Page 36

“He-hello?” I answer the call with a stutter.

I don’t even care at this point.

All the plans Parker, William, and I have for ESoothe are depending on the news Tristan has for me, and being nervous is only logical.

“Liam, sorry for interrupting your evening.” Tristan’s smooth, clear voice comes over the phone.

“It’s fine, do you have news?” I’m too anxious for niceties.

“I do,” he says slowly and then takes a deep breath.

“Michelle called this morning and told me she’s leaving for her family vacation overseas for two weeks, so she won’t be able to speak to you until she’s back, but she did say she’s open to explaining her reasons for not investing in person if you want to hear them. ”

It takes me way too long to understand.

“What?” I ask in a gasp .

“I’m sorry, Liam. She said she won’t invest in ESoothe.”

I’m sure someone else would be able to detect what Tristan is feeling by the tone or cadence of his voice, but I can’t, and even if I had that ability, I’m not sure it would be useful right now.

“She won’t invest,” I whisper, just so I can make sure I’m not having a nightmare.

“She won’t,” Tristan repeats, and I’m not sure if it helps or not.

“All right.” I swallow hard then lick my lips because they suddenly feel very dry.

“We can talk through some other possible investors tomorrow if you’d like to meet,” Tristan says but it sounds distant.

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I?—”

This was the only good choice.

What the hell are we going to do now?

William and Parker trusted me with this side of ESoothe, and I’ve let them down. My parents have always believed in me fervently, and I couldn’t even manage this. I was supposed to be able to show something for all of it.

And now . . .

“Please send me the time and place,” I tell Tristan, and even I know my voice sounds way too flat now.

“I will. Try to get some rest, Liam, and we’ll find a solution eventually. Don’t give up hope.”

“I’ll try,” I tell him, being as honest as I can.

I end the call and place my phone carefully on the counter.

“Can I hug you?” Carter whispers softly.

I answer with a single nod and stare at the windows behind him as he wraps his arms around me .

“I’m sorry,” he says, his face tucked right against mine so his mouth is right by my ear.

I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing. No nice things come to mind right then.

“Do you need your earbuds?” he asks.

“Not right now.”

Right now I only want to stand here and feel Carter hugging me. That’s the only thing holding me together at the moment, his voice and his arms.

Breaking apart isn’t an option.

I haven’t given up anything in my life, and though I know I might not have a choice, I doubt I’ll feel like quitting when this shock leads to an emotional wave and that eventually passes.

“Will you stay?” I ask him. “Sleep here?” He keeps quiet for a moment and I hold my breath.

“Of course I’ll stay,” he finally says, and I exhale harshly.

“Just to sleep,” I clarify.

“Yeah, I’ll sleep here,” he murmurs. “Do you like cuddling?”

I’m surprised by the question but not able to show it in any significant way.

“I would like to cuddle with you,” I confirm.

“Good, cause I like holding you and kissing you, and I’d always thought it must be nice to be the little spoon, you know?”

That single sentence is miraculous enough to make me chuckle.

Just once, and not very enthusiastically, but it’s a chuckle.

“Seems you’re ready for a lot of things already,” I murmur, recalling our earlier conversation .

“Maybe,” he concedes. “Want to take our drinks and snacks to your bed so you can lie down?”

How did he know I’d want to lie down?

Maybe tomorrow I’ll have the energy to ask; Tonight I just finally hug him back and nod against his head.

“That sounds perfect.”

“Why are you silently staring at me?” I ask the question groggily with only one eye open. I’m not mad at him, I just really want to know the answer—even if it is a somewhat startling way to wake up.

“I’m worried about how you’re feeling this morning?” he says like a question.

And who could blame him?

With the song selection my algorithm spit out last night—that no one will ever get to use—anyone with good sense would be worried.

“I’m better,” I assure him.

At least my uncaffeinated brain thinks I’m better.

The music did help, as did the movie. Hiccup, Toothless, and their heartwarming and unlikely friendship always make me happy.

“Are you sure?” Carter asks, and this time I only nod. His voice sounds different than normal. Harsher? Shorter? I don’t have the energy to figure it out right now.

“I need to start the coffee and then use the restroom,” I announce and heroically heave myself up to a sitting position. After I turn on the machine that gives me happiness in the mornings, I splash water on my face then go about my morning routine.

