Page 31

MYRA

I don’t love how Butch keeps screwing up my fun time.

I’m also not a huge fan of his life choices, but it’s only because they’ve upset Simon. Otherwise, I couldn’t care less about what the man has done in his life.

Everyone else though? They’re super freaking pissed, and that means I’m in for a long damn night. One I don’t even get to spend in the comfort of my own house. Mainly because my house isn’t comfortable.

Yet.

Simon’s got my family room mostly completed, but there’s still no furniture for everyone to sit on, so we ended up taking Butch and Becca to Christian and Lydia’s. They have plenty of space to sit plus it keeps Lydia from having to drag her pregnant belly all over the neighborhood.

But now, instead of being in bed with Simon—probably having one heck of a good time—I’m sitting beside him on the sofa while he and his brothers yell at Butch while the undercover cop who deceived everyone stoically stares back at them.

Becca—shoe secured safely on her foot—stands at his side, studying everyone in the room with a scrutinizing gaze.

I’m not sure how I feel about her. I understand what it’s like to be hiding out.

I also understand what it’s like when you feel like the only person you trust is being threatened.

I don’t really blame her for going after Simon the way she did.

But I’m still pissed off about it.

Lydia leans in at my side, whispering low in my ear. “Are you okay?”

That is a very good question. “I think so.” I look over the strained faces of the men around me. “Way better than everyone else.”

I don’t really know Butch. My feelings aren’t hurt that he was an undercover cop. It’s clear I’m in the vast minority though, so I’m just going to sit here and keep my mouth shut and ride this whole meeting out as best I can.

Or at least, that was my plan until Simon’s large hand comes to rest high on my thigh. I’m pretty sure it’s an unconscious move. He’s likely simply looking for reassurance that I’m all right.

But my sister doesn’t miss it.

Lydia’s attention lands right on where he gives my flesh a little squeeze. Her blue eyes stick, widening incrementally with each passing second before finally lifting to my face. Then they drop back to Simon’s hand and bounce back to my face, her brows crawling up her forehead.

Well. Shit.

Simon asked for six months. Room for me to learn who he was and try to figure out the same about myself. But it seems like my time might have run out way faster than I expected, because my sister isn’t going to give me the same luxury.

Lydia grabs my hand, getting her pregnant butt up off the couch way faster than should be physically possible as she drags me along with her.

“We’ll be right back.” She announces as she drags me through the room full of people and out into the hall.

Her cute little waddle doesn’t slow as we pass through the entryway and into Christian’s office.

After closing the door, she spins to face me. “What was that?”

I have very few options right now and none of them are great. I decide to go with the one that’s truthful but also omissive. “I don’t know.”

Lydia’s chin juts. “You don’t know why Simon just put his hand on your thigh?”

Part of me assumed Lydia had suspicions about us already, but the shock on her face is making me reconsider. “Did you really think we wouldn’t get closer while Simon was staying with me?”

The same freaking thing happened with her and Christian. She went to stay in his house so he could make sure she was safe, and bingo bango.

They became romantically intertwined.

Not that I think that’s what’s happening with me and Simon. This isn’t about romance. This is about figuring out if we’re compatible enough to raise children together. Be connected. Have some semblance of a relationship.

“Yeah. I really thought Simon was a good enough guy he would be able to stay with you without trying to get into your pants.” Lydia’s tone is accusatory. A little aggressive.

And I’m already feeling defensive about Simon, so it makes me careless with my next words.

“By your calculations, if Simon’s not a good guy then neither is Christian.

” I step closer, knowing what I’m saying is a little mean, but unable to help myself.

“And you were a virgin, so that makes it even worse.”

My sister’s mouth drops open, like she can’t believe I would dare turn her words back and point them at Christian. She loves him—I get that—but if she really thinks Simon’s bad for getting close to me, I’m going to look at her husband through the same lens.

Lydia stands taller, lifting her chin. “I’m the one who pursued Christian.”

I angle a brow at her. “What makes you think I’m not in the same boat?”

Oop.

I purse my lips, getting slammed a little too hard by my own truthful words. I didn’t mean to think them, let alone say them out loud. But there’s no taking the admission back now.

I have pursued Simon. I pretended like I wasn’t.

Gave myself all sorts of excuses why things between us could never be all I’d want or what he deserved.

Tried to convince myself I didn’t have enough to give.

Couldn’t meet whatever expectations I set for my own behaviors.

That I was too broken to be able to have someone like him.

And maybe I am. Maybe I’ve been through too much. Maybe I’m too jaded and cynical.

But what if I’m not?

“I’ve got to go.” I step around my sister, pausing when I have one hand on the doorknob.

Turning back, I give her an apologetic smile.

“Sorry I was shitty about Christian.” Flinging the door open, I start to step out, but turn back again.

“It’s true though. If Simon’s an asshole, so is Christian.

” I finally walk away, hurrying through the entryway and down the hall, back to where Simon sits on the sofa.

I recognize what he’s dealing with right now is big. That Butch’s betrayal is life changing and earth shattering. But so is what I need to tell him, and I know Simon well enough to guess which of the two he’d deem more important.

Going straight to where he is, I grab his hand, pulling hard. “We need to go.”

Levi stops in the middle of the tirade he’s currently dishing out, expression befuddled as I manage to drag Simon to his feet. “What’s wrong?”

