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Then — The Day After Graduation

“It was the end and none of us knew what to do. We knew we were surrounded by reality, but none of us wanted to admit the end was near.” — In A Room With Death, Henry Hayes

I consider telling Paige to flip the car over; it would be a whole lot better than where we’re headed.

Today is the day Amelia leaves for London. I wish we had more time, but it has officially run out.

When she told me she got her dream job in London working for National Geographic, my heart stopped. I knew that was her goal, but I also assumed it would be something a little closer to home.

She never even told me she applied to the London office, and the wind was knocked out of me when I found out.

But this is what she wants, and the two of us agreed to make long distance work.

I’m simultaneously excited for her and disappointed in what this means for us. I know she’s always felt this itch to leave, but some days, it feels like I’m going to miss her more than she’ll miss me. I know that’s not true. I know she’ll miss me; she’s just not very good at showing it.

It’s going to be fine.

“Paige, turn this song up! We need to have one more car performance before you leave, Ames,” Ella says from in front of me.

We’re all tightly packed into Paige’s Jeep as we head to the airport.

By all of us, I mean, the book club girls—Hads, Paige, Ella, and Amelia…

or Mills or Ames. There's no shortage of nicknames with these women. Paige and Oliver take up the front row while Grant and Hads sit in the middle. Her head rests on his shoulder, and I fight the jealousy that they get to continue their relationship like this, that Hads isn’t flying across the world away from Grant.

I’m the third boyfriend inaugurated into this circle of girls who became friends over books, and I wear my title with honor.

These four are something special; anyone can see that.

Books may have brought them together, but that has morphed into something much stronger, and I know this transition is going to be tough.

With Amelia in London for who knows how long, she’s going to miss book club every Wednesday.

I assume she'll still call to discuss with them, but I know it won’t be the same.

I have to keep reminding myself she is leaving all of us.

It’s not going to be easy, but I feel lucky to be surrounded by people who will feel the same way I do.

“Ella, I’m not in the mood to perform,” Paige says, her voice breaking. Paige already cried twice today, and my heart breaks for her.

Amelia and Paige have been glued to one another since freshman year, when they randomly got assigned as roommates. They’ve lived together for the past four years, and I’ve never seen two people so opposite from one another who fit so well.

Our group has been through hell and back this year, and I’m excited to finally be starting life with them all by my side.

Amelia won’t be with me, but she’ll still be here in spirit.

She’s been a little too quiet on the drive to the airport. I don’t think she’s rethinking her decision—once she makes up her mind, it’s hard to change it—but something is wrong.

Instead of pressing her on it, I slip my hand into hers and softly squeeze.

“Paigey, come on.” Grant pokes his head through the center console. “I know for a fact you’ll feel better after the chorus.”

“He’s absolutely right! And I need someone to duet with. Everyone knows Grant can’t sing that high.”

He throws his hands up. “Ells, as your go-to karaoke partner, I’m hurt but—”

“But as a human, you understand. Hearing you sing octaves higher than your voice when you don’t actually know the words is like hearing a chicken's neck get snapped,” Oliver says. A little harsh, but he is right.

“Oliver, be nice.” Hads grabs his seatbelt, stretches it out, then lets go of it. A loud thwack rings through the car.

“What the fuck?”

She only shrugs at her brother. “I don’t have my ruler. I had to be creative.”

I see Amelia’s mouth lift, and even though she’s smiling at Oliver’s misery, I’m glad to see it on her face .

“That’s my girl,” Grant says as he presses a kiss to Hads’ head. She leans into him ever so slightly.

It’s hard to believe those two ever hated one another, but according to Amelia, it was a whole thing—Hads and Grant not getting along. I wasn't around back then, but Mills told me the entire story of their relationship in PowerPoint format.

I was around when Paige and Oliver got together; it was obvious to me they liked one another before they got together.

They even solved a murder case on campus.

It was adorable—if you’re into that sort of thing.

Everyone in our group still thinks they’re both insane, but it worked out okay in the end.

Paige drives slowly, but we somehow end up parking a few minutes and a silent car ride later. I thought we all had more time with each other. This is the moment I’ve been dreading since Ames told me the news.

My throat has been tight all morning, but I’m not going to cry—not in front of Amelia. She doesn't do emotions very well, and even though I’m not much of a crier, I’m going to miss her.

