Page 49

Chapter Eighteen

T he late afternoon air hummed with booze-tinged enthusiasm, courtesy of the crowd gathered around the small stage in front of a massive square banner boasting the names of the day’s sponsors.

The polo players stood in a loose formation, their uniforms stained with the dirt and grit of the match, their hair sweat-streaked and their grins wide, their expressions a combination of exhaustion and adrenaline.

Jed stood in the middle of the group, his jaw hard and sporting a restrained smile.

His shirt was partially untucked, his hair was all over the place and dark stubble covered his lower face, yet he exuded confidence, certain of the world and his place in it.

She thought she’d missed him, but on seeing him, she knew it was a small word for a huge emotion.

Smart, reticent, alpha… achingly tender in the quietest of ways, he was everything she never knew she needed.

He saw straight through her, steadied her, the only man who encouraged her to be authentically herself.

Being without him had left her hollow, like she wasn’t taking in enough air.

Living without him wasn’t living at all.

The announcer’s voice rang out, smooth and commanding, drawing everyone’s attention to the stage.

Glass trophies gleamed and names were announced.

Polite applause followed, growing louder when the Castle King team were declared the victors.

Jed accepted his nominal prize with a nod and a handshake, his movements unhurried, smooth and self-assured.

He was every inch the superstar of the polo world.

The smile he offered the cheering crowd was polite, camera-ready, a little distant, until his eyes slammed into hers.

For a fleeting moment, his mask slipped, revealing something raw, something she didn’t understand, an emotion she didn’t recognise.

Was it longing? Need? Or was she, desperate for a reconciliation, seeing what she wanted to see?

It was highly possible, likely even, he was done with her.

Maybe he’d already called it quits and just needed to tell her.

Their eyes met again and Eden’s heart sputtered, restarted, sputtered again. Their shared moment was electric, charged with an undercurrent of something that seemed bigger than both of them, something she couldn’t name or describe. It just… was .

The announcer invited Henry, as the day’s host, to step up to the podium, and he took the microphone, voice as smooth as a vintage cognac. His speech was both funny and heartfelt, as he thanked everyone, from the volunteers to the supporters, for throwing their enthusiasm behind the day.

‘Our fabulous event coordinator, Eden, without whom this day would’ve never happened, has just handed me the latest figures raised for the shelter and I’m happy to report that we raised an incredible amount for Hope Harbour…’

Eden, wanting to get out of the limelight, tried to slip back into the crowd, but Jed reached out and gripped her wrist, tugging her to his side. His fingers moved from her wrist to her hand, fingers sliding between hers and holding on tight.

He dropped his head to kiss her temple. ‘Stay,’ he murmured.

Did he mean for the rest of the presentation?

For the summer? God, for ever ? What? Heat radiated off him, and he felt so solid.

She fought the urge to slump against him, needing to lean, to soak up some of his strength.

She was physically whipped and mentally drained and she wanted to sleep for a week.

Tears, from stress and a touch of heartbreak, burned her eyes, and she pinched the skin on the inside of her wrist. If she fell apart now, she didn’t think she had the strength to gather her pieces and stitch herself together again.

It took everything she had to tug her hand from Jed’s, but he didn’t loosen his grip. ‘No, we’re not running again, Eden,’ he murmured, just loud enough for her to hear.

We. He’d said we. It gave her enough hope to take a chance. She gathered her courage. ‘Jed, I need you. Only you,’ she whispered and watched as, somehow, her quiet words reached him. ‘I should never have said that I didn’t. It was such a lie.’

Their eyes caught, held, and Eden bit her lip, unable to decode the emotion in his eyes, the expression on his face. What was he thinking?

‘We’re getting out of here,’ he muttered, wrapping his arm around her waist, and lifting her off her feet. His barked ‘move’ caused the wall of polo players to break and shift. Kit immediately stepped into the space they’d vacated, shielding their escape from the crowd in the tent.

After he’d placed her on her feet, Eden followed where Jed led, too numb to protest. Instead of climbing the stone steps to Henry’s huge house, Jed veered left and took the path to the rose garden. He looked around, saw a bench and steered her over to it.

‘Did you mean what you said back there?’ he demanded.

She nodded. ‘With all my heart. I was trying to hurt you back then, and I’m so, so sorry.’

He nodded at the bench. ‘Sit,’ he commanded. ‘I have things to say.’

Oh, God, that didn’t sound good. She clasped her hands between her legs, dread coursing through her. What if he said there wasn’t any hope for them, that sharing a family would be torturous? What if she’d misread him?

‘Let’s deal with the Bancroft issue first,’ Jed said, standing in front of her. She wished he’d sit down; he looked so tall, hard, and remote.

‘I’m sorry I snitched on them, Jed.’

‘Eden, Jesus .’

No, he needed to understand. ‘It wasn’t a quick decision, Jed. I agonised about what to do. There was no one to talk to, so I had to go by what my heart told me, what I thought was right. I’m so, so sorry my actions hurt you.’

Could he understand? Would he ever be able to forgive her? She heard his sigh as he sat, and felt his big arms encircle her, pulling her into him. ‘Sweetheart, why are you apologising? You didn’t do anything wrong.’

He stroked her hair off her forehead, his gaze tender. ‘They did, when they stole money, Eden. It was their decision, their choice, and getting charged for theft is their consequence.’

‘But it was me who shopped them. And they are your people.’

‘I can be grateful for what they did for me and my mum, for the role they, especially Tara, have played in my life. But that doesn’t excuse them for stealing from their foundation, from people who needed it. I can be thankful, but I can also hate what they did and who they became.’

He placed one hand on her back and the other on her thigh. ‘They have lawyers, money and they got themselves into this mess. At some point, I might reconnect with them, I might not. I’m also furious Tara tried to shift the blame on you.’

Did that mean— Could it mean he was choosing her? Was that possible? The possibility made her feel a little dizzy, and, dammit, weak-kneed.

Her eyes met his, and she saw his banked anger and frustration. Not at her, but at the Bancrofts, at himself. He touched her jaw with the tips of his fingers. ‘I should’ve planted my feet, Eden. Last week, I should’ve told you that you were a priority and told you that I believed you.’ He paused.

‘I fucked up.’

It was a simple, but heartfelt statement, she heard the disappointment in his voice and it was all directed at himself.

He was so used to doing everything well, accustomed to knowing how all the moving parts of his life fitted together, who did what and where and how.

But here, with her, he looked as confused as she often felt.

She tipped her head, a silent entreaty for him to continue.

‘I’m used to thinking about the world in terms of how it affects me, how it affects my family,’ Jed explained, linking his hands behind his head. ‘But this last week has taught me a fling with you isn’t enough.’

Her heart bounced off her ribcage. ‘It isn’t?’

‘Is it enough for you?’ he demanded, his eyes bright in his tanned face.

‘No, but we were talking about you and your feelings,’ she gently pointed out.

‘And I’m not having any fun,’ he muttered.

She smiled at his sullen tone. ‘Tell me what you want, Jed. From me, and us.’

He sighed, pushed both his hands into his hair and gave her a wild-eyed, I-don’t-know-what-I-am-doing look. ‘I’m not good at love, Eden. I’m still learning. I’ve always believed that it had to be earned, and I can’t help thinking that I’ve done nothing to deserve you.’

‘Jed…’

‘I hurt you. I didn’t stand up for you. I didn’t instinctively believe you.’

‘I don’t know how to be a partner or a lover or’—he swallowed, panic in his eyes—‘more. It’s not something I’m good at.’

Excellence was bred into his DNA, and she had no doubt he’d be an incredible partner or… more.

He pushed an agitated hand into his hair. ‘But I want to try. I want to love you, hell, I do love you,’ he corrected, his words as fast as bullets from a machine gun. ‘But I also want you to feel loved, I want you to know what it means to be at the front and centre of someone’s world.

‘Because you are the centre of mine,’ he added. He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. ‘Be mine, Eden. Let me love you. Love me back. Be the heart of my family.’

Tension seeped from her muscles, loosened her shoulders and the pressure in her head. She gripped his shirt and twisted the fabric around her fingers. She was not going to let horse dander spoil this moment! Happiness, soft and sweet, filled her. ‘Okay,’ she murmured.

He lowered her head to kiss her temple, her cheek, the side of her mouth. ‘I swear I’ll make you happy, sweetheart. I’ll put you first. I’ll make you a priority.’