I smile even though it’s sort of misplaced in the room. “Nothing.” I tug Simon’s arm, moving him toward the back door. “Something just came up and we need to go.”

Simon’s dark brows pinch together in concern, but he doesn’t ask me any questions. His hand comes to my back, resting warm and solid and grounding as he turns to his brothers. “I’ll get with you guys later.”

I go straight for the back door and he follows me out. Doesn’t ask me what’s wrong. Doesn’t question my motives. Doesn’t hesitate. Because when it comes down to it, I’m important to him. Maybe more important than anything else.

And that brings on a few questions. I might be smack dab in the middle of my own epiphany, but now I’m also thinking through Simon’s behaviors over the past year.

There’s no way I’ve taken such an important spot in his life in just a week. Simon’s a nice man, but his family means more to him than some woman he’s just kind enough to look out for. Some woman who asked to have his baby.

I move a little faster, hiking across Piper and Tate’s backyard with purpose as my brain spins faster and faster.

By the time we walk in my back door, I know where this conversation needs to start.

I step into the space he’s worked so hard to make for me and turn to face him. “How long have you wanted me?”

Simon goes completely still, big body freezing in place as his eyes meet mine.

I wait, unable to breathe or blink as the seconds drag out. Will he lie? Will he tell me the truth? Will either option be what I’m expecting? What I’m hoping for?

Simon pulls in a deep breath, continuing to hold my gaze. “Since I carried you through the woods.”

My already racing heart picks up speed, beating so fast I’m a little concerned for its well-being. “Why?”

This past year I’ve felt so bad in so many ways. I’ve felt like a failure. Like I was overcompensating one day and undercompensating the next. I’ve struggled to find purpose. Passion. Happiness. Thought I was falling short in just about every expectation I had for how things would all go.

In short, I thought I was a mess. But Simon wouldn’t want a mess, so I want to know what he saw.

“Because you’re brave. Stronger than anyone I’ve ever known.” He takes a step toward me. “Determined to find a way through all the devastation and manipulation.”

I barely shake my head, not wanting to admit the truth, but needing him to see it. “But I didn’t. I’m still lost.”

Simon’s lips curve in a slow smile. “You were never lost, My. Sometimes it just takes time when you go through instead of around.” He stops in front of me, reaching out to curve a warm, calloused hand along my cheek.

“You didn’t hide from the pain or the sadness or the frustration.

You stood right there in the middle of it and faced it down.

” He shakes his head. “Most people don’t do that.

They’re too afraid to really look at what’s there.

” The brush of his thumb across my cheek is as soft as his voice. “But not you.”

I don’t know what to say to all that. I’ve spent the last six months caught in a cycle I couldn’t seem to stop. It felt like my past was quicksand and as long as I held still, I wouldn’t sink any deeper.

“I know you thought you were stuck, My, but you weren’t. You were just waiting for the right time to make your next move.” His dark eyes move over my face. “Running as fast as you can just to keep from stopping isn’t always the right answer.”

I gaze up at him, digesting his words. “Is that what you did? Ran so you wouldn’t have to stop?”

Simon tips his head in a small nod. “For a while.” This time his thumb slides across my lower lip. “But then I started running for a different reason.”

My stomach flips. “What was the reason?”

“You.” His eyes drop to where he strokes my mouth with a careful touch. “To give you the time you needed to be ready for me.” His voice lowers to a whisper. “Are you ready for me, My?”

I think long and hard before giving him my answer. I know it’s not what he’s expecting to hear, but Simon makes me feel safe enough to offer the truth. “No.” I meet his eyes, hoping he understands. That he can see what I’m trying to say. “But I want you anyway.”

I don’t know if I will ever feel ready for what’s between us. I do know my readiness won’t stop it from being there. I also know I won’t let Simon get away from me. I might not be perfectly prepared to jump into what he wants from me, but I’m entirely confident he won’t let me fall.

I hold my breath, waiting for his response. Terrified what I can give him won’t be enough.

But instead of giving me some sort of answer or agreement, he surprises me with something else.

“Why?”

A smile spreads across my lips, because I don’t think he believes I’m prepared to answer the same question I asked him.

I am. I could’ve answered it months ago.

“Because I trust you. Because I want to take care of you. Because I miss you when you’re not around. Because you make me laugh.” I take a shuddering breath. “Because I know you’ll never hurt me or take advantage of me or treat me like I’m beneath you.”

I could continue, but Simon stops me, the seal of his mouth against mine halting the rest of the reasons I want him.

Probably love him.

The kiss is sweet and soft and careful. The way he’s always been with me. But I don’t feel sweet or soft or careful right now. I feel cleansed. Purged. Free of the ties I allowed to restrain me.

And ready to take off running.

I thought I lacked direction, but I think Simon’s right. I’ve known where to go. What I wanted. I just had to be sure I was finished with where I’d been. That I’d faced it. Learned from it. It might not be completely behind me, but it’s no longer breathing down my neck.

I loop both arms around Simon’s neck, pulling him closer. The kiss between us turns on a dime. Like he can feel the change in me.

It wouldn’t surprise me if he did. I’ve spent months watching Simon. Cataloging everything about him. And it seems like he’s been doing the same. Waiting for the day I might want all the things he’s been ready to give.

And that day has finally come.

Pulling back, I manage to get my lips off his for just a second. “I want all of you.” I grab at his shirt, shoving it up his chest. “Now.”