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“It was,” Parker says, still emotionless.

“But it sounds like you were having a highly emotional night, and the days prior as well. Having to see your ex-boyfriend while he was being so mean, then trying to convince this woman to invest in ESoothe, and when human beings are in highly emotional situations, the after effects are always harsh. I believe it’s the norm to throw logic out the window, and I’m hoping I’m using that saying correctly?—”

“You are,” William and I say at the same time.

“Then it’s rational to conclude you weren’t in full control of your emotions last night. But you are now ,” he emphasizes, which is rare for him. “He is, right?” he asks William.

“I think so,” he murmurs.

“Me too,” I agree, and sigh. “But I’m still feeling embarrassed now.”

“I think that’s to be expected as well,” William says. “I believe hypotheticals are also a big part of advice-giving. I propose this one: if we could cure your embarrassment right now would you still not want to ever be in the same room as Carter?”

I give the theory some serious thought, then have to shake my head .

“I enjoyed his company, and if I were able to not remember the incident, then I’d be more than happy to continue our friendship... But,” I continue before William can celebrate too much. “I’d be even more attracted to him if I couldn’t remember the embarrassment, wouldn’t I?”

“How so?” Parker asks.

“It’s very unusual for me to feel attraction.

I have to get to know a man very well, and like him, and feel.

.. cared for,” I settle on. “Before I can be physically attracted to him. With Carter it happened faster than usual because the first thing I knew about him was that he’d protected my little sister. ”

“And then he was very understanding and accommodating to you,” Parker points out.

“Precisely.” I nod a few times before I go on. “None of that would change if I forgot the embarrassment. I’d still be feeling the attraction and the desire to ... kiss him,” I hedge, because despite our new labels as friends, I’m not yet comfortable sharing the depth of my desire for Carter.

“And we still don’t know for certain if he feels any desire for you too,” William concludes, then hums thoughtfully.

“I propose a partial solution,” Parker says after a moment.

I release a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding and nod for him to go on.

“I believe Carter has the best of intentions regarding you, Liam. The facts are, you are embarrassed, you’re attracted to him and would like your relationship to be more than friendship, but you’d be fine with a friendship if there’s a way for you to overcome the embarrassment.

” I nod along, following. “My proposal is you write back now that you know you read the situation wrong and you’re sorry.

You say you’re not sure what it will feel like when you see each other again and be honest about your apprehension. ”

“And then what?”

“And then you tell him you do want to be his friend,” William says, overly excited again. “He’s clearly taking this situation seriously, and I believe he can help you overcome your embarrassment better than us,” he points out, and I suppose that’s correct.

“I think it would be better if, for now, you only commit to seeing him again to discuss all of this in a day or two. More distance from the incident will give you more clarity, I believe,” Parker points out.

I nod a few times and then have to smile.

I have new friends that aren’t really new, and they’ve helped me however they can with my problems. This is better than anything that’s happened in the past decade as far as I’m concerned.

“I’ll do that now,” I tell them and get out my phone. After I hit send I look at them, and continue the friendship ritual. “Is there anything you guys want to discuss?”

“I have something,” William says excitedly. “But I think we should head to CAMM, and then when we have lunch we can discuss it.”

“If it’s not urgent, then I agree,” Parker says with a nod.

“Thank you for your support,” I tell them as we all stand and grab our things.

“It’s what friends do,” William tells me with a smile on his face, then he turns back to look at Parker. “Right?”

It’s two days later when I have to drag my palms down the sides of my sweatpants to dry the dampness that appeared right after the lobby called up to tell me Carter had arrived.

With the help of Parker, William, and a few of the teachers at CAMM who wanted to help, I’ve put together a step-by-step plan to mend our friendship, and today is step one.

I have to overcome this embarrassment and shame—a term one of the teachers provided, which I hadn’t associated with the situation, but now I see how perfectly it fits... sadly.

I don’t like shame.

“ No one does, ” Mom said this morning when I told my family everything that had happened since Monday night.

“Want me to kick his ass?” was Larson’s unhelpful—but touching according to Dad—suggestion.

“Carter is a good guy,” London protested.

They were all supportive of that remark, and I know that I can not only trust their opinions but that they wouldn’t lead me astray.

Still, when the knock comes I have to force myself to open the door as if I were about to walk into a snake pit.

So I open it with my eyes firmly on the floor.

“Hey,” he says, his soft voice acting like a balm to my nerves. It’s not that I’d forgotten what his voice sounds like, quite the opposite, but hearing it instead of imagining it has a much starker impact on me.

“Hello,” I murmur, and step back. “Please come in.” His steps are slow, as slow as the rise of the shame inside me. I really don’t like this. I have to... do something . “Would you like something to drink?”

“Not right now, thanks.”

There goes that plan.

“Liam, I really want to ask you to please look at me, but I know that wouldn’t be fair to you, so I won’t.”

