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“ I ’m going to tell him.”

Indie’s glass paused halfway to her mouth before she looked at Clara. “You’re going to tell who what?”

Clara glanced at Holden across her mother’s yard. He was drinking beer with her brothers, and it was taking everything in her not to stare.

She looked back at Indie and lowered her voice. “I’m going to tell Holden I’m a virgin.”

An almost thirty-year-old virgin. God, she could already feel the heat crawling up her neck.

Indie grabbed Clara’s arm and dragged her to a corner of the yard. “Why?”

“Because I turn thirty in two weeks, and I don’t want to go into my thirties a virgin. It’s not just about sex. It’s about being close and intimate with another person. I want that. I want to experience it. And I’d like it to be with him.”

“Clara—”

“He kissed me. He kissed me . When he did, it was like every nerve in my body woke up, and I felt alive and electric. It was raw and real, and he felt it too. I know he did. I saw and felt it in him. And now I just need to give him all the information and he can do with that what he wants. He can decide if the kiss changed anything.”

“And if it didn’t?”

Her stomach did a sad roll. “Then I’ll live with that. I’ll put space between us. I’ll try to get over this thing between him and me. And I’ll explore other options. I think I’ve really closed myself off to those other options because I’ve always hoped he’d love me.” It sounded pathetic.

Indie tilted her head. “You know I love you. But I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“It would hurt more for me to give up after that kiss.” She swallowed, catching sight of him across the yard again, a deep yearning stirring in her belly. “I’ve been on this journey the last few years to chase everything I want. And I need to give this one last chance.”

Indie sighed. “Come on. You’re going to need a drink then.”

Clara glanced at her friend as they made their way across the yard. There was something almost off about her today. “Are you okay?”

“Colt sent back the divorce papers.”

Clara stopped. “Oh my gosh. And you let me go on about my little issues?”

“They’re not little.”

She rolled her eyes. “So he signed them?”

“I don’t know. I can’t bring myself to open the envelope yet, but I assume so.”

“Why haven’t you opened it?”

Indie lifted a shoulder, a thin film of tears building in her eyes.

“I just saw his handwriting on the envelope and it did something to me. It threw me back to this time when we were together and happy, and the strain of him being away all the time and us trying to have a baby hadn’t taken a toll on us. ”

“Oh, Indie…”

“I thought I was ready for this. I did everything—engaged a lawyer, got the papers written up, signed and sent them. But I know the second I open it…”

“It becomes official,” Clara finished for her.

“Yep.” Indie’s chest rose and fell. “It’s going to hurt.”

Clara touched her friend’s arm. “I’m here if you want me by your side. Heck, I can open it for you. You don’t even have to look at the papers.”

Indie leaned her head on Clara’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Dinner’s ready, everyone,” her mother called.

Clara’s tummy rumbled so loudly that Indie laughed. “Let’s get some food into us.”

With the sun shining, they ate outside—grilled barbecue ribs, corn on the cob, potato salad, coleslaw, and green vegetables.

As she ate, her gaze kept inadvertently shifting to Holden. Sometimes he looked up and caught her gaze, and every so often she thought she caught a glimmer of something on his face. Emotion that she could have sworn matched the ones inside her.

She’d just finished eating when her phone rang. She frowned when she saw Malcolm’s name on the screen. They’d exchanged numbers at one of the runs, and he’d messaged a couple times just to check in since the bar incident, but he’d never called.

She set her plate down and moved around to the side of her mother’s house to answer the call. “Malcolm, hey. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I, um, need to ask you something. I actually asked Helen to ask, but she said the night was such a haze that she can’t remember.”

That sounded ominous. “What is it?”

“Did Helen say anything to you while you were outside? Did she mention anything about work?”

“She didn’t say much,” Clara said carefully, not sure why Malcolm sounded so nervous. “She just mentioned the woman who died.”

She wasn’t sure why she left out the other part. Maybe because it felt kind of like ratting Helen out?

There was a small pause before Malcolm spoke. “Okay. Sure.”

“Malcolm, is there anything going on at the hospital? Anything the community should be worried about?”

“No.” Malcolm’s answer came quickly. Almost too quickly. “Absolutely not. I need to go. Talk soon?”

“Yeah. Talk soon.”

She hung up. That was…strange. After the attack, she hadn’t really given a lot of thought to what Helen had told her. But if people were going to the hospital and getting worse rather than better, the public should be made aware, shouldn’t they?

“Hey.”

She jumped and spun to see Holden behind her, beer in hand. “Holden, I didn’t hear you.”

“Sorry.” His gaze shifted to her phone, then back to her. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. That was Malcolm. He just had a quick question.”

“About what?”

“It’s not important.” Or at least, she hoped it wasn’t.

He stepped closer. “Clara, is something going on?”

“With Malcolm? No, of course not.”

Holden watched her closely, as if trying to spot a lie, and she tried not to squirm. Finally, he nodded. “Okay. Come on, I’ll walk back with you.”

He stepped away, and her feet just started moving with him.

Was this it? Was this the moment to tell him?

Of course it was. She just needed to spit the words out.

He frowned down at her hands, which were wringing together. “Are you all right?”

“Actually, there’s something I want to tell you.”

“Shoot.” He sipped his beer.

“I’m a virgin.”

He choked and stopped in his tracks. “ What ?”

“I’m a virgin. And I’m turning thirty in a couple of weeks, and I don’t want to go into my thirties still being a virgin.”

His jaw was open and the expression on his face was almost comical. The man who was always so guarded and steady now looked at her with wide unblinking eyes and had a death grip on his beer.

She sucked in a breath. “You don’t need to say anything right now. I just needed to tell you. Because when you kissed me, I felt something. I felt a lot of things actually, and they all make me think the same thing—that it’s supposed to be you.”

