Page 39

FOURTEEN

GOOD BOY

CALIX

C hewing my lip, I watch Vin like a hawk as he runs on the treadmill, each stomp of his sneaker on the belt angrier than the last.

He’s normally pretty stone faced but he doesn’t necessarily scowl all the time.

There’s always an edge to him, something sharp and unsettling. When he walks into a room, his energy fills it. Lately that energy is so heavy, it’s weighted and pressing down on me. It almost hurts.

It’s getting worse, too.

I don’t know what I did wrong.

He says it’s not me, that I didn’t do anything at all but ever since I played lookout for him, Korvin has been tense and his mood has been sour.

Granted, it’s only been a couple of days but still.

Whatever happened, or didn’t happen, had some kind of switch flipping in him, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get it to switch back.

I don’t know how to make it better.

I don’t talk to anyone else to figure out how, either.

Des tries to talk to me.

I like him, I think there’s a chance we could be friends, but he’s Korvin’s. The only time I feel okay about talking to him is when Korvin is there, that way he knows I’m not trying to take him away.

I would never do that.

I could never do that. I just want Korvin to have what he wants, for him to be happy here. Maybe if he stays happy, he’ll keep me around.

That’s all I want.

To be near Korvin.

He’s the first person to ever give me the time of day, to treat me like a human being and not some lowly beta bitch like Nurse Jones says I am . He’s the first alpha I’ve spoken to without him speaking first. The first one who didn’t want to hurt me.

The only alpha I’ve met who didn’t want to use me.

I knew he was different, though.

I’m not sure how but I felt it in my gut that he wasn’t going to be like the rest.

Even when I heard about why he’s here, what he did to get locked up in the first place.

I heard what everyone did.

I wasn’t supposed to hear but I was pacing the halls and couldn’t help it.

The doctors were in their office, going over our files right before we started therapy.

They said a lot of things about us, nice things before they even knew us, and they questioned why we were all here.

Everything made sense to me; why the other alphas got locked up.

Spree or serial killers, mass murderers in some cases like mine.

Every crime they listed made sense, even Des’s spree where he was listening to the voices in his head telling him to find and kill members of the Chicago Rippers for two years before he was caught.

There was only one thing that didn’t sound right to me.

I heard them say Korvin killed a pregnant lady and her kids at a barbecue.

I’d only seen him maybe a handful of times at that point, and I knew that wasn’t true.

We all earned our places here, I couldn’t argue that if I wanted to, but none of us kill kids. I’ve been around guys who hurt kids, more than anyone else in this building, I’d bet, and they’re different from us up here on Ward C.

Guys like us, even with urges and impulses that aren’t normal, or tempers that can’t be controlled, we have a weird unspoken code we follow. I think I heard a guard say it’s like honor amongst thieves or something.

But I know better, anyway.

Someone who hurts kids would hurt me, and even though none of the other residents don’t want to do that, they don’t look at me like a human being, and that’s what makes Korvin different.

And he’s done nothing but prove that multiple times over, and I just want to make him happy because of it.

I wring my hands as I watch him run, the way he moves like a well oiled machine. Dangerous and beautiful.

Maybe that’s it.

I’m not beautiful, not like him or Des. I don’t even come close to them and I know Dr. Reynolds or Dr. Lowe are on an entirely different level than everyone else.

They’re smart, too.

I’m not. I grew up here, I didn’t go to school. Even before, when I lived with my parents, they didn’t send me to school. That’s how people figured out there were problems at home. Not in time. They were too late to save them or anyone else.

They were way too late to save me.

Then I came here and instead of being relieved or grateful to be somewhere I could finally breathe, I was lost. Lost and alone, with a huge fucking target on my back.

So, I kept doing what I’d learned to do.

I let people hurt me, and I’d turn around and give that pain to someone else.

That’s the only kind of smarts I have.

I can hurt people before they even know they’re in danger.

Korvin doesn't need that. He’s smart and strong, he’s beautiful.

Just like the others.

He wants them.

They belong to Korvin.

I’m nothing like them, and just because he’s nice to me doesn’t mean anything other than maybe he feels sorry for me. But that’s enough for me because I just want to be close to him. If I keep him happy, he might let me stay that way.

But I don’t know what I did to upset him.

