Page 29

YOU KISSED ME FIRST

GRACE

I am back in the auditorium, practicing magic with Cora. It’s the same exercise: keep a vampire on his knees for as long as possible. Only this time, it’s not Sebastian knelt before me. It’s Theo. He’s the youngest vampire in Sebastian’s inner circle, and I’m surprised I can feel the difference.

In my mind, a vampire is a vampire is a vampire.

With Theo knelt before me, I realize that’s not the case. It makes sense, then, why I was able to hold two of my attackers down in that hallway. Sebastian is extraordinarily difficult to contain. Other vampires? Not so much.

“All right,” Theo moans. He’s trembling, face clenched with pain. He’s managed to get one foot beneath him, but the other knee remains on the floor.

It’s oddly satisfying, watching him struggle. I’ve spent too much time in this manor, I decide. Too much time around death and pain and grotesque rules. It’s moments like this where I wonder if I realistically could return to the human world. I don’t know what I’d do in Aberlena .

After this long fearing for my life, the thought of getting an internship at a newspaper seems ridiculous.

I might be too damaged, too broken to return now.

“C’mon,” he groans.

I don’t let up. It’s not my rule. It’s Cora’s. I’m waiting for her to call it. Until she does, I keep Theo in place, smirking when his escaped knee smashes back to the hardwood. He glares at me, eyes thick with hatred.

“Stupid, fucking, foul witch,” he says. He’s still vibrating, and a flicker of guilt punctures my chest.

I’m not just keeping him on his knees. I think I’m hurting him.

For the first time since we started, I glance at Cora. She’s at her usual place beside the wall, leaned back, arms loose, eyes watchful. It’s only a momentary distraction, but that’s all it takes.

By the time I look back at Theo, he’s already on his feet. He lunges, hands clenching my shoulders. He hits me hard enough that we both fly backwards, him landing on top of me. His mouth splits into a grin, and a set of fangs pierce through his gums.

I blink, sure I’ve imagined it.

He forces my hands above my head, but there’s no time to feel fear. Just as his lips touch my throat, his weight disappears. I watch as he’s ripped away, up into the air, landing in a heap at Cora’s side. I prop onto my elbows, eyes wide.

“Can’t give them that in,” she says.

“That had to be a record,” is my response. “What was it, six minutes?”

“More like four,” she says with a scoff. “Doesn’t matter if you get yourself killed at the end.”

“I imagine we can break your stupid curse without me needing to fight a vampire army,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Isn’t this just to ‘awaken my magic’ or whatever? I feel like this is proof we’ve done it.”

Theo groans, moving to his haunches. He glances at me before glaring at Cora.

“Hells, woman,” he says. “Was that necessary?”

“You should be thanking me,” Cora says, not looking at him. “If you drew blood, Sebastian would have slaughtered you as fast as he did the others.”

Theo opens his mouth, as if to argue, only to clench his jaw. He shifts his irritable gaze on me.

“I’m not the one who threw you,” I point out.

He snarls. Honest-to-god snarls.

“You’re making good progress,” Cora says. She strides away from the wall, not stopping until she’s reached me. She holds a hand down, and I take it, barely able to keep the surprise from my face.

“Is it enough?” I ask once I’m to my feet.

“I don’t know,” she says. “But we will soon.”

Footsteps sound on the opposite side of the room, and we all turn to look at the doorway. Theo is back on his feet now, brushing off his clothes, as Sebastian enters. The vampire king isn’t looking at him though. He’s looking at me , an intensity so visceral, I swear it feels like he’s touching me.

“What will we know?” he asks.

“If Grace’s magic is strong enough,” Cora says. “Milas found the last of my ingredients, and Grace here held Theo down for six minutes.”

I glare at her. I knew it was six minutes.

Sebastian is still looking at me, but I’m doing everything to avoid meeting his eyes. It’s been two days since I kicked him out of my cell. Two days since he listened without complaint. It was more than I expected, especially after I kneed him in the balls .

A flicker of guilt, so much worse than what I’d felt toward Theo moments ago, settles beneath my ribs. Logically, I know Sebastian has done far worse to me. He’s kidnapped me, imprisoned me, fed me to a fucking spider-creature. He’s ruined my life. He deserves far more than a kick to the nuts.

And still…

“I’ll call a meeting,” Sebastian says.

Now my stomach dips. A meeting? As in, a meeting to end this, once and for all?

Sebastian promised to let me go after this, but that was before I rejected him. Not to mention he lies almost constantly. If we try to break this curse, there’s a good chance I don’t walk away from it.

