Page 17

T he night sky twinkled with stars above them, but as they walked up the stairs, Celia saw only Nick. Instead of the mesquite below her apartment, all she smelled was his woodsy scent. All she felt was his hand on her elbow, steadying her as she ascended the stairs. She’d edged as close to the railing as she could, but her body still brushed Nick’s. When sparks fluttered over her skin, she took a deep breath to steady herself. Yeah, Nick really did it for her. But until they talked, until they’d both laid their cards on the table, she needed to hide that from him. After growing up with an unstable, chaotic parent, she was always careful about what she revealed.

When they reached her door, she swiped her hands down her thighs and punched in a set of numbers on the keypad. Irritated to realize her hand was shaking, she swallowed hard. It took her three times to finally get the combination right. When she finally shoved the door wide, she stood back and waved Nick inside.

Thank God she’d taken the time to straighten her apartment earlier. Her dirty clothes were off the floor and in the laundry hamper, and the dishes she’d brought upstairs were stacked neatly in the kitchen. Nick’s apartment had been clean and tidy. She didn’t want him to think she was a complete slob and rescind his invitation to move into his place.

“Go ahead and have a seat,” she said, gesturing at the couch. “I’m gonna take a quick shower and change my clothes. Get rid of the stink of grease and cooking.”

Without waiting for him to reply, she hurried into the bedroom and closed the door. Then she stripped off her clothes, dumped them into the hamper and stepped into the shower. Less than five minutes later, she turned off the water, ran a towel over her body and grabbed a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. Ten minutes after they’d walked into her apartment, she opened the bedroom door and walked back into the living area in stocking feet.

She stood in front of Nick, studying him. With his long body draped over her couch, he looked as if he belonged there. With her, in her apartment. She wanted to pull him into her arms and wrap her body around his. She had months of built-up lust, and every molecule in her body was screaming at her to act on it. One of them had to make the first move, and she was pretty sure that it wouldn’t be Nick, at least not tonight. Not while he was still in apology mode for the way he’d reacted this morning.

So instead of sitting down beside him, she grabbed both of his hands and pulled him to his feet. As soon as she tugged on him, he jumped up. His throat rippled when he swallowed, as if he were trying to figure out what she wanted.

Twining her hands with his, she took a step closer to him. His breath fluttered over her face, and he smelled of the crisp red wine they’d both been drinking. She wondered if she’d taste the wine if he kissed her.

“Do you want to sit on the couch and rehash everything that happened today?” she asked.

His gaze fixed on her, Nick shook his head slowly. “Hell, no,” he said. “That’s not what I want to do.”

“Me, either,” she said, taking a step closer to him. “You have something else in mind?”

She’d never hesitated making the first move on a guy before tonight. But Nick was… different. He meant more than the casual affairs she’d occasionally indulged in. They hadn’t happened often, but when they did, she often was the one who acted first.

With Nick? She was in a completely different place. What she wanted with Nick was about as far from casual as she could get. And that scared the crap out of her. Made her want to back away. Brush a kiss over his mouth and say goodnight. Tell him she’d see him tomorrow.

That wouldn’t be honest, but she had no idea how to move forward. She didn’t want to scare him off, but she didn’t want something casual and meaningless with him, either.

Nick somehow seemed to understand her dilemma. He gripped her hands more tightly. Lifted her right hand and kissed her palm. Then her left. “What do you want, Celia?”

She twined her fingers with his, loving the faint rasp of his fingertips against hers. He hadn’t gotten those calluses sitting in front of a computer all day. Those rasps against her fingers came from hard work. Hard exercise. She wondered if the rest of his body reflected that work. That effort. She couldn’t wait to learn all the contradictions of who Nick was -- the guy who sat in front of a computer all day versus the physical man who stood in front of her.

He stared at her, and she realized she hadn’t answered him. So she took a deep breath. Another. Swallowed hard. “I don’t really want to talk about what happened tonight,” she finally said. “Or what happened at your apartment today.”

