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“Seeing someone you used to know is always my least favorite interaction. Yes, I remember you. Yes, I no longer know who you are since I last saw you. Yes, I used to know how you took your coffee. Yes, I still remember what you’re allergic to.

Yes, you meant a lot to me and you still do but somehow we’re here—the two of us staring at one another as if we’re trying to memorize one another one final time. ” — Our Best Kept Secret , Henry Hayes

As an audiobook plays softly through my car speakers, I find myself not paying attention to a single word the narrator is saying.

Is this the stupidest thing I’ve ever done? Am I being a complete idiot for thinking by going down here and surrounding myself with these people again, that somehow, it will magically fix my writing?

It could, but it’s not a guarantee.

My mind wanders back to the last time I was in this big of a funk. It was right after the big falling out, and I don’t think there was ever a time before then—at least in my adult life—where I had felt so obsolete. Nothing really made much sense to me after Amelia left.

After that, I had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I had never felt heartbreak like that before, and going through it once was enough.

But there’s a part of me that will always wonder about the what-ifs with her. If she had just talked to me, would we still be together? Would we both be happy? Maybe she is. Maybe she found happiness in England after she destroyed every ounce of mine.

If she’s here with a plus-one, I’ll have my answer.

But even so, I’m still nervous—not just about seeing her, but about seeing everyone. It’s been years since I’ve seen Grant and Oliver, and I barely met Leo in college. I can’t imagine how this dynamic is going to work, but knowing the guys and how they’ve acted toward me, it will be fine.

The nerves still linger, though. I know they won’t go away until I actually see them.

And Oliver is getting married . This almost feels like some sort of fever dream. I figured he and Paige would be together for the long haul, but now that it’s actually here, part of me feels like I missed out on this wonderful thing I could have been a part of.

These people are like family. It’s always been that way, but now more than ever, it rings true. Not only have they all stuck by one another, but they continue to do so.

That’s what I’ve been yearning for these past few years: being able to have that closeness with a group of people.

We all fit together in our own weird way back then, and it worked somehow.

When Amelia left, I didn't have anything connecting me to them besides some loose threads.

When I lost that closeness, it was like running over a speed bump going way too fast.

No amount of success or money could compare to how rich I felt having such wonderful people around me.

That’s all any human craves, right? We all yearn to build connections and find our people because when it all comes down to it, when death finds us in the end, we’ll remember the memories we had with our favorite people.

All the other stuff—money, social status, all of it—will mean absolutely nothing.

And that’s what I’ve been missing all this time. So, maybe these next few weeks will give that back to me, only to rip it from me again. Or maybe it will somehow all work out. Maybe the words will flow from my mind again, and I’ll be able to continue living out my dream.

So many questions float through my mind, and I have no answers.

If this book can’t get written, my publisher will drop me, and maybe I could try being an independent author—I definitely have enough ideas—but sometimes, I worry about what the point of all this is.

If I have nobody by my side cheering me on, if I have nobody to celebrate the milestones with, then why bother at all?

Why bother writing stories if my fingers can’t seem to type anything?

Why not just get a boring, nine-to-five office job with a pension and good health insurance?

Why continue to chase my dream if all its showing me is that I’m not cut out for this?

This book officially terrifies me, and I only have a tiny sliver of hope that maybe these next two weeks will help.

I’m sure putting myself and my emotions through the ringer will help—it did back when I wrote my first one.

Not only did I completely shelve the fantasy novel I was working on, but I channeled all my sad energy into a book about a couple who fell apart and somehow had enough strength to come back together.

I was one hundred percent projecting all of my own feelings into each character, and I know that’s not really what you’re supposed to do, but in the end, it helped me a lot.

I threw all of my shitty feelings onto my characters, let them deal with it, and in the end, it all worked out.

One of these days, I’ll be able to confidently say it all worked out for me, but that hasn't happened yet.

Mitch would tell me it's because I haven't actually dealt with my feelings, and he’s probably right, but that’s what this trip is all about. This is basically exposure therapy. I’m confronting something and eventually, I’ll forget why I was so nervous in the first place.

Though, I’m downplaying it. This is absolutely going to be more complicated than I want it to be. Nothing ever comes easy where Amelia is concerned, and I’m sure that hasn't changed.

