Page 38

MYRA

Simon scoots in closer at my side, his hand smoothing back my hair. “This was a terrible fucking idea.”

I manage a smile even though I’m exhausted. “Is it as bad as Christian told you it would be?”

“No.” Simon picks up my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. “It’s worse.”

I’ve been laying in the hospital for over twelve hours. Unfortunately, Simon’s son seems really happy where he is, and time is running out for the little stinker to make an appearance on his own terms.

My husband’s free hand slides down to splay across my giant belly. “Do you feel like anything’s changed?”

I really wish I did, but I don’t think it has. “I guess we’ll find out when they come in to check me again.”

As if my words manifested the nurse, she breezes in, looking fresh and focused and comfortable.

And I hate her a little for it.

“How’s it going?” She snaps a set of gloves free from the station beside the sink and pulls them on.

“Fine?” That’s about the best I can offer her. It’s a stretch, but if Simon finds out how I’m really feeling, he’ll probably lose his entire mind.

And most of it is already gone at this point.

“Let’s check things out and see what we’re looking at.” She comes to stand beside me and I automatically bend one leg out to the side the same way I’ve had to do every other time they’ve come in to check my uncooperative cervix.

I can tell by the look on her face it’s not good news.

Stepping away to toss her used gloves in the trash, she tells me what I already know. “You’re not progressing like we would hope.” She offers me a sympathetic smile. “You should probably start preparing yourself for the possibility of a cesarean.”

I nod because I’ve seen the writing on the wall for the past three hours. I’ve never had a baby before, but based on the stories I’ve heard Felicity and Lydia and Josie tell, what I’ve been feeling—and not feeling—didn’t seem… Right.

“When?” Simon’s one word question is hoarse.

“That will be up to her doctor, but if the decision is made to go ahead, things can usually move pretty quickly as long as we have an OR available.” She reaches out to pat me on the shoulder. “I had C-sections with all of my kids. I know it seems scary, but I promise it will be so worth it.”

I nod, a little confused because my body still isn’t reacting the way I would expect. Surgery should be terrifying—and it is. I just don’t feel like it’s terrifying. There’s no panic in my gut. No twist of nerves or fear. I feel mostly... Indifferent.

And very freaking hungry. And also very freaking tired.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to go check in with your doctor and let her know what’s going on.” The nurse gives me another pat on the shoulder before leaving us alone.

I turn to Simon and almost laugh at how miserable he looks. I know I’m the one going through all of this, but he definitely seems to be suffering equally. Maybe not in a painful sort of way, but the man is clearly riding the struggle bus.

“It’s okay.” I try to offer a reassuring smile. “This way I won’t have to go through all the pushing and I’ll get a cool scar.”

Simon’s eyes widen in horror and I know I’ve made a mistake.

“They’re going to cut you open.” The hand on my belly slides down, cupping the spot just above where my pubic bone might be. It’s hard to tell where anything is at right now. Half my parts disappeared and I’m pretty sure the rest are shoved up into my chest cavity.

I’ve still loved being pregnant. Enjoyed every second of every minute of our baby growing inside me. But I’m ready to be unpregnant. Ten minutes ago. And if a C-section is how I have to accomplish that, I’m surprisingly okay with it.

In a few short minutes, my doctor comes bustling in with my nurse on her heels.

Again, I repeat the checking my cervix process, staring at the ceiling while yet another person shoves what feels like their entire forearm up my vaginal canal to see if there’s now enough space for a human to crawl out.

There’s not.

“I think we’re going to have to serve this little guy an eviction notice.

” My doctor is a super sweet woman who tells the worst dad jokes and wears the most hilarious earrings I’ve ever seen.

Today she’s got a pair of miniature roast chickens dangling from her lobes.

I love her. I trust her. I know if anyone is going to make this a pleasant experience, it’s going to be her.

“It looks like they have space for us now, so let’s get this ball rolling.” She pats me on the thigh. “Then you can have something to eat and sleep on your belly.” She tips her head. “As soon as your incision heals.”

“Okay.” I pull in a deep breath, blowing it back out. “I’m ready.”

My doctor turns to Simon. “What about you, dad? Are you ready?”

Simon gives her a stiff nod. “Ready.”

My doctor gives him an odd look before offering me another smile and explaining they’ll be back to collect me shortly.

She leans into my nurse’s ear as they leave the room, and for the first time I feel a little bite of nervousness.

Is something wrong and I just don’t realize it? They would tell me, right?

I don’t have long to worry about it. As promised I’m soon retrieved and wheeled out.

