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I do what he says even though I don’t want to. I don’t deserve that. His kindness in the wake of my idiocy.

“You good?” I nod as he lets go of my wrists. “That’s not even remotely close to what I was trying to say, Calix. How did you come to that conclusion?”

I just shrug.

He knows I’m dumb, I don’t need to spell it out for him.

“I just meant that someone like me, with my kind of temperament and flaws, I don’t handle my feelings well.

It’s even worse when I don’t get what I want.

” I open my mouth to start taking the blame again but I almost choke on the words when he cups my cheeks and forces me to look at him.

“I turn into an asshole when that happens.”

“Okay…”

He chuckles as his fingers slide along my jaw until they’re toying with the hair at the nape of my neck. “I got my omegas, Calix. I got my alpha.” Korvin searches my eyes for a moment then smiles a full genuine smile. “I’ve got my beta.”

My brow furrows as my heart starts slamming into my chest. “Who…”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“I’m not acting like anything.” No one has ever claimed me before and I’m struggling with what he could be implying. That’s what I’m doing.

“You’re my beta, Calix. You. You are mine.

” His eyes drop to where I’m chewing on my lower lip as Korvin’s tongue darts out and wets his.

“You’re mine, and I really want to make that ironclad because it’s eating at me knowing it’s not.

It’s eating at you, too, I can see that.

The only thing keeping me from losing my shit is knowing that even if I can’t touch them or be close to them, those three are mine.

They have my mark. I’m still crabby and irritable, but nothing is going to change who they belong to.

I need that with you, I need to feel whole.

It’s the only thing that’s going to take the edge off.

I can’t say I’ll be less of a dick, but it’ll help, and I can figure everything else out later. ”

I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly dry. My head is spinning. He can’t be serious, can he?

There’s no way.

“I’m dead serious, Calix.” My eyebrows shoot up and he smirks. “I can see the doubt and disbelief written all over your face.”

“Well, yeah. Most people don’t like me, for no reason other than because I exist. I’ve never had anyone be happy about it. I mean, if you are happy. I assumed, with what you were saying, but I guess maybe you don’t have to be happy about it but… I’m going to shut up now.”

Korvin nods, his fingers still toying with my hair. “I have to ask you a couple of questions because I need to know where your head is at, okay?”

“Sure.”

“And I’m not asking for any reason other than that. Not because I need anything to happen, not if you don’t want it or aren’t ready. I just need to know for my own peace of mind.”

“Okay, sure.”

His hands move to either side of my neck, his thumbs sliding back and forth over my erratic pulse. “Do you feel the same way? Do you feel our bond?”

I think for a minute, running back through the last few months in my mind and I guess I should have realized it sooner.

Not that anyone has ever explained bonds and packs to me, but I knew Korvin was different.

How I feel about him is different. I just didn’t know what to call it.

He makes me feel safe. I feel seen when Korvin looks at me.

I feel less worthless and like maybe I’m not a complete waste of space.

He makes me forget all of the horrible shit that happened before he came here.

I want to be better, to do good things because of the way he makes me feel.

Korvin makes me feel like a human being. A bond between us makes sense.

So, I nod. “I do. I, I didn’t know that’s what it was but I do feel it.”

“Good,” he says as his eyes drop to my lips again. “Have you ever been kissed before, Calix?”

I have, but I don’t want to tell him that.

Those kisses, they don’t count. They weren’t what a kiss is supposed to be.

I know that much. Mothers aren’t supposed to kiss their sons that way, and it isn’t something someone should force on you no matter how old you are.

A kiss isn’t something someone should take from you, it should be given because you want to give it away.

Not because you don’t have a choice. It shouldn’t be disgusting.

A kiss shouldn’t make you feel wrong.

I don’t want to talk about that.

“Not the way you’re asking.”

“Can I do that? Kiss you the way I’m asking?”

“You really want to?” I ask, my voice full of doubt that I have to quickly hide. “I mean, if you want to then yes, you can kiss me that way.”

“You’re sure?”

I nod and lick my lips. “I’m sure.”

Korvin cups my cheeks again, smiling softly as he dips his chin and brushes his lips over mine.

His body tenses and he growls low in his throat as I grab the front of his tank top and even though it makes me flinch, I know it's not a bad thing. Not when Korvin does it. It’s a really good thing, I think, and it means he’s holding back.

