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LILIANA

G racias a dios . It feels odd to be thanking God after He took my heart and loves from me, but if I had to spend one more second at Carlysle Prep School, I think I would be forced to use my own gun on myself.

I don’t say that lightly, either. My world feels bleak and sad, and watching officers take Nacio away from me felt like a punch to the gut. My father and Mr. Emil had to hold me up while I broke down in the courtroom at the sentencing… and then I shut it all off afterward.

I won’t be weak or allow others to see my sadness. The Carlysle Kings that remain don’t deserve to laugh at my losses, and I damn sure don’t want to share the weight of it.

“Fucking free,” I mutter, walking down the steps on the last day of senior year. I won’t be returning for the graduation ceremony, and my father fully supports this decision.

I finished, that’s all he’s ever wanted for me. This high school diploma that will open doors no other school will allow me access to. I’m going to go to college if I have to, and then I’m returning to take my place in the family business.

It’s my legacy, and there’s no one to tether my sanity to anymore. I may as well allow my father’s depravity to eat what’s left of my soul. My sadness has quickly turned to righteous fury, and Dad has allowed me to help him with some of the executions he does for Mr. Emil.

I know Mr. Emil doesn’t like it, but I’m walking a razor sharp tightrope of grief. Is this why Rachelle used to cut herself? Did her life feel as if it was moving spirally like a top that’ll never fall?

Blowing out a breath as I walk across the parking lot, I raise my hand in acknowledgment of those saying goodbye. It’s clear to everyone that I’m not the same. Even running the newspaper as the editor fell flat for me after losing Rachelle and Nacio within hours of each other.

When the hospital pronounced her dead, the cops picked Nacio up soon after, and then things moved so quickly that my head is still spinning. My father said that court cases don’t typically move as fast as Nacio’s did. This was personal, a cover up for a botched murder.

So now, he’s rotting in prison and ignoring my letters, tearstained as they are. I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t write them at all if it didn’t feel so wrong not to. They help me feel connected to something, anything.

Fuck, everything feels upside down. I knew there was a chance of losing Rachelle with everything she was up against with the Kings. I was just hoping that we’d be able to outsmart them.

Unicorns don’t exist, and love makes you break. That’s what I learned from this experience. It sucks, and the pain is so bad that I often can’t breathe.

So I pretend, and force myself to push through when the black spots fill my vision. It’s almost become a game to see how long I can go.

See how fucked I am?

“Lili!”

The voice that’s connected to is someone I don’t want to speak to, but running to my car would be wrong. Fuck, I’ve never wanted to be a coward more than I have right now. Elijah Fletcher is the last person I want to speak to.

I bet that he stood there and laughed while Rachelle was buried under the ground in that fucking casket.

He’s a sadistic bastard that way, especially when it came to her.

Fuck, she must have been so scared, I hate that she was taken right from under my nose.

I failed her in so many ways, and it finally killed her.

“Goddamnit, Lili,” he snarls, pulling me to a stop.

“Do you really think that touching me is something that is necessary?” I ask coldly, staring straight ahead. I’m measuring the distance to safety and my car. Shit.

Why did I have to park so far away? That’s right, I was late because I didn’t fall asleep until four in the morning. Even then, it was a strangled kind of sleep where I twitched and dreamed about the people in my life that I no longer get to see.

All because of them. Malditos sean.

“It’s the only way that I’m going to be able to speak to you,” Elijah growls. “You refuse to look at any of us anymore, and no one can get you to say a word without the threat of being gutted.”

He can squawk and cluck like a chicken, it doesn’t matter to me in any way. Besides, he’s wrong. My knives are still strapped to my thighs. I’m not even thinking about pulling one of them.

See? I’m perfectly in control of the situation. Elijah is a rat bastard and a liar.

He’s also not the only scary one in this parking lot. I’ve been slowly amassing my own loyal people, and I can feel their eyes on us now. If he starts shit here, he won’t live to see the consequences. He’ll simply be one.

The Carlysle Kings aren’t the power team they used to be. Losing Ignacio hurt them, though the bet was honored by the Society. I have a feeling some really shady shit happened for the boys to throw Nacio under the bus the way they did.

People at this school deal in favors, and they’ve been promising them to me as I’ve helped them get their shit handled the last couple of years. Just because I’m grieving and heartsick, doesn’t mean that the world stops turning. I’d also be dead without something to do.