“Really?” he said, the ghost of a smile curling his mouth. “Then what did you have in mind?”

Here it was. Put up or shut up time. So Celia squared her shoulders. Sucked in a breath, then blew it out. “I was thinking that I’d like to see if the reality of kissing you is what my imagination has been hoping it would be.”

He gripped her hands more tightly, as if he were afraid she’d pull away from him. Shut him down. “So you want me to kiss you?”

“Do you want me to spell it out for you? Get some posterboard and draw you a picture of what I want?” She slid her fingers between his, and his hands tightened on hers. “Damn it, Nick. Yes, I want you to kiss me. Like fifteen minutes ago.” She wanted a hell of a lot more than that, but she’d start with a kiss. And see where that led.

Nick’s mouth finally curled into a smile. “All you had to do is ask, Celia.” He let go of her hands and cupped her face between his palms. Swept his thumbs over her cheeks, sending lightning shooting down her nerves. She shivered. Celia had never trembled from a man’s touch before. Hadn’t even imagined it was possible. But here she was, inches away from Nick, and she was shaking like she was standing in a freezer.

She took a step closer to him. Felt his heat wash over her and wanted to press her body against his. Let all that heat sink into her bones. Mark her as his.

Instead, she lifted her head to study him. Saw that his chest was rising and falling too quickly. Just as hers was. His pupils dilated until all she could see was black. She drew in a shaky breath. Thank God she wasn’t the only one affected by their closeness.

Nick’s gaze settled on her mouth, and her whole body clenched. Hunger filled his eyes, his breath stuttered out, and he leaned closer. Brushed his mouth over hers, so lightly that she could barely feel his lips gliding over hers.

She grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him toward her. Pulled her hands away from his and wrapped her arms around him. Rose onto her toes and pressed her mouth to his. All his muscles tensed when her breasts flattened against his chest.

They both froze for a long moment. Then Nick yanked her impossibly closer to his body. His mouth devoured hers. He sucked her lower lip into his mouth and teased the softness with his tongue. Let his tongue dance against hers as he showed her exactly how much he wanted her.

A moan echoed between them and Celia was pretty sure it was hers. Nick’s arms tightened around her, then he lifted her up until she wrapped her legs around his waist. His mouth tasted and plundered. He cupped her ass in his hands, and need roared through her. Celia bit back a whimper and deepened their kiss.

As if they were made for each other, Nick’s hard body fit perfectly against hers. He clearly didn’t spend all his time in front of a computer -- he used those hard muscles regularly. She wanted to know what he did. How he worked out. How a guy who made his living at his computer had the muscles of a man who worked at a physical job.

Their mouths devoured each other, and Nick’s taste swept through her. Settled into her bones. The wine he’d been drinking. The sweetness of the sugared nuts he’d crunched on at the bar. The desire she’d seen in his eyes ever since she moved into his father’s house.

She wanted to rip his clothes off. Take him inside her and join with him. She grabbed his shirt in her fist and tried to pull it off. But a tiny voice warned her to slow down. She shouldn’t leap with Nick. She wanted so much more than a quick fuck.

She wanted Nick far more than she’d ever wanted any other man. And falling into bed because of lust wasn’t the way to get to where she wanted them to be. Even though she didn’t know Nick very well, she was pretty sure he’d want the same thing. A relationship that would last. Not just a handful of nights and then goodbye.

His hands burrowed beneath her sweatshirt. Slid over her back, leaving sparks wherever he touched her. Then he slid his hands around her sides and cupped her breasts. Celia pressed into his hands, biting back her moan of pleasure as his rough fingertips brushed over her bare nipples. She wanted Nick more than she’d wanted anything in her life. Ever. It would be so easy to lead him into her bedroom. Strip off his clothes and let him strip off hers. Fall into bed and make love until they were both sated. Both exhausted. Curl around each other and fall asleep.

Did she want that? Oh, yeah. She’d never wanted anything in her life the way she wanted Nick.

Was she going to act on it?