The fact that he’s trying to do that for me puts me at ease.

He inhales deeply, rubbing his nose against my cheek before he presses his lips to mine again, a little firmer this time. It’s soft and sweet, even as he tilts my head, turning it into a gentle open mouth kiss that makes me wish this was my first one.

He tastes sweet.

“It is very hard not to do that the way my instincts are telling me to.” Korvin smiles as he kisses me again, a bit more pressure but much quicker before he lifts his head and looks me in the eye. “One more question, sweetheart.”

“Okay.”

“Before I ask it, I need you to know my reaction isn’t because of you. It’s not because you’ve done anything wrong, or because I’m upset with you in any way.”

I eye him skeptically and nod slowly.

That makes me a little nervous.

The only reason I’m not freaking out about what he said, why I’m not losing my mind over what he might want to ask me is because he’s still touching me.

Korvin’s hands on my neck, thumbs still smoothing over my pulse. How his hands are rough but comforting. There is no demand or expectation from his touch. It’s genuine. It’s soothing.

He’s doing it because he wants to.

Still, the fact that he has to give me a warning makes me uneasy.

I don’t want to say something that would make him stop looking at me the way he does, or wanting to touch me like this. I don’t want Korvin to send me away.

“I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to this,” he says as he takes a deep breath, kisses me, then lets go and moves one step back. “It’s important to get confirmation because of what it means to bond, because of how that happens.”

My heart starts racing again, my nerves turning into panic as Korvin puts a little more distance between us.

I was okay, I didn’t feel like this was going to end badly but now I’m not so sure.

His eyes close for a second as Korvin takes a few deep breaths, like he’s trying to calm himself down already. “God, I don’t even know how to ask you this.”

“Just ask,” I blurt as I start wringing my hands. “It won’t hurt anything to do that.” I don’t think so anyway.

He nods as his eyes flip open, a storm raging in his light gray irises. “Have you ever been with someone because you wanted to be with them?”

My brow furrows. “No one ever wants to be with me so how could I be with someone if I wanted to?”

“No, sweetheart.” Korvin gives me a small smile as he shakes his head. “While I think that’s fucking bullshit, it’s not what I’m asking.”

Well, here’s my stupidity coming into play again. I have no clue what the hell he’s asking.

Something he must read on my face judging by the look on his.

“I mean, have you ever been with someone ? In that way. Because you chose to be with them. Not because they,” he says as he swallows down another growl. “Not because they forced you.”

Oh.

Oh, I see. “You mean sex.”

“Yeah,” Korvin grunts.

“No,” I say with a shrug but I think that was the wrong answer because he doesn’t seem to like hearing it.

I’m being honest.

I never wanted to be with any of those people but there have been so many over the years that it became somewhat of a normal thing for me.

From my earliest memories up until they moved me to Ward B a few years ago.

That’s when it finally stopped but before that, it just happened and I dealt with it.

I took that pain and gave it to someone else, then I moved on until the next time.

Korvin’s hands ball into fists at his sides, his jaw clenches so hard I can see the muscles ticking along the entire thing. His chest starts heaving and just when I think he is actually upset with me, he shakes his head.

“Not you, Calix.” Korvin tries to control his breathing, tries to school his entire demeanor. “I’m angry because that happened to you, but I’m not angry with you.”

I gnaw my lower lip and scratch at my scar. “It’s fine.”

“No. No, sweetheart, it’s not fine.”

I shrug a shoulder and look away. “I got used to it.” I can tell he’s somehow even more tense than before and I flinch.

“Hasn’t happened in quite a while but I can see where someone might not like that.

I mean, I didn’t like it either, but I can see where someone might not like me because of it. It’s okay if you don’t.”

“Calix,” Korvin says as he blows out a breath. “Sweetheart, don’t you get it?”

I shrug again but don’t answer him.

If I say what I’m thinking and it’s wrong, he might get frustrated with me. If I say it and it’s right, doesn’t that mean he’s going to be frustrated anyway? He wasn’t joking about this shit being complicated or complex. For someone like me it’s basically rocket science or brain surgery.

“You doubt yourself way too fucking much.” I glance at Korvin, his stare fixed on me as he speaks. “You are so much smarter than you think, so much more deserving of happiness than you realize.”

“Yeah, okay,” I snort then quickly straighten up. “Sorry.”