Page 66

Here it came. Look what you did to my son, you bitch.

Bracing herself for the accusation, the blame, Vanessa held her breath.

She’d fractured Santino’s heart in so many places.

And yes, she was the reason he’d been in that house when the world had turned to flame, and he’d had to hurt someone to get her out of it.

“Tino... Tino was my last baby, so yes, I was even more overprotective of him than the others. He was mine, and then he was yours. I want him whole again. When he was with you, he was happy. Is there any way, at all, even after everything that’s happened, that you could see it in yourself to reach out to him?

” The question seemed to drag itself out of Lina’s mouth, but there was sincerity in her eyes.

Quickly, she added, “I’m not just asking you to do it for my own selfish reasons, although I realize that must be what it sounds like.

I’m asking because I love my son, and he loves you.

Nothing has changed for him since the day he came home and told us he’d met the woman he was going to marry.

Your mother says it’s the same for you.”

“My mother said what about me?” Vanessa’s head was spinning and not because of the residual headache from the incident. “How long have you been talking to my mother?”

“When we heard what happened, I called her. We got to talking about you and Santino, and how unhappy you’ve both been since you got back from that trip.

We talked about how, maybe, neither of us were as supportive of your marriage and your choices the way we should’ve been.

We hope that if you two get back together, that we have another chance to do better.

Maybe you and I…maybe you and I could do better as mother and daughter-in-law. ”

Before she answered, Vanessa turned away.

Her heart was galloping as a deep hot flush radiated upward from her belly to her chest. For Lina to be one of the few people who’d been firmly and openly against her being with Santino to ask this of her wasn’t the fairytale hug-it-out moment she’d once hoped for. This was curiously enraging .

“Not as supportive,” she mused with a twisted grin. “I think calling someone a gold digger and claiming they were taking advantage of your ‘child’ who was too young and too whipped to know better was definitely not supportive.”

“If you were in my position, what would you think?” Lina retorted, another hint of her old stubbornness showing. “I know I was overprotective, but I had my reasons, and they had nothing to do with you as a person. If you —”

“Lina, I got fired from my job,” Vanessa cut in.

She only hoped she was doing a decent job keeping her voice even, despite the quivering of her lips at holding back the full force of her emotions.

“I don’t even know if I’ll get to keep my license to practice.

I was attacked in my own home. My house was burned down.

I’m kinda at one of the lowest points of my life and now you think it’s a great time for me to go beg Santino to take me back?

Why? So, another six years from now, you can forget this conversation ever happened and say I only wanted to reconcile because I was at rock bottom and needed someone to pull me out of a hole? No. Uh-uh.” She laughed bitterly.

“I’m sorry.” Lina’s words stopped that laughter, filtered through the haze of anguish that had been about to take over.

“I apologize for ever believing that about you, much less saying it. Just please, whatever it is that’s holding you back, get over it, before you both spend the next six years unhappy.

Or the next twelve years. Or the rest of your lives. ”

Lina’s eyes spit blue fire despite the liquid now swimming in them. She only broke eye contact to stand up.

She bent and kissed Vanessa on the cheek. Whispered, “You’re running out of time.” Then left the room.

When Vanessa was released from the hospital a day later, they were suddenly in the thick of what used to be called the Dog Days of Summer.

It was hotter than a nightclub in Hades, with a blanket of humidity that draped low and heavy over everything the sun touched.

Despite that, the early evening was blessedly cooler under the shelter of the porch where Vanessa was attempting to read a book while Everly played and explored on a mat in front of her.

Attempting, but failing, as she was still tired easily and her thoughts kept drifting to a certain address miles away in Bronxville where a certain superhero dwelled in his lair. But for how much longer?

Vanessa looked down the street at each car as it appeared.

She recognized most of the drivers. None of them were Santino.

But she looked. Waited. And shook off disappointment when they passed by and he didn’t materialize.

He’d dropped off the lockbox with her documents while she was still in the hospital, so he didn’t really need to come around for anything else.

She tried distracting herself from the fresh tide of hurt and regret by going back to her book.

