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Chapter Eleven

NICOLE

Weeks passed while a casual routine formed between Taylor Desmond and me.

We kept sleeping together.

It was still amazing every single time.

The best part was that Taylor had made it very clear how excited they were, too; it didn’t feel completely one-sided.

At this point, Violet and her daughter had been living at Moore Farms for a while.

Signe was helping Jacqueline interview candidates to take over her office manager position.

Mary and Jamie started wedding planning.

Everyone pretended that we couldn’t hear Leo and Jacqueline making out in either of their offices during the workday.

I kept hooking up with Taylor.

Because god, it was so fun hooking up with Taylor.

But dangerous.

Because I loved spending time with them.

We would text each other daily. I was shocked at how quickly our relationship went from casually fucking to sending each other memes and news articles, but it happened.

I looked forward to seeing them, not just because of all the orgasms they could ring from me with no more than a look and a steady hand.

It wasn’t until we were hooking up at my place and focusing on how much I loved being the one to drive them over the edge, that I realized I might need to reevaluate how involved I was with them.

I had Taylor practically pinned to my bed, both of us completely naked, while I worked them over with my mouth. They had their hands gripping the edge of my headboard while they bit their bottom lip and their cheeks flushed.

“I’m so close, babe,” Taylor murmured as they squeezed their eyes closed.

This whole time, we continued to call each other pet names.

But this time, something went off in the back of my mind.

It sounded too real, too familiar now, after weeks of this pattern.

As if they belonged to me, and I belonged to them.

Eating Taylor out was mind-altering because, for a few moments, I was performing as if we were each other’s to claim.

As if I were the only one that they ever wanted to receive this attention from.

Completely submissive under me, whimpering from my ministrations.

Their naked chest and neck were flushed because only I was the one who could see them like this.

Even though we talked about other things, interests, tastes in food, and mutual pet peeves, we never talked about what either of us wanted out of this. Or didn’t want out of this?

“Fuck,” Taylor groaned as I teased their clit with fast and steady flicks of my tongue. They didn’t like to feel stretched, only stimulated. The pads of my two fingers were curling inside of them, teasing that rough patch of nerves that I knew would send them over the edge soon.

While I watched them writhe underneath me, I was surprised I hadn’t collapsed yet. They had already given me three earth-shattering orgasms before this.

C’mon, Taylor , I chanted in my head, give me this, at least.

When they fell apart underneath me, I memorized every aspect of them I could. Every gasp. Every whimper. Every rise and fall of their flat chest. Every flex of their toned stomach. The taste of their tart arousal on my tongue.

I worked them as much as they worked me.

After orgasm number three, they shook their head at me and gently pushed me away from them.

I lifted my head to smile at them, licking my lips.

Taylor whimpered, reached forward. They pulled me up against their chest. They tucked my head under their chin, pulled the covers over us, and wrapped their arms around me. My leg fell between theirs, and we rested in each other’s embrace for a few moments.

“Just let me breathe with you for a little bit,” Taylor whispered against my hair.

We’d cuddled after sex plenty of times before.

Taylor was very adamant about aftercare, which I appreciated.

We’d fallen asleep together a handful of times now, but usually they would wake up and kiss my forehead goodbye. They liked to get up early and go on a run before their workday, and they didn’t want their morning schedule to disrupt mine.

Part of me wondered if that’s what kept this relationship between us so casual.

So, the next morning made me question our relationship even more.

Because we woke up in bed, still completely wrapped up in each other.

It felt way more intimate than anything we did together the previous night.

Even more terrifying, it felt right .

We brushed our teeth in my bathroom together.

Taylor didn’t go on a run. They stuck around.

Both of us were awkward and somehow…not awkward at all. We kept glancing at each other in the mirror, smirking and blushing over nothing.

Should I bring up what I was thinking?

How the pattern of us sleeping together like this for a couple of weeks was starting to plant ideas in my head? Ideas that may or may not have merit, depending on where they stood?

I had no problem asking if Taylor wanted to borrow a spare toothbrush I had stored under my sink, but the thought of asking them, “What are we?” seemed too nerve-wracking to handle.

I needed to talk to them.

About what we were doing, where each of us saw this going.

How I was a relationship person, and doing the casual thing for too long might not be a good idea for the romantic in me.

Plus, we had a lot of mutual friends. Perhaps it was best not to leave the discussion open at all and instead bring up the fact that we should take a break from each other.

Stopping whatever was forming between us now, amicably, seemed like a better alternative to getting too attached, only for them to move on to someone else, and accidentally break my heart.

I wanted to keep going to Leo’s rugby games with Jacqueline, without being haunted by memories Taylor and I had together.

So, yes, it made the most sense for me to end things now before I started entertaining the idea of Taylor and I being an item.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, a sour rock formed in my gut.

I hated that idea.

Which put me right back at square one.

“Nicole?” Taylor asked me after rinsing their mouth out in the sink.

I was in the middle of applying the moisturizer that Taylor said they used every morning. I was determined to look as youthful as them at thirty-nine.

