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Chapter Eight

NICOLE

The next night, I knocked on Signe Lange’s apartment door before the heavy thud of her steps echoed on the other side. A moment later, she swung her door open, smiling widely.

I looked up at her, returning her smile and thankful to step into the safe space that was her studio apartment. She reached down to hug me immediately, and I reached up to reciprocate. Signe was a tall woman, almost six feet tall if I remember correctly. Probably taller than Taylor.

Don’t think about them .

Right. Girls’ night.

After Signe released me, she stepped aside so I could enter her space.

This was the last girls’ night the women of the office were having before Violet Thompson moved about twelve hours north, starting her new position working on Moore Farms and overseeing the launch of the first solar-powered, self-driving tractors.

The blue-haired systems engineer was already perched on the floor of Signe’s living room/bedroom.

Air mattresses, blankets, pillows, and snacks were already gathered around.

I’m part of this , I reminded myself, these women can be my people.

“Are you all packed and ready to go?” I asked Violet, plopping down to take a seat next to her.

“Nope, but we’re getting there,” Violet shrugged. “We leave in just a couple of days, but we live in a small unit, so it won’t take too long.”

I nodded. Violet had been anxious for the last few months about forcing her daughter to move across the state and into a new home. A new life. Even though Violet’s contract only said she needed to stay on-site for about a year.

“And your dad is still excited to go with you?” I pressed.

“Yeah,” She grinned, “He’s watched a lot of Yellowstone , so I think he’s excited to fulfill his small-town fantasy.”

I laughed when another knock sounded on Signe’s door.

Mary and Jamie walked into the apartment, hand in hand, before settling in on the mass of pillows and blankets, too.

“Jacqueline’s here too,” Jamie giggled.

“She just hasn’t detached herself from Leo’s face yet.” Mary rolled her eyes. She was thrilled for Jacqueline and her cousin but often pretended to be completely grossed out by the idea.

“Okay, hopefully she hurries because—what the hell?” Signe was walking toward all of us with a fresh bag of Oreos when she suddenly stopped, “Is that—oh my god—”

I glanced down at where Signe’s eyes were staring wide and unblinking, but all I saw was Mary lifting a finger to her lips. She gave Signe a pleading look before saying, “Wait until Jacqueline is here.”

Signe’s mouth was hanging open, then snapped closed. An excited squeal sounded behind her tight lips before she plopped down next to Jamie.

Another knock sounded on her front door, and after Signe called out a message saying it was unlocked, Jacqueline finally joined the group.

Everyone was here.

“Before we get started,” Signe gestured to the TV, where the movie My Old Ass was ready to play, “I had something I wanted to share with everyone before the group Mama left us for greener pastures.” She pouted her lip at Violet.

I reached over to wrap my arms around Violet, squeezing her.

I had become closer to all the women here over the last few weeks, but Violet was the one who would go out of her way to sit next to me in company meetings.

I don’t know if it was because of her maternal instinct or because she was an empath.

But when everyone else gave me space to grieve my breakup (mostly because I forced them to give me space), Violet didn’t.

At first, I thought it was because she was new at work and didn’t realize I had closed myself off for a while.

But no, Violet just didn’t want me to feel alone. She’s the one who reminded me of the nights Signe and the others would put together on occasion, reminding me of the time and place. She pushed me to enjoy existing as a single woman again.

Logically, I knew joining them would be good for me. When my parents passed, I saw a therapist a couple of times who really emphasized how important it was for me to find close friends. A social support group to help me through their loss.

Then I met Colleen, and she invited me into her social circle with wide-open arms. I didn’t feel as lonely as I used to, but when we broke up, I suddenly didn’t have that circle anymore.

I hated the feeling of feeling safe and supported, only to go back to loneliness immediately.

It was almost worse than just being lonely the entire time.

Part of my feelings was bitterness, I think. I was bitter at Colleen, her friends, and the world. I was bitter about everyone I had lost. I was bitter about being on my own.

But Violet didn’t care. She saw how closed off I was and noticed how much distance I put between myself and my coworkers. After she gently encouraged me to hang out with our coworkers outside of work a few times, I realized something.

That these friends could be mine . And mine alone. I didn’t need to date someone to have friends. I was capable of that. They wanted to be my friends.

It took me a while to wrap my head around it, but I wouldn’t have been able to without Violet’s friendliness at the office.

Because of that, I felt immensely grateful to her.

“I’m going to miss you all so much,” Violet returned my hug, squeezing me tight. “I’m for sure going to intrude on your girls’ nights via video calls, though.”

“That would be great.” Jacqueline smiled, sitting cross-legged as she pulled out an Oreo from the package Signe brought over.

“What did you want to announce?” Jamie asked Signe, bringing the conversation back.

Signe raised her dark red eyebrows at her, flicking her ponytail over her shoulder as she gave Jamie an amused look, “I don’t know, did you want to announce your news first?”

Jamie’s cheeks turned bright red.

Violet and I exchanged a look, wondering if we knew what the news was. Clearly, we both were in the dark. One glance at Jacqueline confirmed she was also lost; she lifted a shoulder in an “I don’t know” gesture.

Mary was grinning like a Cheshire cat, though.

After a moment of awkward silence, Mary reached over to grab Jamie’s wrist. The one she kept tucked in her lap.

When Mary lifted her girlfriend’s hand for all of us to see, there was a collective gasp from the group when we all noticed what was on Jamie’s ring finger.