Not tonight. As tough as it would be to say no, she knew they needed to slow this down.

She’d let this go too far. She had to stop. If they fell into bed now, they could ruin something that could be wonderful. Life-changing. Long-lasting.

So she dropped her feet to the floor. Grabbed his hands, and instead of pressing them against her breasts, held onto them as she eased away from him.

Nick lifted his gaze to her face. The desire and hunger in his gaze were clouded with uncertainty. Confusion. “Celia? What’s wrong?”

She tightened her grip on his hands. “Nothing’s wrong, Nick. I’m with you, every step of the way. I want you as much as I think you want me. But as much as I want to drag you into my bedroom, giving into the need I’ve felt for you for months isn’t a good idea tonight. I think maybe we need to slow down. I don’t want to ruin what could be wonderful by jumping into bed with you right now.” She swallowed. “Maybe we should talk. Get to know one another a little bit better. Figure out what we both want.”

Nick tightened his grip on her hands. “I have a pretty good idea of what I want.”

Celia sighed. “Yeah, I can tell.” She pressed her body against the hard bulge beneath his zipper. “I want the same thing, but we have all the time in the world for that.” She tightened her grip on his hands. “I’m in this for the long haul, Nick. I don’t want just one night, or a handful of nights. I want a lot more than that. And I hope you do, too. So I think tonight should be for talking.”

Nick stared at her for a long time, his chest rising and falling too quickly, his eyes dilated with desire. Finally he reached out and cupped her face. Touched her mouth with his thumb. “That wasn’t easy for you to say,” he murmured. “Because I’m pretty sure you want me as much as I want you.”

“At least as much as you want me,” Celia said, pressing against the hard bulge of his dick one more time. “Maybe more.”

“Don’t think that’s possible,” he said, his hips jerking against hers. Then he drew in a ragged breath. Nodded slowly. “You’re right,” he finally said, although it sounded as if the words were dragged out of him. “We do need to talk. Because I don’t want a one and done with you, either.”

Holding her hand, he guided her onto the couch. Sat down beside her. He didn’t let go of her hand, but he was careful to make sure they weren’t touching anywhere else. “I’ll go first with the talking. Are you sure you’re not still pissed off with me about this morning at my apartment? Were you just putting a good face on it because we were with your family?”

She tightened her grip on his hand. Edged a little closer to him.

“I’m absolutely positive I’m not still angry with you.” She squeezed his hand, savoring that small physical connection. “I was still pissed off when you walked into The Trailhead tonight,” she admitted. “But when you told everyone what I’d done, and made it sound as if you admired me for doing it? I let my anger go.”

She sighed and leaned back against the couch, studying his face. “I understand having an instinctive reaction in the heat of the moment. You’re not the only one who’s ever said or done something, then later thought, ‘why the hell did I do that?’

“Everyone has, including me.” She smiled. “When I lived in your father’s house, you probably didn’t realize that I have a quick trigger and lose my temper easily.” She drew in a deep breath. “It wasn’t safe to lose my temper there, and I always struggled with that.”

She swallowed hard, knowing she was making herself vulnerable to Nick, but she wanted him to know who she was. “So I know it took a lot of courage for you to confess about getting angry with me in front of people who haven’t been your biggest fans.”

Nick took a deep breath. “I didn’t say more because I wasn’t about to give Anne and Noah and Hiram that much power over me. You’re the only one who gets that power.”

Celia stared at him, shocked that he’d revealed so much. After a long moment, she edged a little closer to him. “I think it’s kind of early in our relationship for you to hand me so much power. You don’t really know me. Don’t know what kind of person I am. You’re taking a huge chance.”

Even before she finished speaking, Nick was shaking his head. “We might not have talked much when we were living in my father’s house. But I saw you every day, usually several times. I watched how you interacted with the other women who worked there -- the cleaners, the kitchen assistants, Alice. You were always kind. Always supportive. And I saw how you handled my father’s men when they grabbed your ass. When they looked down your shirt.” He sighed. “I’m sure they tried to grab you when no one else was paying attention.”