“I need more time,” I blurt. “I’m not…I can tell I’m not strong enough. It’s not going to work?—”

Sebastian raises his hand, silencing me. I squirm where I stand, locking my gaze in the middle of his forehead. I can’t meet his eyes, but I don’t want him to think I’m cowering.

“Theo. Cora. You’re dismissed,” he says. He tilts his head, stepping toward me. “I’ll return Grace to her quarters.”

Sebastian waits until we’re alone before speaking again.

“Do you want to practice?” he asks. He crosses the room, centering himself before me.

Without meaning to, I’ve lowered my eyes to his shoes. They’re black and shiny, and I can make out my muted reflection in them. My blonde hair looks wild, and though I can’t see my face, I’m sure it’s red and sweaty and disgusting.

“Grace,” he says. He doesn’t come closer. His fingers twitch at his sides before balling into fists. “If you’re still upset with me?—”

“I’m the one who kicked you ,” I choke out. I’m talking to his shoes, and I realize how pathetic I must look. I swallow hard, forcing myself to look up.

He looks good today, and I hate that I notice. His light hair is tousled, his face cleanly shaven. I realize I don’t know if hair grows on vampires. Oskar has a beard, but maybe he’s always had it.

“I wasn’t going to force you,” he says softly. His Adam’s apple bobs, and he ducks his head until his eyes are unavoidable. Deep green, framed by dark lashes. “Believe what you must, but that is the truth. I thought…”

He trails off then, finally breaking eye contact. He’s not blushing. Another thing I’m not sure vampires can do. And yet, I feel like he’s embarrassed all the same.

“You thought what?” I demand. Because I’m insecure, maybe, or cruel.

“I thought you wanted me to,” he says through gritted teeth. His eyes meet mine again, almost defiantly. “You kissed me first.”

“I know,” I say. My voice breaks and I scramble for some sort of explanation. There isn’t one though. I’d kissed him because he’d saved my life, because he looked at me like he cared. I kissed him because I wanted to, and though I’d barely admitted it to myself, I still wanted to.

“We don’t need to discuss it again,” he says. His voice comes down hard, like the period at the end of a sentence. “I am not going to harm you, not like that. So. Do you want to practice?”

“No,” I say shakily. “Can you take me to my cell?”

He watches me for a moment before nodding, jaw tight again. We walk in silence, and he leaves me in my room without another word.

Sebastian and his inner circle surround the stone table in the courtyard once more.

Like last time, I sit to his left, ignoring the six pairs of watchful eyes.

Oskar likes me, I think, but he’s the only one.

Beatrice scowls whenever I look at her, and Theo visibly flinches, like he’s worried I’ll hold him captive again.

The other three are ambivalent, shooting me occasional glances, but mostly studying the artifacts on the table.

I’m doing my best not to look at said artifacts.

There’s a bushel of grain, tied with thick twine.

An abnormally large feather. A clear vase, filled with a cloudy liquid.

A small pile of miscellaneous teeth, yellowed but not decayed. Those are all fine.

It’s the rest that make my stomach turn.

I was never great with biology, but I’m pretty sure there’s a liver and an oversized heart near the opposite end of the table. Even those are better than the dead rat and a human ear. It’s covered in soft hair, like maybe it’s the ear of a caveman.

One can hope. It feels better, for some reason, that the ear is centuries old and not fresh like the organs are. Those still have blood collecting beneath them, like they were harvested this morning.

“Sorry I’m late,” Cora calls, stealing my attention from Milas’s macabre collection. He keeps looking between the items and his handwritten list, as if only now verifying he has everything he needs.

“This stuff stinks,” Beatrice says. She flicks the human ear, and it rolls into the misshapen teeth. I’ve decided they’re from multiple animals. Some sharp and long, others short and blunt.

“Careful,” Milas chastises. He delicately returns the ear to its original spot. “You have no idea how hard that was to get.”

“I’d be happy to get you another one,” Beatrice says, flashing him a broad smile.

“I’m sure you would,” he says. He rolls the sleeve of his dark button-up, revealing a nasty scar. It’s coated in yellow-green pus and goes from wrist to elbow.

“Hells,” Oskar mutters.

“Maybe that ’ s what stinks.” Beatrice leans away.

“You should have mentioned,” Cora says. She rolls her eyes as she takes the seat on my other side. “I would have brought an ointment. You’re going to die if you let that fester.”

I’m looking between the ear and Sebastian’s inner circle, trying but failing to understand. Just when I decide it doesn’t matter, Oskar speaks from the opposite head of the table.

“It’s werewolf,” he says, nodding toward the detached ear. “Taken mid-transition.”