Page 33

Hannah

I pull into the familiar parking garage, my heart kicking up a few notches at the idea of being here.

It’s not just because of what happened when I was last here, but more because of what I’m about to do.

It’s certainly not something I thought I would ever be doing, but seeing Leo asleep on my couch, waking up next to him in my bed this morning, made me realize, he’s worth the risk.

Parking the car, my head falls back against the headrest, letting out a slow breath, attempting to convince myself I’m doing the right thing. In all honesty I could be making things so much worse. I have no idea, but I have to try.

I take the elevator out of the garage, stepping out onto the street where I’m hit with the busyness that comes from a city as large as San Francisco.

I’d like to say I miss the hustle and bustle, but I don’t.

I love the quiet stillness of the Somerville vineyards and my house that is basically in the middle of nowhere.

A horn blows and a cab whips by sending a blast of air blowing back into my face.

I stand there on the sidewalk, taking a few small steps but returning to the place I started.

I’m nervous, but more than that, I’m embarrassed.

I don’t want to go in there looking like I’m coming to ask for forgiveness or that I’m cowering with my tail between my legs.

There has never been a time where I would say that quitting The Yellow Door was wrong.

Do I wish I would have done it differently?

Maybe, but even that I’m not certain about.

I’ve gone back and forth a million times over this whole thing and the only thing I’m certain about still is that I love Leo.

I’m here because of him. I’m here because I need to clear the air and figure out if there’s a way to resolve this animosity between Leo’s dad and me.

I think if it’s going to be hard for anyone, it’s going to be me more than him.

He treated me like garbage and in the end, when I quit, he needed to hear that he was awful to work for.

Maybe no one has ever stood up to him the way I did.

I certainly didn’t give it a chance to play out there in Leo’s kitchen when I was supposed to be meeting his parents for the first time.

Seeing his father’s face staring at me, the recognition hitting me almost immediately and his complete lack of response basically saying everything I needed it to.

Neither of us thought we’d see each other again, so there was no plan to talk it through when we did.

I finally make my way down the sidewalk, stopping in front of the noticeable yellow door, a signature of the restaurant and its namesake. It’s still early, but I know Roy will be inside, quietly sitting behind his desk, waiting for his employees to arrive so he can be the tyrant that he is.

I take the alleyway to the backdoor, the employee entrance, and I press the buzzer, waiting for someone to answer. A second later, Roy’s voice comes through the speaker.

“Can I help you?” he asks, tersely. He can see me on the camera that is connected to the buzzer.

He knows who it is, and it feels really fucking manipulative.

Or maybe it’s me going into this with a preconceived idea of who Roy Langston is.

I need to get myself under control or this will begin as one big argument and that’s not what I’m here for.

“Hi Roy. I was wondering if I could speak to you?” I say, and then there’s silence. No response from him, no click of the door to let me in.

Great. He’s just going to fucking ignore me. Seems about right for how everything has gone up until this point.

I close my eyes and let out a long, slow breath, willing myself to have the patience to push that buzzer again and basically beg Roy to let me in. I’m doing this for Leo.

Seconds later, the door opens, and Roy is standing there, looking right at me. He steps back, holding the door open for me as an invitation to enter.

“Hannah,” he says as I walk through the door.

“At least you got my name right,” I bite back, hating that I can’t seem to control my anger when I’m in this man’s presence.

“You could have corrected me,” he replies back, his tone icy, his anger slipping through.

“I did, but it never seemed to matter.”

“Did you come here to argue with me?” he asks, walking toward his office, never looking back at me.

“No, but I’m still mad, and rightfully so.” It’s hard to control the anger I have toward him, and I had no idea that seeing him alone in this place would bring back all the awful memories I have of this job and of working for him.

“You’re mad? Imagine my surprise when I meet my son’s girlfriend and she’s the one who left me high and dry,” Roy says, practically slapping me in the face with his words.

“Maybe if you had known my name was Hannah and not Anna you would have put two and two together, but you were—” I cut myself off, not needing this to turn into an argument, even if it already has. I can see that we’re getting nowhere with this route.

I swallow hard, letting the tension-filled silence float around us for a few seconds, waiting to see if he has anything to say before I attempt this again.

But neither of us speaks, we’re at a standstill, which feels a little ridiculous since he is older than me.

I guess the older, the wiser, isn’t always true.

You’d think if his relationship with his son meant anything to him, he’d at least be attempting to smooth things over with me. But it’s me who showed up here, bound and determined to make this right.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to start over,” I now say, taking in another soothing breath. “I’m here because I love Leo and he is important to me. I can’t see us moving forward knowing that his father and I are not on speaking terms.”

“I’m glad you’re here to apologize,” Roy replies, a bit of smugness in his tone. I bite down hard on my cheek to keep myself from lashing back.

“I didn’t say I was here to apologize. I won’t apologize for what happened when I quit. I firmly stand by my choice and my choice of words.”

Roy scoffs, shaking his head as he runs a hand through his hair. “My children don’t speak to me like that, what makes you think I will accept it from my son’s girlfriend?”

“I would also guess you don’t speak to your children the way you speak to your employees, because if you did, you wouldn’t have a relationship with them.”

My words must have struck a chord because he doesn’t come back at me with some snide comment.