“Yeah?” I asked, massaging the cream into my cheeks.

“Can we go on a real date?”

I froze, giving them a curious look in the mirror.

What the hell?

I was completely caught off guard.

“A real date?” I asked, making sure I heard them correctly.

Taylor was styling their hair with some mousse and their fingers, looking casual as they elaborated.

“Yeah.” They lifted a shoulder, and I almost felt gaslit over how casual they were acting.

As if the “they have flings” person wasn’t formally asking me out on a date.

“…I want to take you out. I think we’re good together.

” After that, they rinsed their fingers off in the sink, giving me a nervous look, “…Do you?”

I took a moment to study their face, because yeah, they looked nervous now.

So, I wasn’t completely crazy for being surprised by this request.

I blushed, but I couldn’t stop the smile that curved the corners of my mouth.

“I—yeah. We’re good together,” I nodded, rinsing my toothbrush out in the sink, “…I like you.”

Taylor grinned at me in the bathroom mirror, “I like you too, gorgeous.”

I tucked my lips between my teeth, low-key appreciating this unexpected turn of events.

But there was still a big, fat elephant in the room, I just couldn’t ignore anymore.

They have flings .

“Taylor?” I asked.

“Yeah, babe?”

My heart expanded in my chest; it was almost hard to breathe, but I was a grown woman. I forced myself to move past the thrill of hearing them call me that and focus on my question.

Except I didn’t ask a question.

There was a disconnect between my brain and mouth.

Because what I said instead was, “I want to get married someday.”

Oh my god, that is what I decided to say.

Taylor paused, raising an eyebrow at me in the mirror, “…Okay…”

Fuck. I just ruined this .

“…Can we go on a date first?”

I closed the toilet lid and sat down, resting my elbows on my legs, hiding my burning cheeks in my hands, “I don’t know why I said that. I’m so sorry. That’s not—I mean. It’s not wrong. But I’m not proposing to you right now.”

“Don’t apologize.” Taylor shook their head at me before crouching in front of me and clasping my wrists in their hands. They slowly removed my hands from my face and looked at me.

“It’s just—Colleen would argue that it isn’t super feminist of me.

I mean, marriage isn’t the most logical route nowadays unless you’re looking for some underwhelming tax benefits,” I tried to explain, “But I’m a romantic.

This is the first time I’ve jumped into a sexual relationship without defining the expectations first. I’ve loved the idea of growing old with someone since it, you know, became a possibility. ..”

Taylor nodded, letting me ramble at them as I struggled to gather my thoughts.

I inhaled a deep breath, forcing myself to be brave and say what I was thinking.

“…But I know that’s not really how you function…”

It was quiet for a moment.

Then, Taylor pulled at my wrists, tugging me off the toilet and into their lap. My legs naturally wrapped around them as they leaned back on their heels. My butt rested on their thighs as they wrapped their arms around my waist.

“That’s not how I’ve done things in the past,” Taylor murmured against my hair, “But…I’m allowed to change my mind.”

I froze in their hug, trying to remember to breathe, “Oh.”

“Also,” Taylor leaned back at me and gave me a disbelieving look, “You can love the idea of marriage and still be a feminist. Do you think everyone should get married? That they won’t be happy until they do?”

I frowned at them, “No. That’s just what I want for me.”

Taylor nodded, “Then you’re still a feminist. You believe women should make that choice for themselves.

But can I tell you something?” They released their hold on my waist to cup both of my cheeks in their palms. Their thumbs brushed against my cheeks, “I still want to go on a date with you. Get to know you better.”

I sighed, “But—that’s my point—if you’re not interested in anything long term—”

“I am.” Taylor interrupted me.

I slammed my lips closed.

My heart stopped.

Did I hear them right?

“You—you are?”

Taylor sighed, adjusting their hold on me.

“You’re right. I haven’t been interested in anything long term…

before you ,” Taylor explained while a light pink stained their cheeks, “But with you…I don’t know.

Maybe I should spiral about this more. Maybe I’m rushing into things as someone who has operated as aromantic for most of their life.

But this is also how I’ve always operated.

I realize I want something, and if it feels right in my gut, I go for it. ”

I widened my eyes at that.

Clearing my throat, I asked, “And what do you want…?”

“I like you, Nicole,” Taylor replied with a smirk, “Like, really like you. So much so that I’m selfishly glad your ex cheated on you because then I had a chance to show you how you should be treated.

I want to show you what you deserve. I want to date you.

When I’m not with you, I am counting down the days until I can be with you again.

So,” They pecked my lips once, quickly. “Knowing where I stand, what my intentions are…can I take you out tonight?”

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.

Feel it in my neck and in my wrists.

I nodded but also decided I should clarify with words.

“Yeah. Let’s go out tonight—if this is what you want.”

Something softened in Taylor’s eyes as they stared at me.

“I want you,” Taylor replied, “More than I have wanted someone ever.”

I bit my bottom lip, and they raised one of their hands to tug it free with their thumb.

I smiled at the touch.

“Okay.”

They gave me a wide smile in return, “Okay.”