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“You’re doing the work to fix it, Amelia.

You came back, owned up to it, and are actually trying to mend what you broke.

Most people, when they hurt you, try to make themselves seem like the person who isn't at fault, but you’re not doing that.

In fact, I can tell you’re not because of how guilty you feel. ”

“You can?”

“It’s how I lived a lot of my life. I used to walk around with guilt like it was a cloud always over my head, wondering what I did to make my parents hate me so much because that’s how they always made me feel—like I was the problem.”

My heart cracks, and I worry it’s going to fall out of my body at the reminder .

“You’re trying, Amelia, and that means more to me than anything.” She smiles at me again, and I wonder what I did to deserve her looking at me like I’m not the most horrible person and friend on the planet. “Give yourself some grace and remind yourself of that when you start to spiral.”

“Okay.” I nod. “I’m really proud of you, you know.”

“For what?”

“You just seem different. You look truly happy, and I’m excited for you and Oliver.”

Her eyes widen at me. “Did you just compliment Oliver?”

“Maybe, but don’t tell him I said anything nice about him. I wouldn't want the Earth to stop spinning if he ever found out.”

We’re silent for about three seconds before we both start laughing through our tears, unable to breathe as we lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling like we used to.

Paige gets up first, and before she slips out of my room, I speak again.

“Thank you,” is all I say.

“For what?”

“For not giving up on me, even when I felt like giving up on myself.”

“It’s what friends are for, Ames, and don't ever forget that.” She smiles before she closes my door and leaves me to think.

My mind is quiet, a stark difference to what I thought it would sound like after that. I thought I’d be swimming in thoughts of how horrible I am, how much of a mess I continue to be, but I can’t hear anything but my own breathing.

These girls are magical , I think to myself.

I wish my brain was easier to deal with.

I wish I didn't struggle so much with object permanence in my relationships and could have hung onto them when I hit rock bottom. I know they would have grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the hole I was in, because that’s just who they are.

They are the light when I can’t see the way out .

I’m better when I’m beside them, and I hope they’ll forgive me fully so I don’t have to be without them ever again.

“This game is actually kind of depressing,” I say to the girls as Paige spins the wheel for her turn.

“Well, it is the game of life, and life can be pretty depressing, so I’d say it's accurate, if nothing else,” Ella jokes.

“Guys! This is supposed to be us getting drunk and having fun before the boys get here tomorrow. I say we spend this round of the game getting as delusional as possible,” Hads says, already sounding a bit drunk.

Ella poured us all mimosas, and she’s having a blast drinking mine.

Water has become my best friend, no matter how much I miss prosecco.

After Paige left my room this morning, it took me another half an hour to fix my makeup and get ready for brunch. Ella pulled me aside before we left and thanked me for having these conversations, and I have to say, these past few days have absolutely been a step in the right direction.

I’m proud of myself for not running away from my feelings for once. No matter how much it scared me to do this, in the end, it was worth it. Not only are the girls on their way to believing I’m here for the long haul, but my actions are finally matching my words.

It feels good to have these girls around me again.

We all play a few more turns before each of us lands on the wedding part of the game.

“Okay, who are we all marrying?” Ella asks us.

“Well—” Paige starts to speak but gets cut off.

“We can’t say our current partners this time,” Hads reminds us before looking over at me. “Sorry. ”

“It’s fine. Harvey and I were a means to an end.” I look around at the girls, and they’re all staring at me. “What?”

“That’s the first time you’ve talked about him since we got here,” Paige tells me.

“I’ve had other things to talk about, but yeah, I pretty much knew he and I weren't going to last. It doesn't hurt to talk about him.”

It only ever hurts to talk about someone else, someone I’ve tried to purge from my mind, body, and soul. It hasn't worked. No matter how much I try to erase him, I can never outrun the feelings he breathed into me, the memories we created, how his skin felt on mine.

I remember it all—every piece of it, including his face when I ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it in front of all our friends.

“But I’m not marrying him,” I say, trying to diffuse the tension in the room. “In real life or in this game.”

“I am going to pretend the lead singer of my favorite band proposed to me while on-stage,” Ella says with a smile.

“I knew that was coming,” Paige tells her. “I’m going to marry my favorite morally gray villain from my favorite movie.”

“I think I’m going to marry the main male character from my favorite book series,” Hads says before she turns to me.

“Oh,” I say, thinking. “I guess I’ll marry a high up public official so I can blackmail him from the inside.”

The girls stare at me before they burst out in laughter, and I join them after a few seconds of confusion.

“And there’s the Amelia we know,” Hads says.

“I still have no idea how you come up with all those,” Ella says as she spins the wheel. “But hey, I won’t judge if you were to actually do that. Just don’t get caught.”

“Well, I’m not Oliver, so I won’t,” I say as Paige picks up two baby pieces and throws them at me.

“When are you all going to let that go?” she shouts at us all .

“Never,” we say at the same time.

We make it almost the entire way through the board, laughing and being delusional as we create fake versions of our lives.

Paige has three kids—all girls. Hads ends up with one of each.

Ella has two sons and two dogs, and I end up with two kids and a few cats.

According to Ella, I have cat mom energy.

“I still can’t believe my mom is coming to my wedding. Little me dreamed of her being there, but I never thought we would be close enough for it to actually happen.” Paige smiles as she moves her car across the line for retirement.

“I'm really happy she’ll be here for you.” Hads grabs her hand.

“We’re glad she’s finally decided to show up for you,” Ella tells her. “You deserve the happiest wedding and life possible, Paige.”

“Oh, please.” Paige waves off all our comments.

“They’re right,” I say. “This is huge, and I’m excited she’s come to her senses and is trying to make up for lost time.

” All my words come from my own experience, but I know how much Paige’s mom hurt her when she was a kid.

We used to stay up late and talk about our respective families when we couldn't sleep.

She obviously had it way worse than I did, but she never judged me for saying what I did about my family. She never thought I was being dramatic when I said my family never really knew who I was, how I’ve spent my entire life running from them and their expectations.

“It’s all we really have when it comes down to it—time,” I say with a soft smile as I feel tears start to form.

“None of that anymore, please,” Hads says, her own voice strained. “We’ve all done enough crying for the past few days. Let's save our tears for the wedding. I’m sure we’re going to need them.”

“Everything is going to be perfect,” Ella says. “Your wedding is going to be perfect , Paige.”

“It’s already perfect,” she sniffles. “Because I’ve got you all around, my life is nothing short of perfect every single day.”

Hearing her say that makes my shoulders drop, my jaw unclench, and my bones settle. These girls are a once-in-a-lifetime group, and I’m somehow lucky enough to be part of it. I’ll never take that for granted ever again.