A gorgeous golden ring with a dark red ruby.

“Oh my god!” Violet gasped, before leaning forward to inspect the ring. “You’re engaged?”

“Yes,” Mary sat a little taller, before kissing Jamie’s hand and nuzzling her girlfriend’s—sorry, fiancée’s —hair, “I just asked her last night.”

“And I said yes.” Jamie was bright red from head to toe. She shyly tucked a strand of her pale blonde hair behind her ear while holding out her left hand for everyone to admire and ooh and aah over her engagement ring. Jamie was reserved, but even so, the joy on her face was palpable.

A sniffling sound was heard, and we all turned to face Signe. She had tears streaming down her cheeks that she desperately tried to wipe away with her hands, “I’m so happy for you two. This is the best day.”

Mary’s face softened before she released Jamie to wrap Signe up in a hug as well.

I love weddings. I always have. Some would argue that it wasn’t very progressive of me, but I was a diehard feminist who also loved the idea of becoming legally bound to someone. Of having someone in your corner forever.

When I was a little girl, watching princess movies that ended with women getting married and living happily ever after, I knew I wanted the same.

But when I played with my Barbies, pretending women were the ones getting married to each other, eventually my mother caught on to the fact that I might be gay.

When I was about ten years old, telling her about a crush I had on a girl in my class, I remembered the look of heartbreak flickering over her face.

Not because her only daughter was a lesbian.

But because her only daughter wasn’t legally allowed to marry whom she would fall in love with.

I could still vividly remember sitting in my apartment during college, receiving the news that gay marriage was legalized.

I immediately locked my bedroom door to give myself time to fall into a sobbing mess on my bed.

The little girl within me was cheering and clapping and making her Barbies kiss over and over again.

My sexuality wasn’t illegal anymore.

I wasn’t illegal anymore.

I could date women and tell them in the getting-to-know-you phase that I wanted to get married someday, instead of quietly knowing that it wouldn’t happen.

It could happen now.

It was such a romantic concept to me.

It was a dream.

I immediately wanted to ask Mary and Jamie a hundred questions, but I refrained. They just announced their engagement to us. I doubted that they wanted to discuss dresses or catering or venues or dates quite yet.

“Okay, so that was our thing,” Mary gestured between herself and Jamie as she released Signe and sat back in her seat. “What did you want to share, Signe?”

Signe sniffled, using the collar of her shirt to dab at her eyes as she giggled to herself.

“I feel silly saying this now,” Signe murmured to herself before fanning her face with her hands, attempting to calm her emotions, “But…I’m pregnant.”

Silence filled the room for half a second before everyone screamed with excitement.

Jacqueline covered her hands over her ears to shield herself from the unexpected noise, but her eyes and smile were wide with excitement.

“Oh my god!” I exclaimed, my gaze dropping to her soft belly. “Does Zaid know?”

Signe cackled, accepting hugs from Jacqueline and Jamie before turning to me, “Obviously, Zaid knows. I told him a couple of weeks ago.”

“A couple of weeks ?” Mary gasped, “And you’re just now telling us?”

“We wanted some time to enjoy the news ourselves first,” Signe lifted a shoulder, a warm smile touching her lips, “But we just told his family last night, so now I get to tell all of you.”

“I have so many baby things I saved from Gracie if you need them,” Violet offered. “It’s probably a little early to offer that, but even when I’m up in northern California, I’ll send you some stuff.”

“You’re so sweet. I’m going to be asking you all the questions about pregnancy and birth.” Signe happily shook in her seat, “Oh my god, I’m so glad to not be keeping that secret anymore.”

“But you’re so good at keeping secrets,” Mary teased.

Signe rolled her eyes while all of us remembered the cringey and embarrassing circumstances that led to her and Zaid finally getting together.

I wasn’t working there at the time, but I heard the stories.

The part about Jacqueline confronting Signe and Zaid about her book always made me want to turtle shell into my shirt from secondhand embarrassment.

Once all the hugs were given and all the snacks were distributed, everyone settled into the pile of blankets and pillows Signe often created for our movie nights. Aubrey Plaza’s dry humor made everyone laugh, and I glanced around the room to take everyone in.

I was staring at Violet, whose blue hair was tied in a braid today, because I realized she and I were the only single women in the group. She caught me staring at her and raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

“I—never mind,” I shook my head.

Violet scooted closer to me on the pillows, whispering, “Do you want to ask me about Taylor?”

My cheeks flamed.

Oh my god, did she know that Taylor and I—?

“They were texting you during our last session. I saw your name show up on their phone,” Violet explained with an eyebrow wiggle.

“Ah, yeah, we texted.” I nodded, still blushing. It suddenly felt very hot in here.

Violet grinned, “Do you think it’s going to go anywhere?”

I shrugged.

The conversation paused while everyone else in the room laughed at another dry delivery from the characters in the movie. Once everyone had settled again, Violet turned to me.

“If it does turn into anything, let me know,” Violet nudged me with her shoulder, “I want to keep up with all the gossip down here.”

I grinned and nodded at her, “For sure.”

It wasn’t until everyone was focused back on the movie, and Mary was sound asleep on Jamie’s lap, that I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

Quietly tugging my phone out to check the notification, I felt a swarm of butterflies in my stomach from seeing the name lit up on my phone.

Taylor: I want to kiss you again.