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“It’s funny,” I said. “I always liked the outdoors.

Anytime I could watch a survival type of show on TV, it had my full attention.

I saw that old movie with Tom Hanks once.

Castaway ? Everyone was like, ‘Oh, that poor man, all alone on the island,’ but all I could think of was that it looked like paradise to me.

No one to fuck with me, no one to treat me like shit, no one to beat me.

Just me and nature. It sounded like heaven on earth.

“I spent a few days bouncing around on the streets until I came up with an idea. I went to a local library and stole a book on wilderness survival—edible plants, building shelters, shit like that, you know?” I stroked her arm idly as I continued.

“Then I broke into a camping supply store. I stole a tent, a hiking backpack, freeze-dried food, and other essentials like bandages and antiseptic ointment. That time, I made sure to get the fuck out fast. From that day on, I lived like a wandering hermit. I set up camp in abandoned warehouses, parks, woodlands—anywhere that wasn’t already taken by the homeless or animals. ”

“Good God, Nate,” Cameron said in a hushed voice, tracing my tattoos. “How long did you live like that? It sounds like hell.”

“It wasn’t a great time. I was basically a child vagrant.

I managed to forage for a lot of stuff, but I’d venture into cities and towns every now and then.

You’d be shocked by what grocery stores and restaurants throw out.

Totally fine food, but it might have some bruises or rotten parts.

The things I really had to watch out for were the cops and unsavory men.

You probably can get the picture. Certain types of men see a young boy with no home, no family, living on the streets, and they think it’s easy pickings to satisfy their urges.

Never got caught, but there were a few close calls. ”

She clamped her hand around my wrist, squeezing tight as I continued.

“During those years, I tried to face my fears…” I paused.

It was strange telling this story. I’d never told anyone every detail.

Even the few people I considered friends, like Ollie, only knew bits and pieces.

With Cameron, though, I wanted to spill my guts, lay everything on the table for the first time in my life.

There was a weird catharsis to it, and I didn’t know if I could stop now even if I wanted to.

“Are you okay? You don’t have to keep going,” she said.

“I was just thinking. Anyway, I mentioned I was afraid of dogs after that first night?”

“You did.”

“Well, I decided to do something about it. Being scared hadn’t stopped any of the bad shit from happening, so why be scared of dogs and wolves?

Whenever I noticed signs of coyotes or wolves, I set up camp near them on purpose .

If I was scavenging in town and came across a feral dog or something, I stared them down, almost daring them to attack.

It was scary as shit the first few times, but eventually, I got over the fear and came to like them.

It was probably my subconscious understanding I had more in common with them than with all the humans I’d lived with. ”

I twirled one of her curls around my finger and watched the dancing flames for a moment.

“Fast forward to when I was seventeen. I was camping in a pretty remote area outside Quebec City. Maybe an hour’s drive to town.

Thank God for that. I’d been feeling sort of weird for a week or two, and that night, after I ate some roasted squirrel, I shifted for the first time.

It was agony. Terrifying. I thought I’d gone insane. ”

“I can’t imagine what it would have been like for me if you hadn’t been there,” Cameron said, horror and awe in her voice. “I had some idea what was coming, and I still thought I was dying.”

I sighed. “Yeah. I ended up stuck as my wolf for almost twelve hours before I managed to really calm down and make contact with that part of me. For a few weeks, I stayed completely away from humanity as I explored my shifter side. I think living on my own helped me not to go mad. I didn’t know it until later, but in the past, when a shifter had their first shift as a lone, they went insane and killed themselves before they ever had time to become feral.

I think a lot of the time when people kill wolves that are acting weird or are where they shouldn’t be, they aren’t rabid but shifters like me, who have no clue what they were and can’t figure out how to change back. ”

Pausing for a minute, I thought back on my first shift.

I’d been so fucking terrified. Like Cameron, I’d truly thought I was dying.

A stroke, heart attack, seizure—I’d thought I was having them all at once.

The horror had only abated when I got through it and discovered I was a wolf.

Then I’d spent hours freaking out, trying to change back and wondering if I would be stuck that way.

I was glad I’d been with Cameron for her first shift. I never wanted anyone to go through it alone and terrified like I had.