By the time I pull into the hotel, my mind is a mess, and I have to rewind my audiobook. I grab my suitcases from the back of my forerunner before I pull my phone out and message the guys.

Henry: What room number are we again?

Grant: Don't worry, you’ll see us.

Leo: Don’t ruin the surprise.

Henry: What?

Oliver: Just get in here.

I tilt my head at my phone, confused, but after I gather myself, I head inside .

As soon as I hit the lobby, I not only see a bunch of balloons, but Grant is holding a huge sign, welcoming me into the hotel.

I drop my stuff on the floor before I run my hand through my hair. “You do know Oliver is the one getting married, right? What’s the fuss about?”

“Are you serious?” Grant says as he hands the sign to Leo. “The fuss is because we haven't seen you in years, and somehow, you’re standing in front of us!”

“I wanted to go a more mellow route, but Grant insisted,” Oliver says as he comes over to me, his hand out in front of him. “Welcome back, buddy.”

I return his handshake, feeling nostalgic. “Thanks, Oliver. Congrats on the wedding.”

He can only smile when I say that.

I’m about to introduce myself to the other two, but Grant practically barrels into me, his arms wrapping around me.

“I’ve missed you,” he says into my ear. “How does it feel being a super cool author, and can I tell everyone I know you?”

“Uhh—” is all I can get out.

“Never mind the fact that you already do,” Leo says as he saunters over to us, discarding the sign on the floor. “Sorry if this is overwhelming, mate.”

“Only a little, but I should have assumed this would happen,” I say, my hand massaging my neck. “It is nice to see you guys. I’ve…” I stop myself from saying I missed this, because that’s not something I want to dive into at the current moment.

“Okay, well, we have a lot to discuss,” Grant says as he picks my bags up. “Follow me.”

“Here we go,” Oliver says, a disappointed look on his face. “I’m sorry in advance.”

“Wait, why? ”

“Because Grant prepared a long fucking presentation to bring you up to speed on all the things you missed, including my relationship,” Leo says, and God, he is so much more manly than I remember.

That accent is pretty killer too. No wonder all the girls practically drooled over him at that Halloween party senior year.

“Actually, I was curious about that. Last I heard, you two hated one another, and she tried to kill you with a bat.” I wasn't actually present for their tiff, but I heard about it a thousand times; Paige would not stop talking about how Ella and Leo were going to get together.

I guess she was right, in the end. She was almost three for three for coupling her friends. I can’t help but wish she could have been right about me and Amelia.

“That’s foreplay for them now,” Grant says as he pushes the conference room door open. “Stop spoiling the presentation. It took me two weeks to put all the information together, and I rented out this conference room in the hotel specifically for this.”

“This took you two weeks? How fucking long is it?” Oliver asks him. “And where did you find the time?”

“It’s a normal length for over two years’ worth of life content Henry missed.” Grant smirks at us. “Now, gentlemen, if you would be so kind and have a seat. The show is about to begin.”

“I can’t believe I let you do this.” Oliver merely shakes his head as he sits down.

“At least there’s alcohol,” Leo says, pouring a glass of what looks like bourbon. “Any of you fancy a glass?”

“Nope,” Oliver says.

“I’m okay,” I tell him.

“The only drunk I am right now is drunk on adrenaline,” Grant says as he dims the lights. “Are you guys ready for the best recap of the last two years ever?”

“No,” Oliver says .

Leo simply sips his drink. “Lay it on us, Grant.”

“I want to say yes, but I’m not sure I’m ready.” I will say, I am a lot more nervous than I was before. I know I’ve missed a lot, but I’m not sure I’m fully prepared to hear everything .

“Okay, so starting off with the biggest thing you missed.” Grant clicks the slide, and a bunch of photos of everyone together pop up.

Most of them have all the girls together—minus Amelia—and Grant and Oliver.

Leo is only in the last few, and I assume that’s because he’s the most recent addition.

“All of our themed parties and get-togethers.”

“Do we really do that so much?” Oliver asks.

“I think they’re quite fun.” Leo smiles.

“You know Ella isn't going to find out you aren't the biggest fan of her themed parties. She’s miles and miles away. She won’t hear you if you actually tell the truth.”

