Page 96

Nate

D ickey’s Bar had a different atmosphere to it this time.

Though, maybe that was my change of perspective since my last visit.

When I’d first stepped in here to meet Ollie a few weeks ago, I was a completely different person.

Not only had I been sullen and distant, but I’d truly been a different person.

In a few short hours, I’d gone from a bad boy who’d been tossed out on his ass by shithead parents in the cold and grew up in foster hell to a person whose parents had died in a tragic car crash.

I hadn’t been turned out to fend for myself.

I’d had real parents who had probably loved and cared for me.

It made the loss a lot harder to accept.

Now, with all that running through my mind, I sat staring into the glass at my whiskey, wondering how to make the two halves of myself become one.

The old me, and the new me. The old me, who rode into towns on his bike, did some work, took some women to bed, and then bolted.

The guy who hadn’t taken shit from anyone and had never really cared to get close to people.

That person was the polar opposite of what I’d become.

A man who actually wanted to join a pack and follow an alpha.

A man who was rapidly falling for—who was bonded to—a woman he’d just met.

I no longer understood my past. It was a hard thing to come to terms with. I would need a lot more alcohol before I was done.

“Hey there, handsome,” a voice said from behind me. “Long time, no see.”

I winced, recognizing the voice. Monica.

The server I’d met here all those weeks ago.

I’d saved her from that douchebag shifter who’d been making trouble.

The last time I’d heard her voice was when I’d dropped her off at her apartment and she’d tried to entice me to go up and have a little fun.

I’d come really close to taking her up on the offer.

I’d declined, but it had been a tough decision.

Who was that guy who could contemplate doing that with someone when he barely knew them? Had that really been my life? After meeting Cameron, things had drastically changed.

Plastering a fake smile to my lips, I turned to greet her. “Fancy meeting you here,” I said with as much joviality as I could muster.

Monica ran her finger down my arm, and I had to fight not to flinch away. “You never called,” she said with a bit of a pout. “When I gave you my number, I thought I might hear from you soon.”

“Uh, I had to head out of town for a bit. Sorry.”

She tilted her head to the side. Her tongue darted out, and she wet her lower lip. “You can make it up to me if you want. I get off at midnight.”

“I… uh… you see?—”

“He’s taken, I’m afraid,” Ollie said, slapping a hand on my shoulder. “Got a business deal he’s handling. Maybe next time, honey.”

My jaw fell open as I turned to stare at Ollie. Where the fuck had he come from? I wasn’t upset—I needed the save—but I was surprised. I’d anticipated drinking alone until final call, then stumbling to the nearest hotel.

“Oh.” Monica’s lower lip jutted out as she frowned. “Sure. I get it. Maybe next time?”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I simply lifted my glass toward her as if toasting, gave her a nod, and followed Ollie to a different table.

Monica looked a bit hurt and disappointed.

Normally, I’d have felt bad about hurting her feelings.

Right now, I only felt bad about actually giving her any hope to begin with.

That feeling alone was a strange experience.

Thankfully, she was too busy to do more than give me a sad little wave before going back to work.

“Isn’t that the hot little number you vanished with the night you got into town?” Ollie said as he took his seat.

“We aren’t talking about me,” I snapped. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Ollie smiled sarcastically. “This is my home bar, bro. I come here all the time.”

Huh, I hadn’t really considered that. This was his town, not mine. He’d suggested this place when he’d called me in to help with the shifter killings.

“Sorry,” I grumbled. “I’m not in the best mood.”

“I can tell.” Ollie took a sip of his beer. “What’s up?”

“Can we just hang for a minute?” I asked, unable to meet his eyes. “I need some quiet, but I don’t want it alone.”

“Sure thing, my man,” Ollie responded.

For the next ten minutes, we sat in companionable silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was welcoming and warm, which was exactly what I needed. No pretense, no need to speak. It was the kind of silence only two friends could enjoy together.

When my drink was done, I slid the glass away and sat up straight, trying to think of where to begin.

Part of the issue was that my entire worldview had been turned on its head.

How did you recalibrate this late in the game?

Over the last couple decades, I’d used that story of being abandoned as a shield.

It had gone hand in hand with the bad-boy persona I’d cultivated for myself.