His words do an amazing job of reminding me what a good man he is, and that helps too. A lot.

“Thank you,” I murmur. I don’t know if there’s anything else to say on that matter, so I launch into what I prepared with the assumption that Carter does want to continue our friendship.

That’s the one thing I can assume to be true right now, so that’s the best starting point.

“Over the last few days I’ve made a thorough analysis about this situation, and done some research.

” The words flow out of me exactly as planned, but then I’m compelled to add something new.

“It turns out I do have some other friends, and they’ve helped me a lot to prepare for today. ”

“Which friends?” he interrupts, and I don’t really mind, because his tone isn’t harsh or angry, more... honest curiosity, like Parker but with clearer emotion.

I risk a glance and see he isn’t frowning. His eyes are open a bit wider than normal, and his head is tilted in that way I always like seeing from him.

“Parker and William,” I answer, after my gaze is once more safely on the floor. “They’re the two programmers who are helping me with ESoothe. I met them in Boston.”

“That’s nice, and it does sound like you’re friends if you’ve known them for so many years and still like them enough to work with them. ”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of it that way,” I mumble, realizing he’s right. That would’ve been a very clear indicator. One we all missed. “They’re...” I hesitate, then decide to go with the simplest explanation. “They’re like me.”

“Always helpful to have shared experiences.”

I nod, though I’m only now realizing it.

“We only realized we’re friends recently,” I admit, and love the sound of his laughter.

It’s a kind laugh. I definitely know the difference.

“So you met them at Harvard?” he asks, still only sounding curious.

“No.” I wonder briefly if I should keep the details to myself, but then decide not to.

“I met them at the Center for Autistic Multidisciplinary Management in Boston, though Parker was a grad student at Harvard at the time, and William at MIT. They’re brilliant programmers and have not only helped me improve and develop the algorithm for ESoothe, but also expanded my vision for what is achievable using it. ”

“They sound like amazing men.”

“They are.” I nod once. “In any case, they helped me research how to mend a friendship after an awkward situation, and?—”

I stop when Carter holds one palm out to me in the universal stop signal.

“Before we get into that let me just say, the way I reacted wasn’t right, Liam.” His eyes are a lot more open now, and he looks... distressed. That alone has me holding my tongue. “I should’ve been more aware that you’d been feeling... that way.” That pause has me confused enough to look up .

I understand what he meant by “that way,” but I’m still not following.

“I hadn’t told you, though,” I point out.

“I know, but I should’ve seen the signs.” Well that’s just not logical at all. I’m the one who should’ve realized it was all an act. He had no reason to believe I wasn’t acting.

“I might be really bad at reading facial cues, Carter, but no one can read minds.”

He opens his mouth. I can tell he’s ready for a rebuttal, but then he closes it and seems to deflate.

“I can’t refute that, now, can I?”

He makes me smile. How is he managing that?

“In any case, let’s just forget it ever happened,” I say, wanting to move this along so hopefully both of us can stop feeling bad. “We’ll fix our friendship using this fifteen-step program I?—”

“Can you try again?” Carter interrupts me.

“Try... what?” I’m not sure what he’s talking about.

He takes a deep breath, then steps toward me so we’re less than two feet away.

“I want you to kiss me again to see if I like it.”

I... don’t know what to say to that.

I feel like I need a panel of peer reviewers to explain to me what the right thing to do is, but I’m sure that would quadruple the amount of embarrassment that’s still in me.

“I already consider you a friend,” Carter continues.

“And though I have lots of them, it’s not the same with you, and the last few days I’ve been wondering if this is why.

If I am attracted to you and just didn’t see or feel the signs.

I pulled away so fast I can barely remember the kiss, so I need you to kiss me again, and maybe this time do it on purpose? ”

He says that last part like a question and I just... “I’m not sure I follow,” I tell him honestly. “I kissed you on purpose last time.”

“Well, yeah, but it was kind of rushed, you know? As if you did it as an impulse.”

“Of course it was an impulse,” I tell him, feeling like we’re talking in circles.

“I know, I know, but...” He trails off, and I see it then. He’s feeling embarrassed too.

“Just tell me,” I coax him gently. If there’s something I don’t want us to give up it’s our ability to speak truthfully.

“One of the things I’ve thought about since.

.. that night, is that maybe you kissed me because of all the emotions at the ball, you know?

Maybe it was just because of the adrenaline of trying to get Mrs. Blackwell to become an investor, and all the acting in front of that royal dick, Dirk.

I think it might just have been because of all that and not because you actually want me. ”

I feel like he’s inferring something there I’m not catching, but I do follow his thought process and I understand why he’s scared.

So I guess before we can get over all of this, there’s more embarrassment waiting to happen...

If Carter doesn’t think my feelings are real after I do this, then I don’t know what will convince him.