Carter is sitting at the foot of the bed with his clothes from yesterday in his lap when I come back out to the bedroom.

The way his eyebrows are scrunched up and downturned tells me he’s still worried, but I don’t think I can deal with that right now. Instead I focus on another matter that I think might be more urgent.

“I know you have to go to work today, and those clothes are all wrinkled.” And he has to be presentable to make sales. “I don’t know if my shirts will fit you, but I think I have some dress pants that would.”

I walk to my closet as I talk and start the search, even while I feel him walking behind me.

“Liam,” he whispers and I shake my head. He heaves a big sigh and pats my shoulder.

I ignore it.

“Okay, you look for what you need, and if you don’t find it, then we’ll have to leave soon so you can go home and then get to work on time.”

I walk past him without looking at him, hoping he’ll just let me have this, and go to the kitchen.

With every sip of coffee my reality seems bleaker and bleaker.

Normally it’s the other way around, but since I can process thoughts better, I can only dread what today will bring.

I check my phone and sure enough there’s a message from Tristan to meet him at noon for lunch .

That gives me a few hours at least.

Should I talk to Parker and William before or after the meeting with Tristan? Or should I ask them to come?

“You don’t look better now.” Carter’s soft voice brings me back to the present.

“I see you found suitable clothes,” I mention, not only because changing the subject is necessary, but also because he looks really good in my clothes. They’re a little tighter on him and that’s...

Yeah.

I like him in my clothes.

“I did.” He nods and walks to the coffee machine. I hurry to get him a cup, then get creamer, milk, and sugar.

I pay attention to how he prepares it, wanting to memorize everything from this moment. No sugar, and a big splash of creamer.

I don’t want us to talk about how my greatest creation won’t ever reach the public, or how I’ll be forced to sell it if I want it to. I don’t want Carter to regret starting a relationship with me by showing him the worst of me one day in.

And it’s creeping up to the surface, the need to?—

“Liam,” Carter whispers. He walks over with a trepidation that brings up the usual self-hatred. I start shaking my head before he takes the second step. “It’s okay to not be better, darling.”

The term of endearment throws me off.

“I like that.”

“What?” he asks, still speaking low .

“You calling me darling. I’ve never had anyone but my mother call me a term of endearment.”

“It’s not very original,” he mumbles, then shrugs. “It just... came out.”

“You’re right, maybe we should find better ones? I’d like to call you something nice too, but something only I can call you.”

My mind is already whirling with ideas, but none of them are good enough for Carter.

“We can do that some other time... darling.” He says it deliberately this time, and I find that I like it even more than I initially thought.

“I can see you’re doing your best to change the subject.

” Dammit. “And I understand why,” he goes on quickly.

“I want you to know I understand, but I also want you to feel like you can talk about this with me. I’ll be here to support you with this. ”

Another sip... or a few of them, are the only way I can possibly avoid ranting in that moment.

“Thank you,” I tell him finally. I can’t promise him I’ll take him up on his words, because how could I?

Our relationship just began last night and he’s taking a huge leap to be with me. Showing him the side of me that’s desperate to come out right now is not the way to keep growing our relationship.

“And you don’t have to walk me to work if you don’t want to,” he murmurs, and this time when he slides up next to me I don’t feel as panicky. He slides his arm around my waist and pats my back softly, and that makes me relax a bit more as well.

“I do want to,” I tell him quietly. “A walk before the heat ramps up will be nice. And I need to go talk to Tristan at noon anyway. I was also thinking about how I’m going to break the news to Parker and William,” I confess.

“I don’t want to have to tell them when I don’t have all the facts, but I feel like it might be best.”

“You know them better than I do.” He reaches for his coffee with his free hand, then turns back to me after he drinks a long sip. “But if they can offer any suggestions or encouragement, maybe it would be better if you see them before?”

“I suppose... oh! Maybe I can invite them to MP so they can try the treats, though I don’t know how well they do with dogs. I should ask.”

“That’s a good idea, but I’m just letting you know now, Theo isn’t in because he and Mike are away for a long weekend to celebrate their second wedding anniversary.”

I nod in acknowledgement, but if William and Parker are fine with dogs, I don’t see why we should skip the visit to MP. Casey, the woman who took my order the last time I was there was very kind.