be, I tell myself I’ll give them all the space I can today to enjoy their time away from the kids.

It was very rude of me, the way I just said I was coming after all, and Mom did give me a talking to about being respectful after.

Thankfully I escaped Dad’s impending inquisition.

He saw me looking at Carter and smirked at me— smirked!

So I knew it was coming, and it’s probably still going to come no matter how much I outrun him, but I’m not going to stop trying.

I go over the names Mom and Dad listed on the plane, about who will be at this thing, and I remind myself I’ve known Hawk and Wolf since they were born thanks to how close our parents were.

I might not be super close friends with them, and I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with Hawk, but I’m sure I’ll feel comfortable with him.

Then there’s also Cindy, their manager, who I love because she was the intern of my parents’ manager for a few years.

Sterling will also be there, and his husband Jules who I can pester with hockey questions and he won’t mind—he hasn’t in the past.

And then there’s Carter . . .

During dinner the day before yesterday I relaxed in his presence, and though I didn’t talk to him much, I can always tell him how much I still admire his mother. That’s a good way to start a conversation, right?

I still don’t have a clear answer on why exactly I said I’d come, except that I know I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see him again. Why that is, is a mystery. I’m hoping seeing him again will clarify some things for me.

“How are you feeling?” Mom asks me quietly.

This time she’s sitting next to me and Dad’s in the back.

I take the question seriously, like I have ever since she explained to me how other people only ask to be polite but she asks because she’s my mother and being constantly worried about me is her job and her pleasure.

“I’m good,” I tell her honestly. “Just a little nervous. I hope Wolf doesn’t mind that I came after all.”

“Of course he won’t, son,” Dad says. “I know he’s not easy to read but he’s a good man.”

“I know, Dad.” I look back and smile at him. If Wolf wasn’t a good man, Dad wouldn’t be his friend.

“Well you just tell us if you need anything during the party, okay?”

“I will.”

“And if you want to leave early,” Eric, my parents’ bodyguard says from the driver’s seat. “You just tell me, okay?”

“Thank you,” I whisper. He’s always been very kind to me, while not treating me like a child like so many do when they realize how much help I need to interact with other people. He’s straightforward with me, but still gentler than he is with my brothers .

“We’re here,” Mom says with a little cheer, and I see two big gates open and a sign on the side that says Storm Ranch.

“Do they have cattle?” I wonder out loud.

“I have no idea, but that would be hilarious,” Dad says, and chuckles.

“Why would it be hilarious?”

“Picture Wolf chasing cows in a field,” he explains, and when I do, I can’t help but smile too. That would be amusing.

“Behave,” Mom tells us sternly, but she’s looking out the window, so she’s not actually mad.

Soon enough, we’re greeted by a man dressed casually, and he tells us which path to take, and Eric where to park.

They seem to know each other, and though I’m sure I could spend a good amount of time hypothesizing about where they know each other from, I prefer looking out at the endless view of the Pacific while we walk down a hill.

I can see a huge party below, the biggest bouncy house I’ve ever seen, a lot of smoke from grills, and people.

Soooo many people.

I take a deep breath as I walk behind my parents who are swinging their interlocked hands.

“Sam!” I hear a shout, and then Hawk is running up to meet us. He embraces Mom like he hasn’t seen her in ages, then Dad too. I tense when he steps up to me with the same wide smile, but relax when he offers me his hand.

“Nice to see you again, Hawk. Thank you for the invite.” I make sure to say all the things Mom taught me, and I even smile. It comes easy, so I’m hopeful it looks natural.

“Wolf,” I hear Dad say then, and see Wolf walking over holding another man’s hand. That has to be CJ, the guy whose party this is and Carter’s best friend. At least my understanding from everything London told us is that he’s one of his best friends.

I feel a sudden tension in my arms, and I know that means nervousness. Why am I nervous?

I do have to say Wolf and CJ make a striking couple.

Wolf has let his blond hair grow again after he cut it all off while he was living in Manhattan last year—I remember that change was rattling for me—and CJ’s light brown hair is only slightly long, but styled in a way that looks effortless and put together at the same time. I have no clue how he can manage that.

“Liam,” Dad says and it brings me back to the present.

I see Wolf’s offering me his hand, and so I hurry to shake it.

“Hello, thank you for the invitation,” I tell him, only looking at his eyes for a second, and then offering my hand to CJ.

“Nice to meet you, and happy birthday.” I can’t look directly in his eyes, it’s too soon.

And it’s his birthday, and his party, which I said I wouldn’t come to, and then said I would less than two days before.

“Thank you,” CJ says, and I do catch him smiling wide, which couldn’t be more opposite to Wolf’s frown.

I’m hoping that’s his usual frown and he’s not offended by how long it took me to greet him.

“We’re so glad you came, thank you for making the trip.

” He looks at all three of us while he talks, and by the way Mom’s smiling, I can tell she finds him charming.

“We’ve got all you could want for a birthday, so come down and we’ll show you around. ”

I don’t speak again until the tour of the festivities is almost over, and I’m thankful no strangers have come up to greet us. That would be very unnerving—more unnerving. There are so many strangers, people I’ve never met and have no clue how to talk to.

God, I really think this might’ve been a mistake.

I’m going to have to go back to regular appointments with Dr. Becky just so I can figure out what sick part of my brain thought this was a good idea. Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to?—

“Hello again.”

I hear his calm voice and my spiraling thoughts stop. What is up with that?

I turn and see Carter greeting my father, then I see him accept a hug from Mom. He closes his eyes when they do, and even I can see he enjoys the embrace. Can’t blame him, my mom’s hugs are the best.

“Liam,” he murmurs when he leans back from Mom, and he offers me a hand just like at the airport.

“He-hey,” I say, stumbling over the simple greeting, but I shake his hand then let go quickly. Was his skin so soft before? I don’t think it was.

“Come on, let’s get you guys something to eat,” Hawk says excitedly and leads all of us to one of the grills.