Celia’s mouth curled into a smile. “Yeah, but none of them tried it more than once. Because when they did, they got a hard knee to their balls. And after they picked themselves off the floor and slunk away? They avoided both me and the kitchen.”

Nick’s lips twitched. “Good for you. I’m glad they got the message. Glad they stayed away from you.”

“I am, too,” she said with a sigh. “There was a lot of stress associated with living in your father’s house.”

“I know,” he said, his voice soft. He lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. His lips were smooth. Warm. And she wanted to feel them everywhere. Instead, she tightened her grip on his hand and held on.

Nick squeezed her hand. “On top of the other stuff – my father himself, his men -- you had to be nervous that he’d find the microphone you’d hidden in his desk.”

“I was terrified at first,” she admitted. “Every day, I expected him to figure out that someone was taping him. But by the time he actually did find the microphone, it had been six months.” She drew in a long breath. “I guess I got too confident. Too cocky. I should have had a plan for what to do if he found it, but I’d gotten complacent.”

“What could you have done, other than put it in a place where it’d be harder to find?”

Celia inhaled deeply. She’d asked herself the same question too many times. “I could have hidden it in a vent in his office,” she said slowly. “But I would have had to spend too much time in that office, opening a vent, attaching the microphone, then closing the vent again. Way too many chances for someone to walk in on me. And there was no way to justify unscrewing that vent.

“Or I could have made a copy of the key to one of his cars. Been ready to take off on the spur of the moment. But that would have been iffy, too. Your father would have sent someone to follow me. Probably shoot me on the spot.”

Nick’s fingers tightened on hers. “You took so many chances,” he said, his grip hard. As if he was protecting her, even now. “The odds of surviving that night were really small. I’m so glad you were smart enough and clever enough to outwit Fingers and Murray.”

She huffed out a laugh. “You and me both.” She cleared her throat. “I never told you what happened, did I?”

“No, but it’s probably none of my business.”

She tightened her grip on his hand. “I want to tell you, Nick. So you know. That’s better than always wondering.”

He smoothed his hand over her hair. “If you want to tell me, I’d like to know.”

Celia drew in a breath. “I suspected what was supposed to happen even before we left your father’s house. So I put my cash in a money belt and tied it around my waist, then I put on my tactical vest.” She tightened her grip on his hand. “I bought it shorty after I started working for the Amalfis. I realized pretty quickly I wouldn’t need it with them, but I kept it anyway.” She sighed. “Working for mob guys, I wanted to be prepared.

“So when Fingers and Murray pulled off the road in the desert, I knew what was coming. We walked about a half-mile from the road, and the two of them dug a shallow grave. Fingers told me to get in the grave, and I basically told him to shove it up his ass. I wasn’t going to lay down in my own grave.

“He was pissed, so he wasn’t as careful as he should have been. He aimed at my head, and I jerked to the side right before he pulled the trigger. He scored a groove in my scalp and it bled like crazy, but it wasn’t a fatal wound. But it did make me fall down into the grave. Then he fired another shot at my chest. Even with the vest, it hurt like hell. I must have passed out, because the next thing I knew, they were dumping dirt on me.

“It was a shallow grave, so it didn’t take long. After they finished, they walked away, talking about betting on football games. Once they were far away, I took out a silicone straw I’d put in my fanny pack and used it to breathe. I stayed in the grave for a long time after I heard the car drive off, and eventually I dug myself out. Walked to the nearest town and got on a bus for Helena. Anne and I had always said that we’d meet here if we were in trouble. I went to the homeless shelter in Helena, and Mary gave me a job cooking for the residents.” She smiled. “The job came with a room, too, so I had a place to stay.”

“Eventually I re-united with Anne, who was cooking for Hiram at The Trailhead. And you know the rest of the story.”

Nick curled his hand around her shoulders and drew her against him. “My God, Celia. That’s a horrifying story.”