Nadine was inside, retrieving some lavender lemonade that she’d made. They’d eaten dinner not too long ago and a cool, refreshing drink would be just what the in-house doctor ordered, that doctor being Bobby. He was out on his after-dinner walk.

Everly crawled over and pulled herself up by clinging to Vanessa’s bare legs. “Hey, mama. Don’t tell me you have a gift for Auntie.”

Everly grinned. Her adorable two teeth melted Vanessa’s heart every time. Fortunately, after a diaper check, she had not come bearing gifts. She did want to be picked up and cuddled, so Vanessa obliged her, setting her book down on a small wood table and settling the almost-toddler on her lap.

“Okay, let’s do A-B-C’s so you can read this book to me ‘cause Auntie ain’t got no money to pay for audiobooks. I’m counting on you,” Vanessa said.

The little cutie giggled as if she understood the joke.

Vanessa took Everly’s hands, and they clapped out the letters together in the traditional song.

Never too early to get the basics down pat; those few years until preschool would fly by.

There was no pressure on this baby to get it perfectly, though.

Before her, the road was serene. There were no rose bushes here, but the yard was full of wildflowers, as were the other yards of the neighbors who were scattered along the road with generous space in between.

Their houses were coming to life as their owners, one by one, returned from their day away.

She enjoyed the moment when the distant lights inside those houses began to glow.

Even the heat couldn’t smother the sweet grass scent of the evening air as the fireflies in the bushes and on the lawns began to make their rounds.

If all she had to do in life was sit out here, taking in this calming view of domestic bliss with this little girl on her lap, she’d be content.

But true happiness? That seemed elusive, more so than ever. She couldn’t lie to herself. She hadn’t been happy since those idyllic days in Montreal when it had been her and Santino, learning about each other. Loving each other.

At last, Nadine came outside with the tall glasses full of ice and the purple-tinted sweet-and-tart beverages. Settling into the wicker chair on the other side of the table, Nadine handed Vanessa her glass and took a long sip of her own.

“Uh-oh. Everly’s mad you didn’t bring her some,” Vanessa said when Everly looked at Nadine’s hands as if wondering why there wasn’t a third.

She growled at her grandmother, furrowing her little eyebrows, and then grabbed at Vanessa’s glass, nearly spilling some as she bent her face into it and licked the surface. “Okay, okay, have some!”

Everly took her fill with Vanessa’s help, smacking her lips when she’d had enough.

“It might be bathtime soon. She looks sleepy,” Nadine said.

Bobby chose that moment to return home from his walk.

He was on a leave of absence from work so he could rest his head and the healing burn on his hand, take stock and care for Everly.

The strain of what had happened with Zoe and the fire had taken its toll, but he seemed more at peace than he had in a while.

“My babygirl is still up? What are you doing up?” he asked, climbing the steps.

He took Everly and swung her lightly into the air to make her laugh, then kissed her cheek, nestling her close despite the sweaty shirt he wore.

Everly didn’t care. The contentment on her face at being held by her dad was everything.

That tugged hard at Vanessa’s heart. Right now, Bobby was the only true parent Everly had for the foreseeable future.

Zoe was in a facility upstate. It had been Vanessa’s decision to tell the fire investigator and the county prosecutor that the fire was wholly set by the man who’d attacked them, not mentioning Antoinette had been there at all. Like Bobby had told them, they were all family there.

Now Vanessa could see so clearly what had been right in front of her all along.

Zoe’s obsession had only been peripherally about Santino and ultimately, not even about Vanessa herself.

The woman she’d thought of as perfect had been struggling with deeper problems than any of them had understood, things that had gone back years before they’d met.

Undiagnosed post-partum, leaving her job, and a profound sense of isolation all pushed her over the edge.

It might be a while before she could come home, and a lot would be different when she did. For Bobby, the marriage was over.

Despite that, the facility was a beautiful, tranquil place where Zoe could rest and heal, as Bobby needed rest and healing. Being here with Everly and a much softer Nadine was helping Vanessa too, even if everything else in her life was up in the air.