My hands are shaking, and I swear to god, I’m going to need to throw this shirt out when I’m done here.

My pits are sweating like there’s a faucet under my arms. But I won’t back down from this.

I want him to understand that while I love Leo, I won’t tolerate being looked down upon, which is exactly what is happening right now.

“There are enough volatile chefs in this business, enough men like you who think that ruling with an iron fist is the way to get your employees to work harder. The rules have changed in the last few years and people’s tolerance for being treated like shit is gone.”

I pause, hoping I’m getting through to him. He wouldn’t have hired me if he didn’t think I had the talent, so I know underneath all this harshness, there is someone who understands what it means to be a good chef.

“This isn’t a TV show, Roy. You aren’t here to bring in ratings and make a name for yourself as the asshole chef. That role is taken. Your restaurant is world famous, but the rumors that follow you are outshining your talent.”

Again, there’s silence and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m getting through to him.

Is he taking any of this in or is he hell bent on ignoring me and letting it all go in one ear and out the other?

I don’t want to keep talking. I’m looking for an open discussion so that we can clear the air.

Then when one day, when we meet up for Christmas dinner or whatever, there isn’t a tension blanketing the room.

I would never expect Leo to choose me or his family. I want us to grow together.

“Why do you think Leo doesn’t work for me?” Roy now asks, his question catching me off guard. My eyebrows go up in response. Does he really think this needs an answer?

“I would guess because you’re a bit of a tyrant and Leo is anything but,” I reply, hoping it doesn’t sound too harsh, but in a way hoping it does. It’s starting to feel like Roy Langston needs someone to say it to his face.

Roy laughs, a soft chuckle falling from his lips, and I’m almost knocked on my ass by the sound of it. I’ve never heard it before. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him smile.

“He didn’t say that in so many words, and when he told me he wanted to be a chef, I wasn’t sure I wanted him to work for me either.”

“I’m guessing he was a little nicer about it because that’s Leo’s nature,” I say, thinking about his selflessness and his kindness. It’s what drew me to him from the start.

“He was, but what you and Leo don’t understand is that back when I started in this business, you had to be cutthroat to survive, especially when it comes to the restaurant business.

” He’s defending himself and I understand that.

He has built this massive career and wide success using this method, why would he change now?

I’m not asking him to change. I’m asking for him to allow us to move beyond our past and create a future that doesn’t involve what happened between us. I can only hope he isn’t so set in his ways that he continues to hold it against me.

“I do understand, but you also need to understand that there are some people who don’t thrive in that environment.

Some people even begin to break down when treated like that.

In case you’re wondering, some people is me.

” I shrug, hoping some humor helps move this along.

“I’m a damn good chef, but when I left here, I felt like shit.

Not only about myself but about my ability in the kitchen.

That’s something I never thought I would ever second-guess. ”

“You are talented, Hannah,” he admits, and my mouth falls open.

“Then why did you drive me away?”

“I don’t know. That was the way I was trained, and I don’t know any different. It has worked for me for the last thirty years. It has helped me grow several successful restaurants.”

“You can’t tell me that I’m the first person to quit and tell you that your methods, well, suck?” He doesn’t reply, chewing on his lip as he mulls over what I’ve said.

“I don’t remember anyone quitting like you did,” he finally replies, making me laugh.

“Of course no one quit like me,” I joke, remembering my epic rant.

It feels like the tension between us is easing, and there have been no apologies passed around, which I’m happy about.

I don’t think either of us are wrong in our methods and my intent when I showed up here wasn’t to make him apologize.

It was to move beyond what happened and recognize that we can have a relationship that doesn’t include our past.

“I’m not the same guy who runs this kitchen as I am with my family,” Roy quietly adds. “I love my children and my wife, and I like the separation of my job and my personal life.”

I’m not sure where he’s going with this, but I hope it’s heading in the direction that I’m no longer included in his work life. That I’ll now be part of his personal life and that he understands how important Leo is to me.

“Don’t we all. Most people can’t make the two work, but Leo and I have found the perfect balance. I honestly love working with him and coming home and having him be there too.” I pause, hesitant to share my feelings. “I love Leo and I don’t want to lose him over this.”

I can’t hold it in any longer. It’s why I came here. I came here to save my relationship with Leo, and I came here to make sure his father sees that that’s what is important to me.

“And Leo needs you, Hannah. I’ve never seen him so happy,” Roy says, catching me off guard. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you and this,” he motions between us, “hit him hard. I’ve always wanted what is best for my kids and you’re what is best for Leo.”

He reaches out a hand toward me, extending a truce and I take it. Shaking his hand, we both smile at each other.

“Thank you for hearing me out,” I say, grateful that we were able to overcome this. I may have been nervous and worried for no reason, but at the time, it felt like a huge issue. It felt like my life was on hold and that all the happiness I found was nearly lost.

“Thank you for making me see that my children’s happiness needs to be bigger than my ego.” Roy’s smile is huge now, and I catch a glimpse of Leo in his face. If this man raised Leo, then there has to be some good in him too.

“We good?”

“We’re good, Hannah. Now please go home and tell Leo things are good. I can’t take another phone call with him crying about missing you,”

“Wait, he’s been crying?”

“Maybe I wasn’t supposed to tell you that,” Roy replies, sheepishly, shrugging and making us laugh.

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”