“In my opinion,” I said, going on, “the reason I managed to keep my humanity when almost all other lone wolves don’t is because I never had anyone or anything to fall back on.

Other than some cursory check-ins, I don’t need a pack because I never had anything similar in my human life.

At least, that’s my theory.” I shook my head.

“My enhanced senses kicked in, and eventually, I could smell other shifters. After a few years, I learned more about the world of shifters. The laws, the rules, the pack hierarchies—all that. It didn’t take long for me to realize there was a stigma to being a lone wolf, so whenever anyone asked what pack I was part of, I’d say they were far off somewhere as a cover story.

Lone wolves are considered dangerous and crazy animals who are only one step away from madness.

That suited me fine, though. I bounced around all over.

“Eventually, word got out that a lone wolf had managed to stay sane and was a good tracker. I became a valuable mercenary. Not being part of a pack meant an alpha couldn’t control me, and I had no allegiances to anyone.

I move around a lot, taking jobs for packs from Alaska to Brazil and everywhere in between.

Hunting ferals, providing security, even private detective work—anything that needs to be done. That’s basically my story.”

“Wow,” Cameron said, and I grinned. She sounded impressed, which was surprising. I’d always considered it a kind of pathetic story.

“After everything I’ve lived through, I don’t believe unconditional love exists.

I think it’s a good fairy tale, but my parents made it clear that it wasn’t true.

If you can’t love your child enough to not kick him out on the side of the road in the middle of the night, then no one can really love anyone. ”

“My mom loves me, though,” Cameron said. “I love my brother. The three of us love each other. We’d die for one another.” She smiled to herself. “I don’t think your theory is true.”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “Having met you guys, I could see all three of you being someone a person could love. Maybe that’s what I should say. Some people aren’t worth love.”

Cameron laced her fingers with mine. We fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the music and staring into the flames.

“I kind of wish Ollie wasn’t coming tomorrow,” Cameron finally said.

“I emailed my boss to let him know I wouldn’t be coming in.

It would be nice to spend a few more days here with you.

Actually,” she added, “I guess we’ll be together a little longer.

You’ll be with me when Ollie takes me to meet the pack. ”

“Um.” I cleared my throat, trying to figure out how to say what I needed to say. “I won’t be going with you to meet JC.”

“Wait, what?” She twisted around to face me. “Why?”

“I’m a lone wolf. Ollie is the pack contact. I told you, I’m contracted through back channels. I’m not welcome around a full pack. I definitely won’t be allowed near an alpha. I pose too much of a threat. There’s always a chance I might lose it and attack. You and Ollie will be going alone.”

“I didn’t think about that,” Cameron said. “That’s such bullshit, though. You’re a good person, and you deserve to be around your own kind. It’s ridiculous.”

“I don’t care about seeing some alpha,” I scoffed. “Who cares.”

“It’s cruel. You’re one of them. I don’t like it. It makes me feel bad.”

“I don’t need pity.” I frowned and pulled away, the words coming out before I could stop them, those old emotions peeking through.

Cameron flinched. “I wasn’t pitying you. The way they treat you is shitty. I hoped you would be there to support me. It’s gonna be stressful.”

“Well, that’s not happening,” I said, trying to end the conversation there, but the statement came out harsher and more curt than I’d intended.

“So, you’re gonna hand me off to Ollie tomorrow like some sort of baggage you don’t want anymore? Will you disappear before I get back, too?”

I gaped at her, confused by her anger. Wasn’t this clear to her? I could never be a part of the life she was about to embark on. There was no place for me.

“I mean, I’m going to go hunt down the feral wolf, yeah. But after that, the plan is to move on.”

Cameron scoffed and pulled away. Throwing off the blanket, she stood. Before I realized what was happening, she was stomping back toward the cabin.

Shit.

I ran after her.

“Cameron, what’s the problem?” I asked as I came up beside her. “Why are you angry?”

“I can’t believe you’re even asking me that,” she hissed. “You just said that you’re going to vanish from my life tomorrow morning.”

“But…” I shook my head in confusion. “You always knew this was what would happen. Especially after my story. You had to know?—”