Page 19

C lara swiped the mascara wand across her lashes as she watched her reflection in her dresser mirror.

She was tired. Had been tired all day. Which didn’t make sense because she’d barely done anything. But if there was anything she’d learned over the years about her chronic fatigue, it was that it didn’t matter if she’d seen two clients or ten, the exhaustion could sneak up on her.

Thirty. She was going to be thirty freaking years old in a week. And she’d most likely go into her thirties a virgin.

Yes, she’d told Holden that she wanted to sleep with someone before that, probably making it sound as though she’d have sex with any Tom, Dick, or Harry who came along.

But the closer she got to her birthday, the more she realized she couldn’t do that.

She capped the mascara as her phone dinged with a text. Maybe it was Indie. Her cousin was five minutes late to pick her up to go to the bar.

It wasn’t.

Helen: Hey. We haven’t seen you at the running club lately. We miss you. Want to hang out?

Interesting. Helen didn’t text her often.

She still hadn’t talked to Malcolm about Scarlett. She’d tried, but the man was always either working, sleeping, or busy. And she understood. He was a doctor; he worked long hours.

Maybe she could talk to Helen about it. But would the other woman want to go to the bar after what had happened in the alley?

Clara: My cousin and I are going to CJ’s tonight. You’re welcome to meet us there. Completely fine if you would prefer not to though.

Helen: No, CJ’s sounds good. When are you leaving?

Clara: Ten minutes.

Helen: See you soon.

There. Done. She’d tell Helen what she knew about Scarlett, and maybe even find out what had happened that night at the gathering, and then this guilt would finally lift off her shoulders.

Because she did feel guilty that she hadn’t told them what Scarlett’s true profession was.

She also felt guilty that she knew about the laced brownies and hadn’t said anything.

Maybe Helen and the others from the hospital would then find out who Scarlett worked for and let them know her less than ethical methods of getting information. It would get her fired, but that was something Scarlett would just have to deal with.

When her makeup was finished, she stepped into the hall just as keys rattled in the door. Then it flew open and Scarlett stepped in. Except, she didn’t look her usual cool, calm, and collected self. She was disheveled and her eyes were wide, almost scared.

Clara took a step toward her. “Scarlett…are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” The words were mumbled as she ducked her head and moved past Clara.

She was about to follow when the soft click of heels sounded behind her. She turned to see Indie standing in the still open doorway.

Her cousin lifted her brows. “Everything okay? I watched Scarlett race in here.”

“I’m not sure.”

She eyed Scarlett’s closed door. A part of her wanted to check on her roommate. But she was almost certain Scarlett wouldn’t open up to her. In fact, she’d probably yell at Clara to leave her alone.

She shook her head. “It’s not my business. Let’s go.” She grabbed her purse from the hall table and stepped outside.

Indie glanced back at the house. “Is Scarlett still moving out?”

“I gave her two weeks to find a place. I wouldn’t know how it’s going though, because she doesn’t talk to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Clara shook her head as she lowered into the car. “It’s okay. I tried, she didn’t. Her loss.”

“Absolutely her loss.”

As Indie started the car, Clara opened her purse. Crap. She’d left her phone on her bedroom dresser.

“Sorry.” She looked up at Indie. “I need to run back inside for my phone.”

“Want me to come?”

“No, I’ll be quick.” Clara jumped out and jogged back to the house. She quickly grabbed her phone from her bedroom and stepped back into the hall, only to stop at rustling noises from the kitchen. She frowned at the sight of Scarlett rummaging through the spice drawer.

“Is everything all right?”

Scarlett jumped and turned. “I thought you left.”

“I did. I forgot my phone. Didn’t you hear me open the door?” She held up her phone as if to prove her point before scanning the spices that had been taken out. “Baking?”

“Yep.”

Clara nodded slowly. “You know, if you ever need someone to talk—”

“You should go, Clara.”

Suddenly, anger cut through the concern. “I wish you’d given me a chance. I could have been a great friend, Scarlett.”

