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L ucy spent that day , and the next few, as if in a dream. She was barely conscious of anything she did. It was as if she was a robot—everything was automatic. She went to work, somehow managing to act like nothing had happened. The only good thing was this job finished up on Friday.

Early on Thursday evening, she drove over to see the twins and wish them happy birthday. She completely ignored Allison, speaking only to Geoffrey and the children. But she didn’t stay long, using the fact she had a headache as an excuse to leave early.

Somehow, she managed to get through the weekend.

The ache in her heart wouldn’t leave her. There was a knife twisting and turning in it, gouging her insides into tiny broken pieces.

She stuffed herself with chocolate and biscuits, then didn’t bother eating for a few days.

She refused any temping jobs and told Jake she wouldn’t be available for a while.

Continually tired, all Lucy could do was cling to the pendant around her neck as she tried to make it through each hour, each day.

Sleep became her new lover. It beckoned her all the time. But it was a false lover, sending her dreams of her men, of their love, spiraling her deeper downward.

Days merged into one another and Lucy was shock when she discovered tomorrow was Christmas Day.

It was the worst Christmas Lucy ever had.

Lucy imagined she acted in a play on stage.

Nothing at all seemed real. She did things without thinking.

Lunch was spent with the children, but even watching their excitement as they opened and played with their gifts couldn’t break through the frozen shell where her shattered heart was.

She broke down again that night when she found the gifts she’d bought last month for Jack and Sebastian.

By the end of the third week, she had lost weight and knew how awful she looked. Lucy couldn’t remember when she’d showered last. So many times, she’d pick up the phone to call her men only to realize if Allison found out she’d ban her from seeing the kiddies.

There was no way she could live her life like this.

Geoffrey hadn’t been able to change Allison’s mind.

He confided to Lucy that when he pressed the matter, she had threatened to take the children and leave.

Regretfully, he told Lucy he had to stop before the marriage became irreparable.

Lucy understood his position and told him so.

She loved him as if he were her own son.

She understood his worry for her, but there was nothing she could do about it.

In a moment of clarity, she had tackled Allison but to no avail.

The result only made Lucy more depressed.

In the end, Lucy decided she would continue ignoring her and try to enjoy her grandchildren—but even that enjoyment was tarnished.

She told Allison that as far as she was concerned there could be nothing between them.

Hundreds of times through every day she would grip the tiny pendant. It became an obsession, to hold it, to continually check it still hung between her breasts. It was her lifeline, Lucy’s only link to the two men she still loved so dearly.

All her adult life she’d cared for others, she’d pushed her own happiness aside. And now when she finally had a chance at true joy, it had been snatched away from her.

Over five weeks passed and Lucy binged, then she’d starve herself.

She’d gone days without a shower or bath.

Nothing could get her out of this hell hole.

Instead, she’d sunk deeper. Now, so disconsolate, she started thinking about taking her own life.

The more she thought about it, the more the idea appealed.

She found herself spiraling downward, down toward a dark, deep, black hole. There was a tiny light still at the top that she tried to cling to, but then the deeper she went the more attractive it was until finally the dim light disappeared.

Cocooned in the heavy darkness, all her pain disappeared. If she stayed there nothing could touch her. No one could ever hurt her again. She stayed in bed, wrapped in her grief.

Then one Saturday morning, at the end of January, Lucy became determined to solve her heartbreak once and forever.

In her mind, she’d decided there was nothing left for her.

She was unable to cope with the rest of her life alone.

Couldn’t face the pain of each day. She just needed the courage to take this final step to let the welcoming darkness embrace her forever.

Lucy rummaged in the pantry and found a few bottles of white wine she had in case Geoffrey or Jack would like a glass with their meals. Pouring herself some into a mug, she took a big mouthful.

“Yuk!” She grimaced but took a second.

By the time it was empty, she figured she could tolerate a few more. Turning the stereo on full blast, she wandered through the house, wine bottle in hand. Every now and again she’d drink from it until finally nothing was left.

Lucy went back into the kitchen and opened another bottle.

She felt weird. It was almost like sub-space, so she drank another mouthful. The room spun nicely as she tried dancing through the house along with the music. She stumbled back out to the kitchen, falling against the fridge.

“What was I drinking for?” she demanded of it. “That’s right. My fucking bitch of a daughter! Well, soon, she won’t have to worry about me anymore!”

Off she went into the front room, taking another swig or two from the bottle. Lucy couldn’t stand straight. Instead, she rocked back and forth, staring into space, crying softly.

Allison walked into the room.