She was shaking her head before he’d even finished speaking. “It’s not. I survived. Was I sore for a while? Yeah. But better sore than dead.” She leaned into him. “Don’t feel sorry for me. Be happy that I survived.”

“I was devastated when I thought you were dead. Destroyed. And when I saw you at The Trailhead at Noah and Anne’s wedding, it felt like a miracle. And I vowed then that I would do everything I could to find a way into your life.”

His hand gripped hers almost too hard. “After you left my apartment this morning, I thought about why I was so upset with you.” He sighed. “After I calmed down a little, I realized I was hurt that you hadn’t told me earlier. It felt as though you didn’t trust me. Didn’t want to share something important with me.”

She tightened her grip on his hand. To make sure he didn’t pull away? Maybe.

“You’d be right about that,” she said gently. She twined her fingers with Nick’s and edged even closer to him. Electricity shot up her arm from the places they were touching. “Would you share important stuff with a person you barely knew? Bare your soul to someone to whom you’d never said more than a few words? Of course you wouldn’t do that. And it didn’t take me long to realize that. Realize that being upset with you was stupid. And worse, I had no right to be upset. We hadn’t talked enough to get a sense of each other. Or what was important to us. How we’d react to different situations.”

She shook her head. “After I figured that out, I wanted to run back to your apartment and apologize to you. But I was busy getting ready for dinner service and couldn’t get away.” She smiled. “I wasn’t sure you’d show up here tonight, either. If you did, I’d planned to ask you to come up here after we all left the bar so I could talk to you. Apologize properly.” She nudged him with her elbow. “If you hadn’t shown up? I’d have walked over to your place before I went upstairs to my apartment.”

Nick stared at her, his expression telling her things she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear. “After you left, I wanted to follow you back here and talk to you,” Nick admitted. “Tell you how sorry I was and ask you to forgive me. But I remembered how hard you worked when you were making dinner at my father’s house. And that wasn’t a restaurant. It was a private home, and you were making dinner for only a handful of people. Nothing like what you’d do in a restaurant.

“I knew you’d be working dinner and probably lunch as well. So you wouldn’t have the time or the headspace to talk about my issues. And I didn’t think about telling everyone what you’d done until I was sitting at the bar with the rest of you guys. I wasn’t about to apologize to you in front of everyone else -- that was no one’s business but ours. But I could tell Hiram, Anne and Noah about the hidden mic. About you taping my father. Make sure they knew I was proud of you for standing up for the right thing. The message would be the same, no matter how it was delivered.”

She leaned even closer to Nick. “Thanks for explaining all that to me,” she said. “I’m glad we got everything out in the open. Talked about it. I felt… itchy all day. Twisted up inside.” She took a deep breath. “Now I feel free. Like a load has been lifted from my shoulders. I want to crawl onto your lap and wrap my arms around you. Listen to your heart beating. Feel you breathing against me.”

“I want the same thing, Celia. But since we’ve decided to take this slow, I’m not going to do that. I’ve yearned for you for months and never touched you before tonight. Now I want it all, but you’re right. We need to get to know one another.”

He scooped her up and stood up with her. Wrapped his arms around her and gave her another toe-scorching kiss. Then he backed away.

“If we’re going to take this slowly, I need to leave. Right now.” Nick’s breath was sawing in and out. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay?”

“I’ll be here,” Celia said.

“I will be, too.” Nick said. He leaned toward her and kissed her one more time. Then he eased away. Grabbed onto the doorknob, as though it was a lifeline. “Just one more thing,” he said.

“What’s that?” she asked.

Nick grinned at her. “I’m predicting you’re not going to be sleeping in that small bedroom for very long. If at all. You’re going to be in that big bed in my room. And that’s a promise.”

He leaned toward her and kissed her one last time, then he disappeared out the door. Celia listened to his feet running down the stairs, then she pushed the curtain aside and watched him walk toward his apartment. Just before he rounded the corner, he turned and looked up to her apartment. Grinned when he saw her watching him. Then with a quick wave, he disappeared from sight.