Page 4

Story: This Violent Light

“No,” I say. I signal the waitress for another shot. It will be my third, and I know better than to drink this hard this fast. Still, it’s clear Tessa won’t be matching my freak tonight. She’ll probably want to leave in twenty minutes, and I’d at least like to feel drunk before that happens.

“You here for a job opportunity?” she asks. She sounds skeptical at this one, as if the thought of me getting a job offer is ludicrous. To be fair, she’s not exactly wrong.

I’ve got an unfinished business degree and zero relevant work experience. I was partway through my junior year of college when Mom’s health tanked, and my temporary leave from college turned into a permanent one.

“I’m looking for someone,” I say. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t tell people what I was doing here. I knew it would draw pitiful looks.

What kind of grown woman goes looking for a father who clearly abandoned her?

I’ve had that thought often.

“My dad,” I say. I’ll blame the alcohol for my loose lips, but honestly, I’ve never been great with keeping secrets. “Or my sperm donor, as my friend Libby calls him. ”

Tessa doesn’t say anything. She looks like she wishes she’d never asked. Her eyes hone in on her half-empty beer (still her first one), and she traces the condensation with her finger.

Jesus, Grace. Way to kill a mood .

Not that we’d been having a spectacular time before that confession. Still, if I had any hope of Friday bar nights with Tessa becoming a habit, I think I just squashed it.

“Well, I hope you find him,” she says. She keeps her eyes on her beer. “He sounds like an asshole though.”

I let out a surprised laugh that turns into a snort. For the first time, Tessa gives me a genuine smile. She echoes my laughter and takes a generous chug of beer.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I check my phone notifications, and Tessa leans back in her chair, surveying the crowd. Once I’ve replied to Libby’s sixteen texts, I place my phone back on the table.

“Okay, so what about you?” I ask. “What’s your?—”

“You still haven’t noticed,” Tessa interrupts. She’s smiling at me, but it’s a reduced version, lips just barely tilted.

“Noticed?” I repeat.

“That guy has been staring you down since he walked in,” she says. Her eyes spark with amusement. “The second you look at him, he’s going to come over and offer to buy you a drink.”

“I doubt that…”

I follow Tessa’s gaze across the room, where a man occupies a booth. He is ridiculously attractive. Dark blond hair, hard jawline, a small scar on the side of his forehead. He looks dangerous and delicious, and far more likely to choose someone like Tessa over me.

She’s not lying though. His eyes, a deep shade of green, are focused intently on me. I squeeze my legs together and snap my gaze back to Tessa.

“Oh my god, he’s beautiful,” I hiss.

“Beautiful?” she repeats, arching an eyebrow. Her attention flickers from me to him. “He is good looking, but I don’t know. Something seems…weird about him.”

“What? That he’s looking at me instead of you?” I snap. I immediately feel like a jerk, and a hot flush flares over my cheeks. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

“Relax,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not interested in your creeper.

I’m just saying…Think about it, Grace. He’s alone at a bar, just sitting there.

He doesn’t even have a drink. And he’s too handsome.

Like, suspiciously handsome. Why hasn’t anyone else approached him, huh? Because, Grace. Bad, bad vibes.”

I’m nodding along to Tessa’s crazy words, all the while wishing he’d come do bad, bad things to me. The man holds my gaze, and the tip of his mouth tilts into a dangerous smirk.

“Just, if you’re determined to fuck him, do it at our place,” she continues. “I feel like if you go with him, I’ll never see you again.”

“I knew you liked me,” I say, grinning at her.

“I like your rent,” she corrects quickly. She casts another sideways glance across the room. “Called it.”

The mystery man is no longer in his booth. He’s partway to us, eyes locked confidently on me. An eruption of pleasure dances through my stomach. I don’t think a man’s ever looked at me like he is now. Like he doesn’t just want to sleep with me…like he wants to devour me whole.

“Act natural,” I hiss at Tessa. I snatch my empty shot glass from the table and twist it between my fingers. I stare at it, rather than the man, as if it’s the most fascinating thing in this room.

“I’m not the one being weird,” Tessa says. She grabs the shot glass from my hand and returns it to the table. “Chill the fuck out, Grace. He obviously wants you.”

I breathe a heavy sigh through my lips, centering myself. She’s right. He’s coming toward our table like a man on a mission, and from the looks of it, I’m that mission.

I’m not some inexperienced virgin. I had a few boyfriends in high school and a lot of hookups in college. I also know I’m relatively attractive. I’ve never had a hard time getting a guy into bed, and from the way this man is staring, he wouldn’t protest one bit.

And yet…I’m a fidgeting mess by the time he reaches our table. He’s that good-looking, and by his easy confidence and arrogant stance, he clearly knows it. He smirks at me, green eyes dancing.

I glance at Tessa, but rather than melting into a puddle like I currently am, she lifts an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Hello, beautiful,” the man says. He has a strange accent that makes his words even more intoxicating. That, mixed with his intense gaze, makes me forget how to speak. I gape at him, mouth parted.