A lot.

We all sit silently, suspended in time. It’s almost as if each of us knows that the moment we get out, reality will crash in and, in order to keep it at bay for a little longer, everyone hesitates.

A few seconds later, Oliver opens his door, and I should have known he would be the first to get out. He keeps joking about throwing a party after Amelia leaves, but I think deep down, he’s going to miss her.

Ella, Grant, and Hads slide out next, and Grant folds his seat forward so Mills and I can get out.

All of us stand outside Paige’s car in a circle, staring at one another.

Awkward is an understatement, but the boys and I know this goodbye is more for the girls than us.

It’s the end of an era, of them all being in the same place.

Paige hasn't even gotten out of the driver's seat yet. Oliver steps up to the door and opens it for her, but she doesn't move to get out .

“Come on, love.”

“I can’t, Ol.”

“Yes, you can. You’ll see her again. This isn't goodbye.”

I see him reach over and wipe her eyes before she slides out of her car, her shoulders slumped and her head hanging low.

She looks exactly how I feel.

“Let’s give them a second,” Oliver says as the three of us guys shift to the back of the car to grab Amelia’s suitcase. She had most of her stuff flown ahead of her, so it should already be at her place in London, courtesy of Ella’s friend Alissa, who is visiting her family over there.

“Hen, how are you feeling?” Grant asks as he pats my back.

“As expected. I knew it would be tough, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.”

“You’re probably adjusting to the air after dealing with Amelia for so long. Welcome back to Earth, buddy,” Oliver says as he drags her carry-on from the trunk.

“Ignore him. He’s going to miss her—”

Oliver cuts Grant off. “I’m sure as hell not going to miss her climbing into Paige’s bed every morning to debrief. She shoved me clean off my own girlfriend's bed and then claimed she didn't know I was there.”

I stifle a laugh. “I remember Paige doing the same thing a few times, but I was allowed to listen in. Ames didn't do that for you?”

Oliver rolls his eyes. “No. She only gave me bruises from pushing me off Paige’s bed. I sure as hell won’t be missing that.”

Fifteen minutes and lots of tears from the girls later, it’s my turn to say goodbye to her before she gets on the elevator and heads up to security.

“I’ll miss you guys. I promise not to fully disappear on you. I know I always joke about that, but I won’t,” she says, a few tears falling from her eyes.

“We’re a phone call away, Amelia. That’s all.” A stray tear falls from Hads’ eyes .

“I know,” she says before looking over at me, a strange but sorrowful look on her face. “Can we talk?”

“We’ll be in the car,” Grant says as he shoves them all away.

“Wait!” Paige shouts, even though she’s fifteen feet from us. She runs over to Amelia and hugs her one last time, almost knocking them both over. “Please call me when you land. And don’t forget about me while you’re across the pond.”

“I could never forget you, P. You know that.”

“Okay, sorry,” Paige says as she slips from Amelia’s hold. “I’ll be in the car.”

Oliver opens the passenger door for her, knowing she won’t be able to drive through her tears, before he shuts it and jogs to the driver's side.

The door shuts, and I look at my girlfriend's beautiful face, her eyes filled with tears.

“Don’t cry, Mills. It’s going to be fine.”

One tear falls from her eye before she speaks. “Henry, I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. You’re going to get on that plane, and you're—”

“You misunderstand me. I can’t get on that plane as your girlfriend.”

What? “Wait, wh—”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

Five words, and my heart shatters. Five fucking words is all it takes.

I know how powerful words are, and those five strung together in succession are some of the most painful I’ve ever heard.

She has to be joking, right? Amelia makes some weird jokes sometimes—her humor isn't for everyone.

This seems cruel, too cruel for her to joke about.

“W-what?” I reach out to grab her hand, but she pulls it away, grabbing her suitcase instead. “Amelia,” I whisper, shocked at her sudden coldness.

“I don’t want you to be here waiting for me, Henry. I don’t want you to wait for me when I don’t know if I’ll ever be back here again. You need to move on and find someone who can love you, create a family with you, and that’s not me.”

I’ve never heard her so devoid of emotion before.

“What are you even saying right now?” I don't even recognize my own voice. “You're breaking up with me? You’re serious about this?”

“Yes. I can’t give you what you want, and it’s for the best—”