No emotion in the other woman’s eyes. None. “I don’t need friends.”

Argh . Why did she bother?

She turned and stormed out of the house before dropping back into the car.

Indie frowned at her. “Are you okay?”

“I shouldn’t let her get to me. Tell me I shouldn’t let her get to me.”

“You shouldn’t let her get to you.”

Why didn’t that help?

Indie pulled onto the road, her gaze continuing to flicker to Clara. “What happened?”

“Nothing. Just Scarlett being Scarlett. She’s so unfriendly.”

“You can’t change a leopard’s spots, Clara. She’s going to be who she is.”

“I know. And I thought I was okay with that because she was quiet and out a lot, but now I don’t know. I just think I deserve more from her. Really, it’s my fault for not asking her to leave sooner.”

“Well, you’ve asked her to leave now.”

She had. And soon, Scarlett would be out of her life.

By the time they arrived at the bar, Clara had calmed down…kind of. Until she saw Holden talking to Briar by the bar.

Great. Just what she needed.

They went to the bar, and Indie ordered a paloma while Clara got a soda water. Not exactly the life of the party, but she was here to catch up with Indie, not to drink.

She waited until they reached a standing table before asking, “So…the divorce papers. Have you opened them?”

Indie groaned. “I’ve tried. I really have. Every morning, I see them. Some days I even pick up the envelope. But so far, I just haven’t been able to.”

“That’s okay. If you need more time, you need more time.”

She looked down at her drink. “I saw Sylvia yesterday.”

It was hard for Clara to not wrinkle her nose at Colt’s mother’s name. “Where?”

“The diner. I didn’t know whether to smile or say hi or pretend I didn’t see her. In the end, she saw me. Came over. Told me I looked tired and asked if I was okay.”

“I really don’t like her.” Colt and Indie had been dating since high school, and at first everything had been fine. But in the last few years, Indie had received nonstop passive-aggressive comments and remarks designed to break her down.

“I don’t like that I put up with her for so long. But not anymore.” She took a big gulp of her drink. “I’m going to ask for more ice in my glass.”

Clara watched her cousin walk to the bar, her heart aching for her. She hated that Indie was hurting. She deserved better. And one day, she’d get better.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket with a text.

Helen: Sorry, I’ve gotten held up. Deb asked me to stop by. Rain check?

Damn. Clara really needed to talk to her. She needed to talk to someone from the hospital.

Clara: Not a problem.

Then, before she could think better of it, she typed out a text to Malcolm.

Clara: Hey. Just checking if you’re free? I’m at CJ’s.

Malcolm: Hey, Clara. Sorry. Just got home from a twelve-hour shift. I’m wrecked. Definitely next week.

It wasn’t going to happen. She just needed to accept that she was never going to speak to him. Maybe she just needed to text him the information and be done with it.

Sudden throbbing in her head made her massage her temple. Man, she was tired, and exhaustion always gave her a headache. Maybe she should have stayed home tonight.

“Are you okay?”

She jumped—and looked up to see Holden standing beside her, concern on his face.

Holden studied Clara’s eyes. They weren’t as bright as usual, and she had circles beneath them. “You’re tired.”

“I am.”

She didn’t even deny it like she usually did. And that made worry surge through him.

He stepped closer and touched her hip. “Let me take you home.”

She shook her head and stepped away, forcing his hand to drop. “I only just got here. Plus, you’re with Briar.”

“I’m not with Briar. I came to have a drink with your brothers. They had to go, and Briar saw me before I could leave.”

“You should return to her.”

“She left. But even if she hadn’t, I’d want to stay with you .”

Clara swallowed and looked away. “It’s okay, you know.”

“What’s okay?”

“Briar’s pretty. And if she’s what you’re into—”

“I am not into Briar.” And Clara saying she was okay with him choosing Briar left a sour fucking taste in his mouth. He glanced at her phone. “Who were you texting?”

“Helen. Then Malcolm. I was hoping one of them could meet me here.”