“I’m Tessa,” my roommate says.

When the man doesn’t respond, and I only stare, Tessa kicks me under the table.

“Grace,” I finally blurt. “My name is Grace.”

“Beautiful,” he repeats. His smile is slow, but it changes his entire face. “I’m Sebastian.”

I swallow. I’ve always been a big talker. Mom said it was the curse of her side of the family. We love to talk, and we never know when to stop. I really wish I could channel some of that energy now .

Instead, I’m just staring at him, mouth slightly agape. I must look ridiculous , but Sebastian only smiles at me. I’ve never met someone named Sebastian. It’s old-timey and should be dorky, but on him, it’s anything but.

Right now, I know with absolute certainty, or at least ninety-eight percent, that this man is my soulmate.

“Care to dance?” he asks. His voice is deep and gravelly, and that accent…it should be illegal for the ways it’s messing with my head.

“Um,” I glance at Tessa. She’s back to sipping her beer, but she’s clearly hiding a smile. “Yes. Yes, I would love to dance.”

Sebastian extends his hand toward me. His fingers are long and pale, but strong too, like they’re accustomed to work. If I’m lucky, I’ll know exactly how strong and capable they are by the end of the night.

I place my hand in his, briefly shocked by the cool touch of his skin.

I shoot a parting smile to Tessa and slide off my stool.

When I look back at Sebastian, I’m expecting that same, flirty smirk.

Instead, his face is scrunched, displeased, as if he’s just noticed something about me that he hadn’t before.

My nose, I decide. He must have noticed my nose is weird, a little too long for my face.

I swallow and try to shake off my insecurity. It doesn’t matter. It’s taken root now, even as Sebastian’s disgusted expression melts back into the smooth one from before. I can tell he’s faking it now. If I look hard enough, I can spot the grimace lurking behind his handsome smirk.

I’m so distracted, I don’t realize my heel is caught on my chair until I’m reeling forward. My hand slips from Sebastian’s and I pitch straight into his chest. I instinctively reach for him, only for him to lurch out of the way, as if my touch is poisonous.

I fall to the sticky floor, knees striking hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. I remain on my hands and knees for a strained moment. A scorching blush stains my cheeks, until all I can feel is that unpleasant heat.

I force myself to look up, and Sebastian is still a foot away. He looks as surprised as I feel, and yet, he doesn’t move to help me. It’s as if I’ve transformed into a vile rat.

Maybe you are , I decide. Maybe he’s realized you’re ugly up close and ? —

“Move, asshole,” Tessa says. She shoves Sebastian out of the way, shooting him a scathing glare. Her expression remains hard, irritated, as she peels me off the floor.

“Grace, are you?—”

“Uh-uh,” Tessa interrupts. She steps sideways, as if to block me from his view. She’s too short though, maybe five-two where I’m five-nine. “Nothing from you, Sebastian .”

She says his name like it’s a foul curse.

“I’m fine, Tessa,” I say. Still, I can’t keep the heat from lingering on my cheeks. “I just tripped. It’s really okay. It’s not like he tripped me.”

“No, he just let you fall on your face,” she says. Her nose scrunches, and she casts another glare his way.

“That’s a bit dramatic,” Sebastian says. He steps closer, towering over Tessa. He’s only a few inches taller than I am, maybe five-eleven. And yet, he holds himself as if he’s a giant, as if he could destroy both of us with his bare fists. “She said she’s all right.”

He extends his hand toward me again, and I start to reach for it, only for Tessa to slap his wrist.

“She’s not interested,” she says.

My mouth gapes in shock, but I’m too stunned to say anything.

Libby would never chase off a hot guy. She’d know my pride isn’t all that important to me.

Who cares if Sebastian dropped me on my face?

He’s hot. He probably didn’t mean to lurch away from me like I was a nasty insect.

And if there’s a chance he still wants me…

“Grace,” he starts. His deep green eyes search mine. “Just give me one dance, and I’ll?—”

“She’s not interested in assholes,” Tessa repeats, firmer this time. “Go find another girl to fumble.”

With that, Tessa tightens her grip on me. She leads the way out of the bar and onto the moonlit street, where she orders a car. I do my best to stay steady on my feet. The three shots have caught up to me, all at once, and I realize I never even got my fourth.

“Sorry,” she says after a long pause. “I didn’t mean to cockblock you or anything. I just…you deserve better than that.”

I’m not sure I do, but I don’t say that. Instead, I link my elbow through hers and force a smile.

“I knew you liked me.”

“Maybe a little.”

When our car arrives, I risk a glance over my shoulder. I’m not surprised to spot Sebastian still in the bar, but I am surprised to find his eyes on me. He stands near the window, frowning as I get into the car.

Tessa was right to pull me away, and yet, I feel an inexplicable urge to return.