“Ow,” Nadine said with a sudden sharp slap on her arm. “These mosquitoes. I’m gonna go in. Good night.” She kissed Bobby, Vanessa and her granddaughter, fanning herself with her hand on her way to the carriage house.

Vanessa hadn’t wanted to discuss anything Santino-related in front of their mother. Now, with Nadine gone, she looked at Bobby and raised an eyebrow. “Guess who came to see me at the hospital yesterday?”

Bobby didn’t bat an eye. “Santino’s mother. I know. I saw her in the hallway. What did she say?”

Vanessa smirked and shook her head, watching him kiss and cuddle his daughter.

“She told me Santino’s leaving town. She wanted me to go snatch him up and somehow convince him to stay,” Vanessa murmured, clasping her hands together on her lap. “I might have said some thangs.”

“That’s okay. You know what season we’re in, Van.”

“The season of honesty,” Vanessa sighed. “I wish I could just move on to the season where I change my name and don’t know nobody.”

“That one comes after New Year’s.” Bobby pushed her head the way he used to when he was twelve. “Maybe you should listen to her for a change, Fivehead.”

Vanessa blinked at his statement. “Listen to her? I don’t think Santino even wants to be together anymore and even if he did, what about you guys?”

“What about us?” Bobby asked.

“We don’t know how long Zoe will be out of commission. You need me here, to help you with Everly.”

He shook his head with a brisk sigh. “Van, no. You’ve already spent years taking care of me.

Of course, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you want, but I can handle this.

And Lady Marmalade will help pick up the slack.

Go.” Then he gave her another one of his classic easy grins, like the old Bobby.

“Now contemplate your life while I take a shower. Since you are here right now, the next diaper change is on you.”

Depositing Everly back on her lap, he went inside.

Vanessa sat pondering Lina’s orders and Bobby’s advice.

Then she took Everly to give her her bath and settle her into bed.

Down the hall, she took her own shower in the en suite guest bathroom to wash off the film of sweat.

What didn’t wash off so easily was the heaviness of what Lina had put on her.

Suddenly exhausted, she didn’t bother moisturizing, and let the twists remain free. Sliding into bed, sleep still eluded her despite the tiredness. It refused to offer her refuge from the image of Santino’s face and what he might say or do if she were to try to see him or call him.

If she did try to contact him, would he see it as emotional game playing or trauma bonding or something else?

She turned to seek out Auntie Belle’s photo on the nightstand without thinking, only to remember with that little soul-crushing sensation that it wasn’t there.

It was one of the many things she’d lost in that fire.

What had been the purpose of those candles? When she’d lit them every night since returning to New York, she’d wished for clarity, for purpose. Freedom. All the things she’d lost had been things she ultimately hadn’t really wanted, if she were being honest with herself.

She didn’t want to make a name for herself career-wise as the lawyer who helped a monster like Claremore walk free to do more damage. If it hadn’t been Claremore, Mancini would have asked her to defend someone else just like him or worse.

That house? Yes, it had been her first home with her husband and there’d been a lot of loving there.

She did mourn the beautiful things she’d lost, not only that favorite photo of Belle, but her books, her stones.

The only one she had left was the rose quartz heart she’d bought at Marcie’s shop in Montreal and had been carrying in the pocket of her shorts, keeping its energy close.

Otherwise, the house had also been witness to some of the hardest moments of her life. She couldn’t have stayed there even if it had remained intact. It was a tribute to death, a mausoleum filled with everything she no longer wanted or needed to keep.

Pride. Shame. Guilt. Her secret belief that she’d never be enough. She couldn’t keep carrying those either, but the flames couldn’t burn them away entirely. They were burrowed too deeply at her core. Giving them up was a decision she’d have to make. She’d have to make it right now.

Suddenly, she knew without having to rely on anyone else’s wisdom or warnings what she wanted, what she truly needed.

It was Santino. The man who’d wanted her from Day One, who’d loved her, fought for her, accepted she was doing her best and still wanted her even after she’d showed him her worst. There had never been anyone else for her and never would be. It was Santino.

Only and always, Santino.