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“I’m wondering how to respond to these texts,” I pulled up the conversation with Nicole as we entered the breakroom. Beck grabbed my phone and studied the exchange as all three of us pulled seats out and settled in.

As Beck passed the phone to Courtney to look at, Beck’s boyfriend silently entered the break room and started divvying out lunch for all of us.

We’d come a long way from sack lunches and snack packs.

“Hi Adam,” I held my fist out for him to bump.

“Hey,” He replied. As soon as he dished everyone their meals and sat next to Beck, Courtney spoke up.

“I’m confused, you started this conversation,” Courtney handed my phone back to me.

“I did,” I sighed, twirling my pasta around on my fork, “But I’m feeling nervous.”

“Why?” Beck asked around a mouthful of food.

I leaned back in my chair, quirking my lips to the side in thought.

“This woman is really fucking pretty,” I admitted, “We kissed the other day to make her ex jealous, and it’s all I can think about now.”

Beck wiggled her eyebrows, whereas Courtney rubbed her hands together as if she were a villain planning something.

“It was a good kiss, then?” Courtney clarified.

“ So good,” I pressed my lips together, “I’m just not entirely sure she wants more.”

“I think she does,” Beck nodded toward my phone, now resting on the table. “She sent a double text. And a smiley face.”

I nodded, scratching the back of my head.

I usually kept it short and sometimes went the extra mile to shave little designs in the short hair.

But I’d been letting it grow out a bit more.

I could run my fingers through it. I could grip my hair near my neck, and I couldn’t remember the last time I could do that.

“God, I’m being ridiculous,” I dropped my utensil to scrape both of my hands down my face, shaking my head as I picked my phone up, “I’m going to respond.”

“Do it,” Beck encouraged with a nod of her head.

Me: No problem.

I sent that, and then immediately groaned. I pushed my plate out of the way so I could drop my head to the table appropriately, considering how humiliating my texting game was at the moment.

“No problem? T, what the hell is wrong with you?” Courtney asked after looking at my phone, “Just tell her you want to kiss her again.”

“Yeah,” I lifted my head, staring wide-eyed at Courtney, “Good idea.” I must have looked insane because Courtney’s brows rose as she subtly leaned away from me in her seat. She threw Beck a look, but I focused on my phone as I sent my own double text.

I was going to send what Courtney suggested word for word, but I thought about it for two more seconds and decided to go a flirtier route, just in case she wanted to gently turn me down.

Me: If you need me to scare off any more of your exes, I’m only a text away now.

There. That felt a little better.

God, this woman.

Courtney snorted next to me, indicating that she read what I sent over my shoulder.

I set my phone down and focused on taking bites of food. Desperate not to spiral and wait for those dancing three dots to show up at the bottom of the screen.

Nicole was a CFO.

She was probably very busy.

She probably wouldn’t see that text until later—

Bzzzz .

“What’d she say?” Beck asked, leaning toward me from the other side of the table.

My phone was already in my hands, my eyes reading her text as fast as possible.

Nicole: What do you mean by that?

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand before thumbing a response.

I needed to rip the band-aid off here. I needed to let her know I was interested.

Very interested. If she wasn’t, she could put me out of my misery.

I could redownload any of the dozens of dating apps I had and find someone else to hyper-fixate on.

Even though I’d never been hyper-fixated on anyone before.

Not even when I was in a committed relationship.

What I was experiencing now was new territory for me.

Me: I mean, I really enjoyed scaring off your ex. So, if you ever needed to again, we could even practice scaring off our ex in the future—you know, to get it *just* right. Or you can tell me to fuck off, and I will. Your call, babe.

I set the phone down, feeling more like myself.

“This is crazy,” I murmured to myself. The table was silent, which made me glance up to see all three of my friends studying me with a myriad of expressions.

Adam’s face almost looked bored, which was normal for him. However, I noticed that one eyebrow was slightly raised as he studied me. Beck’s eyes were wide; she had a mouthful of food she had paused chewing as she stared at me. Courtney’s lips were parted as she furrowed her brows at me.