That sour taste raced down to his gut and coiled. “You wanted to have a drink with Malcolm?”

She rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t some prelude to sex, if that’s what you’re wondering. I want to tell them about Scarlett’s brownies.”

His muscles tightened at the mention of her roommate. “Is she still moving out?”

“As far as I know.” Clara stared at her drink like it was the most fascinating thing, before looking back up at him. “Holden, I’ve been trying to tell you without telling you, but…I think we should take a break from each other.”

For a second, he couldn’t catch his breath. He should have been expecting it, so why did it still hurt? “A break?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Her brows shot up. “You can’t just say no.”

“I just did.”

Her mouth opened and closed. “You don’t get a say.”

“The hell I don’t! We’re friends. Family.”

She shook her head. “You don’t get it.”

She stepped away, but he stopped her. “Clara. Don’t walk away from me.”

“It’s too hard!”

“ What’s too hard?” But he knew. Deep down, he knew.

She opened her mouth—only to stop and suddenly sway on her feet.

He cursed and grabbed her waist, holding her close. “Clara…you’re not okay.”

She rubbed her forehead. “I’m tired. I probably shouldn’t have come out tonight.”

No, she sure as hell shouldn’t have.

Indie stopped beside them, glass in hand. “Hey, is everything all right?”

“No,” Holden answered for her. “I’m taking Clara home.”

Indie frowned at him before looking at her cousin, concern in her eyes. “Clara?”

“I’m so sorry. I should have told you I wasn’t feeling great. Is it okay if we rain check?”

“Of course. I can—”

“I’ve got her,” Holden interrupted, already knowing she was going to offer to take Clara home.

Indie looked ready to argue, but Clara touched her arm. “It’s okay. Holden can take me. Thank you though. And I’m sorry again.”

The two women hugged, then he slipped his arm back around her waist to lead her outside.

The entire drive to her place, he kept one eye on the road and the other on Clara. “Have you passed out recently?”

She shook her head. “No. Apart from the last few days, I’ve been feeling really good. The dizzy spells can come out when I’m stressed.”

His fingers tightened around the wheel. Stressed because of her damn roommate. “Has there been any more trouble with Scarlett?”

“No. She’s just been her normal joyful self.”

“Are you going to find a new roommate?”

“I’ll need to if I don’t want to increase the hours I work. But I’ll give myself some time to find someone. Really vet them.”

“If you need any help, I’m a great vetter.”

She chuckled softly. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You know, by not getting to know you, she’s really missed out.”

A small smile curved Clara’s lips and she looked at him, the soft blue of her eyes boring into him. “Thanks, Holden.”

When he arrived at her place, it was to see most of the lights off. Good. Maybe her roommate was asleep.

Clara reached for her seat belt. “You don’t need to walk me up.”

He could have laughed. “Of course I do. The gentleman in me insists.” Plus, after almost passing out on him at the bar, he was making sure she got inside safely.

He climbed out and moved to her side to help her out. As they walked to her door, he kept a hand on the small of her back, letting her warmth slip into him, crawl up his arm, and heat his blood.

When the front door was open, she stepped inside and turned. “Well, thanks for walking me in.”

“I don’t want space.” The words fell from his mouth, heavy but true.

She tilted her head, resolve in her eyes. “You don’t want me in the same way that I want you. So I need space to move on.”

More fucking kicks to his gut, these ones harder and more precise.

“I need…” She looked at the sky behind him, as if searching for the right words. “I need to breathe without you being on my mind. I need to find my person without comparing every man I meet to you .”

“I don’t want to lose you.” It was unfair of him. He knew it was unfair. He was a selfish prick. She deserved to be with someone who could give themselves to her without hesitation. But the idea of her going out and finding someone who wasn’t him… fuck , it hurt.

She dropped her head into her hands and scrubbed her face. “Let’s sleep on it, okay?” She didn’t give him time to respond, instead stepping back and closing the door. Cutting their connection…and making him feel fucking hollow.