Only now did I realize what a crock of shit that had all been.

An act to deflect the pain I felt inside.

Those issues had snowballed until I could barely see who the real Nate was.

Taking the abandonment of my parents as a symbol, I’d eschewed all connections.

Every time Ollie had offered to bring me into the pack, I’d declined.

It all stemmed from me thinking I wasn’t worthy of acceptance.

Looking back, I wondered how different my life would have been had the car accident not happened.

Had my whole life been wasted on a lie I’d told myself?

Had I kept my distance from everyone simply because I’d chosen to believe the worst?

“Are we gonna be quiet all night?” Ollie finally asked. “Or are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?”

“Oh, nothing,” I said with an exaggerated exuberance.

“I’m pretty sure I’m falling for Cameron, we’ve been running for our lives for days, I had someone almost blow my fucking brains out in Detroit—oh!

And I forgot to mention I found out my parents never abandoned me and that they died when their car went off a bridge.

I think that’s about it.” I snapped my fingers and grimaced.

“Wait, that’s not all. Cameron told me the truth about my parents, and I acted like a fucking dumbass. That’s all.”

Ollie stared at me, his mouth moving soundlessly like a fish’s. Then, he blinked. “I’m sorry, but what the fuck?”

“You heard me.”

“I heard you, I can’t comprehend what you said, though. Are you serious?”

Nodding, I waved my empty glass at the passing server. “Yeah. Pretty eventful few days,” I growled.

“Start with Cameron,” Ollie said. “You think you’ve fallen for her?”

“Think so. Fully bonded. Like I said, though, things didn’t go well at the bridge.”

“What did you do? Yell at her?” Ollie asked as the server sat my drink down.

“That would have been better,” I said with a sigh. “I sort of shut down. Emotionally, I mean. It was hard to process.”

“Well, is she right? About your parents?”

“The timing lines up perfectly. The location, the time of year, the age I was, all of it.”

“Shit, Nate. Wouldn’t child services have put that together? Tried to find your next of kin?”

“Doubtful. I was young, but I still remember what a shit show that place was. Fuck, I’m surprised they didn’t fully lose track of me in the system.

The poor lady overseeing my case was overworked as all hell.

Even a child could see she was stretched thin.

” I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter now, though. What matters is today.”

“You were a douche. Big deal.” Ollie shrugged. “We’re guys. We’re known to be douches sometimes. Apologize to her and move on from there.”

“Move on where ?” I banged my fist on the table, making my drink slosh up against the lip of the glass.

“ Here ,” Ollie said, looking at me like I’d lost my mind. “The Toronto pack. JC told me you’d asked about joining.” He grinned. “That’s fucking great, man. I’ve been telling you to join up for years now.”

“And what if they don’t let me in?” I asked. “I know what JC said, and how much power he has, but there’s still the chance the elders and whoever else has a say could deny me. I’m a lone wolf, Ollie. You know the stigma.”

Ollie nodded sagely and downed the rest of his beer. “This is actually about Cameron, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I hated how miserable and pathetic I sounded. “If they don’t let me in, then I’m nothing but a lone wolf forever. I can’t be with her, then. That’s not a life she could or should have to live. I’ll have to leave her behind to get on with her future, and that’s going to break her heart.”

Ollie ran a hand across his face and let out a long, slow breath before responding.

“Nate, I think you’re overthinking this. You haven’t had much experience with this kind of situation, so I guess that’s to be expected.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I demanded.

“Calm down,” he said. “What I mean is that relationships are complicated. It’s more difficult than a one-night stand. If you’re being honest with yourself about how you feel for Cameron, and she feels the same way, then give it some time. Let it all sink in, then go from there.”

“How long, though? How much time? I’m dogshit at this, Ollie.”

“If everyone who was bad at something gave up, the world would be a pretty awful place. Besides, this isn’t rocket science—this is simpler than that. Sleep it off. Once you and Cameron have a night to rest and recover, then you can take a look at this from a different perspective.”

“That sounds like an answer a father would give their son,” I responded bitterly.

“What can I say,” Ollie quipped, leaning over and putting a hand on my arm. “My little boy is growing up.”

I yanked my hand away and laughed. “Oh, fuck off.”