Korvin looks in my direction, those gray eyes breaking from the common area as they shift to me and I drop my gaze.

It’s a lot to look directly at him. It’s a lot to make eye contact with Korvin or Des.

I actually have a really hard time with that anyway but guys like them make it even harder.

I start scratching at the scar on my wrist, one of the biggest ones I have, as I toe the cracks in the title floor.

“Calix,” Korvin grunts, and I freeze.

Whenever he says my name, my stomach twists in knots. The good kind of knots, I think, but that’s what happens.

“I told you I wasn’t upset with you.”

I nod and go back to itching.

He’s said it several times but I’m struggling to believe it. If I didn’t do anything wrong, why is Korvin so mad?

There's no reason for him to be upset with anyone else, even if things haven’t played out the way he wants. He wouldn’t get upset with them.

He doesn’t talk to the other alphas, or any of the staff unless he has to. I doubt he gives enough of a shit about them to be anything other than indifferent.

That just leaves me.

“Let’s go.”

My head jerks up and I blink repeatedly as Korvin walks by me with purpose in his steps. I didn’t even hear him stop the treadmill.

“Sure.” I hurry to catch up, not wanting to leave him waiting or miss my chance to talk to him.

I need to or else I’m going to drive myself crazy over this.

He pulls the storage closet door open and stops, watching me closely until I’m inside and as soon as he shuts it, the words rush out of me in a jumbled mess.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did, and I know you keep saying I didn’t do anything but you’re mad or upset or something and I’m the only person it makes sense for you to be upset with.

” I spin around, picking at my scar while I start to pace.

“I just want to know what I did so I can fix it. I don’t want you to be upset with me, I’m not sure I can handle much more of it.

I don’t like feeling this way, like I disappointed you or whatever and I?—“

“Calix,” Korvin says softly as he takes a few steps toward me. “Stop.”

“Moving? Or talking?” I swallow hard. “How about I just do both.”

His lips curl into a small grin as he shakes his head. “That works.”

Blowing out a breath, I turn so I’m facing him even if I’m not looking at him, trying like hell to keep myself still when I’m full of nervous energy. I can feel him looking at me, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. Watching. Waiting. Plotting when the moment is right.

I will crumble if Korvin confirms he’s upset with me. I’ll fall apart and I have no idea what’ll happen after that.

“You’ve never been in love, have you?”

My head jerks up and my eyes go wide before I frown in confusion. I’m even more lost than I was before.

“Not even had a crush or anything since you’ve been in here?”

“ No…” Considering everyone I’ve come into contact with before him has wanted to kick my ass or do something far worse to it, there wasn’t a lot of room for crushing on anyone.

Survival mode kind of gets in the way of that.

Korvin nods and leans against the wall next to me.

“I hadn’t either, not before I came here.

When it hits, you don’t really have a choice.

It’s pack up or be miserable. But.” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his chest before he scratches his chin.

“It’s a complicated thing, a complex emotion I’m really not programmed to handle.

Being in this environment probably makes it worse. ”

That kind of makes sense. Again, I’m not the smartest person in the room at any given time, might even be the stupidest all the time, but I can sort of see what he’s saying.

“It’s hard when you can’t be with the people you love the way you want to, especially when they’re right in front of you.”

Oh no.

Oh god, now I get it.

Korvin’s been mad because I failed.

The other day, when he and Des asked me to keep an eye out so they could talk to their omegas. I thought they were going to mate, that they were going to pack up like he said but they must not have. They didn’t get the chance and it’s all my fault.

Now he’s angry with me because of that but I’m so dumb he feels like he has to break it down in a way he thinks I’ll understand.

But I do.

“I understand,” I say, my voice small, almost as if it’s stuck in my throat. “I get it.”

“Do you?”

I nod. “I fucked it up for you. You’re saying that it’s my fault you can’t be with them, my fault you didn’t get to”—I chew my lip and look away—“there wasn’t any packing up and now you’re miserable. And it’s because of me.”

“Calix—“

“I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll keep to myself, I’ll stay out of your way. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin everything.”

“Calix, listen to?—“

“So stupid.” I lift my hands to my hair and dig my fingers in, pulling at the roots then I ball them into fists but before I can punish myself the way I deserve, Korvin stops me.

“Take a breath,” he says as he gently pulls my hands down to my sides. “Take a couple then listen.”