“Oliver.” Leo rolls his sleeves up. “I love Ella, therefore, I love her parties. Even if I don’t see the point of all of them, whatever she wants, she gets.”

“Guys, can we focus?” Grant says, annoyed we’ve already gone off on a tangent.

“These parties look fun,” I say, bummed I missed them.

“Obviously, we all struggled to get together sometimes because of our jobs, but when we did find time, we didn't take it for granted.” Grant turns to face the screen. “Now, here are all the books the girls and I have bought on every bookstore trip we took.”

Grant starts flipping through the slides, and about three seconds later, Oliver grumbles.

“Grant, this is absolutely not necessary. You promised to hit the big stuff only.”

“Ugh, fine. You always ruin my fun, Oliver,” Grant says as he clicks through what seems like a hundred slides before he gets to the proper one. “Okay, the big moments. ”

“There were only a few,” Leo says as he refills his glass.

“I almost died!” Grant says so cheerfully, I’m sure I misheard him.

“What?” I say, shocked and confused. “You almost died?”

“Well, not really,” he tells me. “I was hit by a car, but I only broke my leg and lost a kidney.”

“Grant, what the fuck?” I say. “That’s terrible.”

“And he constantly jokes about it,” Oliver says. “Because he’s an idiot.”

“An idiot you’re glad is alive,” Grant says.

“Yes, but an idiot, nonetheless.”

“Now, gentleman, let’s not fight.” Leo smirks.

“Well, at least you’re okay now.”

“Thank you, Hen.” Grant smiles at me before continuing. “The only other huge thing besides Amelia dropping off the face of the Earth is that Ella and Leo got together after agreeing to only have sex three times, but they ended up falling in love. The end.”

“Wait, go back,” I say as I stand. “What did you say about Amelia?”

The three of them are silent for a moment before Oliver speaks up. “I told him not to mention it.”

“I’m confused,” I say as my head spirals. “I thought she only left me. Was that not the case?”

“Not just you, mate. I’m sorry, by the way.” Leo pats me on the shoulder. “I heard about what happened when Ella was ranting to me about how terrible of a person Amelia was—well, is.”

What the hell is going on? “But the girls and her were so—”

“Close?” Oliver cuts me off. “Yeah, that’s what we thought too. Apparently, Amelia is shitty at being a girlfriend and a friend.”

“I thought you guys told me she was spending this week with the girls like I was doing with you all?”

“Well, she is,” Leo says. “Ella hated the idea of inviting her, but the fact that she actually showed up and is trying is a good sign. It was Paige’s decision.”

“She was so excited when she found out Amelia would be coming back,” Oliver says, a sad look on his face. “I didn't know how to tell her I don’t trust that she won’t completely disappear on them again. She was sure these two weeks would change everything, but I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Wow. I guess I figured I was the only one she cut out of her life when she got on that plane, but I was wrong.

She was the most important person in the world to me, but she was also important to the other book club girls, and she left them too.

I guess the three of them and I have more in common than I thought.

The four of us are silent as I process all the information they’ve thrown at me.

Not only have I been hurt by Amelia, but the group was too.

Maybe I didn't have to be alone all these years.

Maybe I could have had these guys around me even though I wasn't dating Amelia anymore.

I think, in the back of my mind, I knew they wouldn't mind having me around, but there was something holding me back from reaching out.

Them holding a branch out to me might have been the best thing to happen—especially the timing. It feels like this impromptu trip sort of fell in my lap, and I’m nervous to see if it helps or hurts in the long run.

I guess I’m hoping for the best, but I’m also bracing for the worst. All I know is, I have to face the person who crushed me into pieces, and I’m not so sure my heart is guarded enough to not fall for her trap again.

Her trap being love. She lured me in, made me trust her, and then she crushed me. Us—she crushed us .

Wanting to switch the subject off her, I divert the conversation as best I can.

“Wait, you and Ella had a sex pact before you were official? ”

“Oh, Henry.” Leo finishes his drink. “How long do we have this conference room?”

Grant looks at his watch. “An hour and a half.”

“Perfect,” Leo says to me as he stands and heads to the front of the room. “So it all started during university…”