“You’re acting so weird,” Courtney said with a shake of her head, “You’re never this nervous about texting people.”

“I know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I rested my hand on my chest, “My heart is racing like a mile a minute.”

“Huh,” Beck hummed to herself after swallowing her bite, “I remember feeling like that about Adam.” She took another bite and chewed thoughtfully before adding, “It’s important to keep in mind that I have an anxiety disorder, though.”

Adam leaned over to kiss the crown of her head before focusing back on his meal.

“I think you were just really into me,” Adam murmured.

“Were?” Beck asked with a grin.

Courtney and I both shared a look and pretended to choke back vomit.

“Over a decade later, and you’re still gross and in love,” I shook my head, “Though I am wondering if I’m just really into Nicole.”

“That’s exciting,” Courtney wiggled her eyebrows now as she added, “The butterflies in the stomach stages are the most fun.”

“I don’t usually get butterflies,” I replied, “I’m known to give butterflies, though.”

“Maybe Nicole is different,” Beck lifted a shoulder with her words, “Maybe—oh my god she responded.” She cut herself off when my phone buzzed on the table again.

I kept the phone on the table but swiped the notification so all three of us could read her message.

Nicole: Hmm. What kinds of things should we practice on? To get things “just right,” as you said.

“Alright,” I snatched my phone off the table, out of their sight, “That ends your friend privileges.”

Beck and Courtney both whined at that, pretending to be put out by no longer being allowed to read my texts with Nicole.

Also, holy shit, Nicole was playing along!

“Why were your privileges revoked?” Adam asked since he wasn’t leaning on the table to read off my phone.

What would be sexy to respond with, but not too sexy?

“It was getting a little heated,” Beck explained, “To the point where Nicole might start sending messages she didn’t consent to others reading.”

“Ah,” Adam nodded, then furrowed his brows, “…You don’t show spicy text messages to each other?”

God, I couldn’t wait to feel Nicole’s lips on mine again.

“Oh, we do,” Courtney clarified, “But the circumstances need to be justified.”

“Exactly,” Beck responded, “If you want a second opinion on how to interpret the text message. Or if you’re asking for advice on how to respond to keep it going. Or, obviously, if you’re feeling unsafe.”

“But in T’s case,” Courtney jutted a thumb toward me, “They never need advice on how to sext someone. Or how to interpret a spicy text. Therefore, there’s no good reason for Beck and me to read all the filthy things they’re about to start sending Nicole. That’s private between the two of them.”

“Ah,” Adam nodded his head, “I was under the impression that you three just shared everything, but I guess these boundaries make sense.”

“Beck has shared more than enough,” I replied as I held my phone in my hands, still brainstorming my response to Nicole, “But also,” I winked at Adam, just to make him uncomfortable, “You’re a dirty dog.”

Adam didn’t act uncomfortable, because he’s known me for over a decade now and was used to me trying to rile people up for the thrill of it. Instead, he just nodded and said, “Thanks.”

Beck giggled.

“I strive to be as unbothered as Adam Hall.” Courtney sighed to herself, “If Josh were here, he’d demand a whole detailed analysis of his spicy texting over the years.”

“I can see him shoving his glasses up his nose and clicking his pen before taking notes,” I snickered.

Finally, I responded.

Me: Well, you don’t need to practice kissing. You have that down to an art. However, if you wanted to “practice sleeping with someone who isn’t a cheater,” I am happy to volunteer for the job.

The conversation shifted during the rest of the lunch hour, more focused on the plans for visiting Susan’s grave.

I was remembering Jacqueline’s words, how Nicole was fragile.

She was still recovering from her shitty breakup.

I didn’t want to push her; I wanted everything that happened between the two of us to be entirely consensual.

But when my phone buzzed one more time, I felt a thrill of heat warm my veins at her response.

Nicole: Well, for the sake of “practice,” I think I might take you up on that (: