Page 37

I Told You Things by Gracie Abrams

Us girls get ready in Paige’s giant bathroom, music playing over her speaker as we all get ready for a night on the town.

It feels like just yesterday the four of us were getting ready for some party or night out at the Hidden Bear back in college, when Ella used to drag us out of our dorms to socialize.

God, nostalgia has been punching me in the face all throughout this trip, and I can't believe Paige is getting married at the end of the week.

“Is another glass a good idea, Ames? We are going to a club, and I know drinks are expensive, but I’ve never seen you pregame so much,” Hads says as she notices my full glass again.

“Drinking when you’re stressed about…” Paige pauses to think of the right words. “When you’re stressed about certain things is not the best idea.”

“Take it from me,” Ella says. “The first time I fucked Leo, I was tipsy, and I swear, he put some sort of horny spell on me. It was not my finest hour.”

The three of us look at her like she’s crazy, because we all know she loves the guy.

“Back then, it was,” she reiterates. “I almost missed my weekly coffee chat with Hads because I was too busy sleeping on his stupid chest.”

“I knew it was Leo you had that regrettable hookup with, and now I wish I asked you more about it. I would have loved to know all the details back then. It would have been a great distraction from what was happening with Grant.” Hads swipes some blush onto her face, and the three of us look at her confused.

“It’s sparkling juice,” I tell them. “Ella grabbed some for me after I told you guys I was on medication.”

“Can we just focus on the fact that we’re all here with the people we love instead of harping on the past?” Paige smiles at us, and we nod collectively. “And I never hated Oliver, so that is where I differ from you two.”

“Yes, but you were scared to have feelings for him,” I remind her. “And I don't know how Hads didn't see that. You two were glaringly obvious. I mean, the first time you guys messed around, Hads was at Oliver’s door minutes prior, and you were trying not to giggle behind the door.” I laugh.

“What?” Hads shrieks, and I forgot Paige only told me about that. “Are you serious?”

Paige only blushes, and Hads throws a makeup brush towards her, but she dodges it.

“My bad,” I say to the room, still giggling into my glass .

I don’t know how tonight is going to go, especially after Henry and my impromptu chat on the beach yesterday.

It was weird, the two of us having a civil conversation.

Not only did we talk about the past, but Henry knows about my diagnosis now—not that it’s going to change anything.

Both of our walls seem to be down, the two of us suspended in the air because neither of us knows what we want from one another.

Sure, we still have some things to talk about, but maybe we’ll be civil enough to chat about us after the wedding.

Maybe we can make the next few days not as horrible as it started out.

Though it is getting late, and I’m worried about what could happen tonight when my medication wears off.

I told my therapist there's a noticeable difference when it wears off before I fall asleep, and I’m worried my brain might turn on me at the blink of an eye.

I guess we’ll find out as the night progresses.

Nothing in my head is ever really silent when my medication wears off, but I’m having fun while I dance with my friends. Still, I can't help but steal glances at the guy I used to know.

Once upon a time, he loved me, and I loved him, but now, we’re strangers again.

That cuts me open, and I can practically feel my blood spilling out all over the place.

I wonder why he came up to me at the beach the other night.

I wonder what happened after he left. I wanted to chase after him, but I figured he needed some space after the conversation we had.

It was heavy and full of questions neither of us could answer because we can’t repeat the past.

I step off the dance floor to grab some water, dehydrated and sweaty .

All the boys are sitting at a table, talking amongst themselves while us girls are dancing and enjoying ourselves. I have to say, we all look super hot, and being able to get out of the hotel room has done wonders.

Well, it’s done what it can. I don’t think there’s any way to outrun Henry and our collective past, but I feel like the two of us are in a decent place, despite not having said a word to each other all night.

By the time I get back to the dance floor, Paige grabs my arm and pulls me into her.

“I’ve been looking for you for a few minutes. Where did you go?” she shouts over the music.

“I needed some water,” I shout to her. “I went back to the table for a second.”

“By yourself?”

“Yeah,” I say, confused as to why that would matter. “I’m not drinking, I promise.”

“That’s not why I asked.” She flicks her eyes to Henry and then looks back at me. “Are you two okay?”

“As okay as we can be,” I tell her as a new song comes on, and Ella grabs both of us to dance.

She must have requested this one, because it’s one of our favorites.

On every playlist we ever made, this one was always on it.

It’s basically the soundtrack to our friendship, and I could cry in the middle of this dance floor thinking about the four of us.

It feels good to dance it out with them around me. It feels like the old days, when everything was okay and we were all just four girls who bonded over books. Now, we have so much more life under our belts, yet somehow, we’re still here.

I’m thankful I was brave enough to get on the plane and come back here, because I truly can’t imagine not being around them.

Oliver interrupts our moment when he whispers in Paige’s ear, and her face lights up as she jumps up and down on the dance floor.

“What’s going on?” Hads asks .

“She was excited to finally hear Oliver speak!” I joke, and he shoots me a glare.

“Sadie is here! Her flight just landed! I thought she was supposed to get in tomorrow, but apparently, she caught an earlier flight,” Paige tells us.

“Are you going to pick her up?” Ella asks.

“Yes! I’m not letting her take a car to the hotel when we can just get her. I’m sorry I’m leaving earlier than intended, but—”

“Paige, don’t apologize.” Ella smooths her hair down. “It’s late, and we’ve been out for hours. It’s okay.”

“Grant and I are probably heading out too, so can we catch a ride with you guys?” Hads says as she looks up from her phone. I assume Grant texted her something from over at the table, because I’ve never seen her look at her phone how she is now.

“Where are you two going?” Oliver asks his sister.

“Back to the hotel.” She smiles, and Oliver practically gags as he realizes what she means.

“Good for you, babe,” Ella says. “Make sure Grant puts the other set of keys in my purse before you leave.”

“I will,” Hads says as she hugs us all. “I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

“I love you guys! I’m so excited for everyone to get here!” Paige shouts. “This is the best week ever!”

Oliver only smiles as he whisks Paige away, the rest of us following them back to the table to say goodbye before they leave. After they’re gone, it's just me, Ella, Leo, and Henry. It’s not the oddest pairing you could have in our group, but I can’t say it’s not going to be awkward.

I practically stumble out of the chair I sat down in, and Ella catches me before I fall, all but dragging me outside before I make a complete fool of myself.

“Ames, what is going on with you tonight?” she asks as I take a deep breath, feeling the warm Virginia air down my throat .

“Nothing,” I tell her. “I’m just a little dehydrated, I think. I’ve been a bit dizzy tonight, and I don’t know why.”

“Is that a side effect of your medication?”

My head tilts. “It might be. Can we get some water?”

She then jumps into normal Ella mode, ready to take care of me as soon as I ask.

“Not for nothing, but I’m glad you found Leo.”

“Why?”

“Because he takes care of you how you always take care of others, and there’s nobody more deserving of that than you.”

“Thanks,” she says as she sits me down at the table, Leo and Henry barely stopping their conversation as Ella goes to grab me some water.

My head is spinning in more ways than one.

Since my medication wore off hours ago, I can feel my brain being pulled in a thousand different directions.

Part of me wants to insert myself into Leo and Henry’s conversation.

The other part wants to dance, but I’m too dizzy for that, so I can’t.

I could go outside and get some air, but standing feels impossible.

I’m also just exhausted. Maybe I should go find somewhere to lie down.

As I’m getting up, Ella reaches me. “Where are you going?”

Shit. Where was I about to go?

“Uhm,” is all I can say before she hands me some cold water.

“Drink this.”

“Thanks, Ells.” I take a long sip as the sounds of the bar float in and out of my ears, everything so overstimulating between the noise, the lights, and the way my dress feels against my skin. It feels like too much.

Then, a single word from Henry’s lips sits on my eardrums and won’t leave.

“Here,” Ella says as she hands me another glass, and I take a few sips, my throat suddenly feeling dry. “Drink the whole thing before we leave. ”

“You’re telling me you’ll probably never get married? We’re at a wedding, mate,” Leo tells him. “I assume everyone is always thinking about their own wedding while at another one.”

“Not me,” Henry says, rubbing the condensation off his glass. “I’ve never been one hundred percent sure it’s something I wanted.”

I can’t help the scoff that comes out of my mouth before all of them look over at me, confusion on all their faces.

“Is something funny?” Henry asks, a bite to his tone as he looks at me.

“Yeah, actually,” I say as I lean forward. “You saying that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Amelia…” Ella warns me, her eyes widening as she tries to get me to stop talking before this conversation gets heated.

I should probably listen to her, but I can't find it in me to care too much right now. Not after what I found. Not after what he was going to do.

“And why is that funny?”

“You know what? Maybe we should go outside,” Leo says. “I need a cigarette. Henry, care to join me?”

“Sure,” he says before they walk outside, but I’ve already locked on to the memories flooding my brain of what I found that day in his apartment.

“Amelia, whatever it is you're thinking about doing, don’t,” she warns. “The impulsive part of your brain is overriding everything else. Do not make this worse for yourself.” My mind is already made up as I head for the door, my feet moving of their own accord toward him in the parking lot.

“You’re a liar,” I say as I point my finger in his face. “Look, I’m aware I fucked up, but at least I don’t go around lying to people.”

“Well, that’s debatable,” is all Ella says from behind me.

“What the hell are you doing?” Henry asks me .

“Darling, let’s go inside,” Leo says as he throws his cigarette out, barely having smoked it.

“I’m talking! I’m giving you answers. Do you want to know why I left?”

“Of course I do!” he says back to me.

“Then why are you telling Leo you never wanted to get married when I found a ring on your bookshelf back in college?”