Everything is a blur from that point on.

My head is spinning a little bit from a disorienting concoction of adrenaline, excitement, and fear.

Even though I’m ready, it’s impossible not to be a little worried when you’re about to be strapped to a table with your head partitioned off while they pull your intestines out.

Probably shouldn’t have done as much research into this process.

When I’m all situated, once again staring up at the ceiling, all my hair tucked into a blue stretchy cap, one of the nurses leads Simon in.

He’s wearing a set of blue scrub looking pants and shirt.

His dark wavy hair is tucked under the same kind of hat on my head, and a set of covers hide his boots.

This is probably a strange time to notice how absolutely sexy my husband is, but I can’t imagine anyone else filling out that awful outfit as well as he does.

The nurse brings him right to my side, moving him quickly into place. She shoves a stool behind him. “Sit down right here, dad.”

Simon lowers into place, his movements stiff and slow.

Since I can’t move anything besides my face and head, I pinch my brows together. “Are you okay?”

He shakes his head at me, reaching out to stroke down my cheek. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

He doesn’t look fine. He looks awful, actually. A little like?—

My doctor calls out the time, announcing the start of the surgery. For a few seconds, I don’t feel anything, but then there’s an odd tugging sensation. It doesn’t hurt, it’s just bizarre.

I wrinkle my nose. “That’s really weir?—

A sudden movement has me turning toward my husband, getting my eyes on him just in time to watch Simon’s roll back in his head.

I can’t do anything to help him so I’m forced to watch, helpless, as his big body starts to tip backward.

“No you don’t.” My nurse steps right behind him, shoving him upright.

“Called it.” My doctor’s voice is followed by a laugh. “You can always spot the ones who’ll pass out.” She peeks at me over the partition. “It’s usually the hot ones.”

“Is he okay?” I’m so distracted by what’s happening with Simon, I don’t pay much attention to the continued tugging happening behind the curtain.

“He’s fine.” The nurse waves something under his nose and Simon makes the most awful face. “Just a little overwhelmed.”

Simon blinks hard a few times, his dilated pupils finally finding me. “What happened?”

“You passed out, handsome.” My doctor pipes up. “And Nurse Melanie owes me five bucks.”

I fight a laugh, figuring it’s probably not a great idea to jostle around my middle while they’re extracting a baby from it.

“Hey there, cutie pie.” My doctor’s tone is sweet. “You might be stubborn, but you’re also adorable.”

A tiny, screaming body is held up for me to see then whisked away.

“We’ll get him to you in just a sec, mom and dad.” My doctor is still in place, finishing up, but I’ve already forgotten she exists.

Because I’m a mom.

I’ve wanted it for so long. Tried to bargain my way into it.

And ended up accidentally falling in love with the best man in the whole world.

Even if he’s a little passy-outie.

A new nurse—my original one is still positioned behind Simon—carries our son over, resting him close to my face so I can sort of cuddle him with my chin. She pulls up a stool and sits beside me, showing me all the parts of him she can considering he’s tucked tightly into a hospital issued blanket.

Tears streak down my face even though I don’t feel like I’m crying as I soak up the first few minutes of motherhood.

They’re not the way I imagined they’d be, but that’s okay.

Sometimes even the best plans go off the rails.

I’m super, super, SUPER sorry. I know this story ended on a little bit of a cliffhanger. I literally spent weeks trying to come up with an alternative, but every option I could think of would ruin some part of Butch and Becca’s book.

And you guys have waited for them too long for that to happen.

On the plus side, now you know why Butch and Becca were always going to be last.

Unfortunately, as this series progressed, I struggled to figure out how to make Butch’s story fit. I knew from the beginning he was an undercover cop , but as I got closer and closer to his story, I just couldn’t see how it would fit into the Lost Boys or Sinners and Saints.

But he did fit somewhere else. Really well, actually. Somewhere he can get everything he wants and be exactly who he’s meant to be.

That’s why Butch’s book is part of my Alaskan Security-Team Shadow series. It’s where he belongs. Where he deserves to be.

And who knows? Becca might discover she fits in there pretty well herself.

You can preorder your copy of Butch and Becca’s story, Desired Perception, here!

Want to see the boys in Memphis meet Zeke and his team? That happens in Covert Operation.

Want to see when Butch and Becca first cross paths again (this will be covered in their book as well)?

That happens in Safe Haven.

And last, but not least, would you like a little more of Myra and Simon? (And maybe a peek at the first time Butch and Becca met?)