“It may still not get you the words you want, pendejo ,” I murmur to Elijah.

“Will you just turn around?” he sighs.

Swallowing hard, I feel as if he’s dropped a gauntlet down. Even if he didn’t mean it like that, there are too many eyes around us for me to be able to continue to ignore him. Fuck my life.

His hand is still on my bicep, the skin underneath it on fire. It’s not because I’m attracted to him, but because I’m so fucking repulsed by his touch. Turning painfully slow, I tilt my head up to meet his gaze.

“Does that mean you’re going to remove your shit stained fingers now?” I ask.

“You’re a real pain in the ass,” he mutters under his breath. “I’m no longer a King, Lili. I’m just me now. The torch has been passed the fuck on.”

“My girlfriend is still dead because you killed her. None of it goes away because your actions had consequences,” I spit out, my lips barely moving.

We are garnering attention I don’t want.

“Nacio is in prison because your stupid fucking secret society pulled a bunch of strings. You will always be a King, Elijah.”

“I had to do this,” he says brokenly. “My parents and their business, Lili. It’s all bad, I can’t be like them. I had to. Please believe me.”

While his words are disjointed, I can get the gist. His parents have always been shady, and they’re now on Mr. Emil’s radar as well. I have a feeling he’s working on something to help himself with his own grief.

“It’s still not right. I’m going to take over for my father one day. Fuck, I am already working for Mr. Emil, Elijah,” I sigh. “Unlike other people, I’ve always known what my life would look like. You just pushed me firmly into it a little sooner.”

“No, we were all supposed to get out,” he hisses. “Why would you do that? Your father adores you. He’d never push you to kill people.”

We’re both speaking as quietly as possible, but the tension is visible.

“What did you think was going to happen when you ripped my entire life away from me?” I ask, pulling my gun from the small of my back.

I’m tired of having his too warm hand on my skin. I’ll be scouring it with scalding water and a body brush to rid the feeling of his touch. He’s a traitor and selfish.

Pressing the cold steel to his stomach, I raise my brow. His body is hiding my movements because he’s too fucking close to me.

“Lili, you’re not going to shoot me, are you?” he breathes. “Liliana?”

“I asked several times for you to remove your filthy, murdering hand from my arm,” I whisper. “Apparently words don’t have any meaning to you.”

His hand drops like a stone as he nods, and I return my gun to its home. Turning, I smooth my shirt over the top of my skirt to hide it, my foot sliding forward to walk away.

“It felt wrong the moment she was covered up by the dirt,” he confesses brokenly. “It was all we could do to keep from immediately trying to get her out.”

I don’t want to know, do I? My eyes fill with tears without falling, and I gaze unseeingly at the asphalt in front of me.

“I’m not saying it was right?—”

Taking a deep breath, I lose my fight with being the bigger person. Whirling around, my fist is already flying at his stupid, lying face before I’m able to register doing it, only to be caught by another equally stupid boy.

“That’s enough,” Jared grunts, squeezing my fist tightly. I hide the wince because it hurts, but lose the battle with my tears.

I hope their dicks rot off . A few tears trail down my cheeks, and Jared stares at them for seconds too long.

“This is over,” he whispers. “Go home. Our time at this school is done, and our chapter within it is closed.”

“May the chapter where we exist in each other’s spaces also close,” I mutter. “I’m done. I have to go home to pack.”

“Want to tell us what school you’re planning to go to?” Jared asks.

Huh. I thought that Theo would have been all over that.

“Nope. Maybe I won’t go to college,” I say, glaring at Elijah when he opens his mouth. That’s a lie, it’s all I seem to be able to do with them.

The flow of information only moves if they feel comfortable sharing. I guess I’ll be damn sure to make it really uncomfortable for them.

“Whatever you want, Lili,” Jared says. “Don’t forget to actually live your life.”

As he releases my fist, I sigh. I’m so mixed up and turned around. What will I even do at Princeton anyway? It’s a school that was on my bucket list, one that I was excited for until Rachelle left the world.

I was even trying to get her to apply there so we could go together. Her grades were good enough for it, even with the fuck up on her transcript because of the boys.

They have always been trying to ruin her life. Until they finally took it.