That familiar fear crept into his eyes, so she hurried to get the last words out.

“I know you’re scared. But I would have kicked myself if I hadn’t at least told you.

I’m putting the ball in your court. If you say no, that I’m still not what you want, then that’s okay.

” It would hurt, but she’d accept it. She’d have to.

“But a part of me will always love you. And I want it to be you.”

Holden could barely stomach the huckleberry pie. Clara’s words repeated in his head, toying with him.

A virgin. Clara was a virgin.

How was that even possible? She was gorgeous and smart and the kind of person people gravitated toward. And she was almost thirty.

He looked at her. She was eating her pie while talking to Aspen and Sky as though she hadn’t just dropped the biggest bomb on his head.

“This pie is damn good,” Jesse said as he sat beside him on the log.

“Has Clara dated over the years?”

Jesse’s fork paused midway to his mouth. “Uh, not that I’m aware of. She’s never brought anyone home to meet the family, but maybe while she was in New York. Why?”

“Just wondering.” He downed half his beer.

“Uh-huh.” Jesse glanced over at his sister, then back at Holden.

“Clara’s always known what she wants. First, it was to be a corporate lawyer in New York.

She was twelve when she made that decision and she was laser focused.

It took up almost all of her time and energy.

Then she got sick, and she wanted to be home.

She wanted family and a more relaxed life.

So she put the same energy into making that happen. ”

“You have the same tenacity,” Holden mumbled. “It must be a Hayes thing.”

Jesse shook his head. “No. Clara’s better than me. Remember when she was diagnosed and everyone was freaking out, including you and me?”

Holden had only known Clara for a couple of years when she’d been diagnosed with cancer, but it hadn’t mattered. The diagnosis had felt fucking heavy. He’d called and messaged to check in as much as he could. And any time he got any leave, it was spent here, in Amber Ridge.

“Clara didn’t freak out,” Jesse continued. “She gave herself one week to grieve, then her entire focus went into beating the cancer. She didn’t let it break her. She just did what she needed to do.”

“She’s focused.”

“She is.”

“But how does that relate to her not dating anyone?”

“She fights for what she wants. So, if she hasn’t dated anyone, she either hasn’t met the person she wants yet or she’s still fighting for them.” Jesse squeezed his leg before rising. “I need more whipped cream for my pie.”

Holden frowned at Jesse as he walked away. Did he know? Holden hadn’t told him about the kiss because he hadn’t known what the hell to say. And it would have brought up questions that he didn’t have the answers to.

His gaze shifted back to Clara, but she was no longer with the women. She was holding an empty jug and walking toward the back door of the house.

Like his feet had a mind of their own, he stood and started in the same direction.

He stepped in just as Clara was moving away from the sink, full jug in hand.

“Holden, what are you—”

He slipped the jug from her fingers and led her into the walk-in pantry before closing the door with a thud. Why, exactly, he wasn’t sure. Because he’d lost his goddamn mind at the exact moment this woman had told him she was a virgin?

Clara gasped. “What the heck are you doing?”

“You can’t do that.” He was shout-whispering, but he didn’t care.

“Do what? Refill the water at my mother’s house?”

“Tell me you’re a virgin at your mother’s house.”

Pink tinged her cheeks. “I wanted you to know.”

“Not here.”

“Then where? At our Thursday or Sunday running club? You’ve barely looked at me the last few sessions.”

It was true. But even if it wasn’t, that wasn’t the right place to do it either. Nowhere felt right. “What am I supposed to do with that information?”

She tilted her head. “You know what. Decide whether you want me like I want you.”

“Before your thirtieth birthday? It sounds like an ultimatum.”

“It’s not an ultimatum.”

“Have sex with you in the next two weeks or you’ll have sex with someone else?” Fuck, even saying it out loud sounded wrong.

She squirmed where she stood. “Okay. I guess saying it like that sounds like an ultimatum. But if you’re really not interested in me, then you can give me a simple no and move on.”

He growled. “Nothing about this is simple.”

She stepped closer and lowered her voice. “Holden, look, I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I just…I wanted you to know.”

She stood so close that he could see the specks of gold in her blue eyes. Could smell that floral scent right under his nose. “Why?”

“Why did I want you to know?”

“No. Why haven’t you…slept with anyone?”

Her throat bobbed and the smallest line creased her brow. “Because I was always busy. Busy studying. Busy being a lawyer. Then busy trying to live.”

“You haven’t been busy these last few years.”

“You’re right. I haven’t.” Her voice was softer now, her gaze shifting between his eyes.

And the way she looked at him, as if she were unraveling all of the unspoken fears inside him, made his heart beat faster.

It was like she saw the weakest parts that he tried to keep hidden, but she didn’t run from them.

“We shouldn’t have kissed the other day.” The words felt wrong on his tongue.

“Says who?” A beat of silence passed before she tilted her head. “It’s okay to be scared, Holden. But do you really want that fear to dictate your life forever?”

The quiet in her voice spoke to him, like a fucking lullaby. He reached for her hip, letting the gentle curve of her body calm that storm in his chest. He stepped closer so that her front pressed to his.

Then a question whispered in his head…one that had no business being there. Would one more taste be so terrible?

Her palms smoothed over his chest, and suddenly his head was lowering. He could almost feel her lips against his…

When the pantry door swung open and Pam stood there.

Clara’s mother’s mouth opened in an ‘O’ but that was quickly replaced by a small smile. “Sorry.”

She closed the door, and he and Clara were left alone once again. But the moment was broken.

Holden stepped away. “We should get back.”

She nodded, but disappointment shone in her eyes.

He seemed to be disappointing her a lot lately. And yeah, he hated himself for it.