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Layla whispers to me, “this is well boring,” during the awards themselves, and admittedly, it does drag on listening to the presenters announce all the nominees for each award, and then having to clap, before the big drawn-out suspense to see who has won.

But, it’s all worth it to watch people actually win the awards.

I just love it! I always have, when we used to watch at home when I was little, Mam, Dad and I would bet on who we think would win and then afterwards I used to do a range of performances, each pretending to be someone different.

I’d get them to vote for who they thought should win and then take it a step further, clutching one of Mam’s vases, while Dad announced “and the winner is…” before standing in front of the sofa and giving a heart-felt, dramatically-fake speech.

I’d even then pretend to be the losers caught on camera, and either do polite clapping or storm off in a huff.

So I can’t believe this is for real. My head is swinging this way and that, as I like to watch the winner’s reaction on the big screens that are set up behind the presenter, so I can see what Mam and Dad see at home (and also, admittedly, see if I end up in any background shots) but also I want to see the stuff that isn’t shown on the telly.

At one point, I managed to catch a famous actress’ face when she learned she hadn’t won Drama Actress Of The Year and she really did display some drama.

I couldn’t hear what she was saying but she was turning to her boyfriend, scowling and swearing, then he tapped her to show that the camera was on her and she was suddenly all smiles and gracious claps!

I would have given her an award for that acting alone.

It’s also so nice to hear people’s speeches and really see, with my own two eyes, how much winning means to them.

I love hearing the speeches thanking their mam and dad and all their friends, and I couldn’t help but enter into a daydream as to who I’d thank if I were to win an award and what it would feel like to stand up, hugging everyone at my table (Mam and Dad first, obviously, then the girls, the production team, Damon, and maybe the inventors of fake tan).

I daydream so much that I end up not properly paying attention, and Madison has to poke me in the rib with her fork and loudly whisper, “look alive, they’re talking about us! ”

Sure enough, a trendy comedian is on stage saying how much reality TV has really taken off this year, in ways that no one could have expected, pulling in all different sorts of audiences and making national treasures out of the people on the shows.

Then, on the big screen, to this audience of celebrities and all the people watching at home, they play a montage featuring our escapades, alongside memorable moments from Born In Buckinghamshire and Carry on Chelmsford .

There I am, pulling a face as I apply my lashes.

Everyone’s laughing but kindly, like they’re laughing with me.

If I was Samantha, I wouldn’t be happy watching this, there’s so many shots of us but the montage music covers up most of Sam’s funniest lines.

But when I glance over at her, she’s grinning ear to ear, an immaculate smile for the cameras.

From the other shows, the person who comes off worse is Sebastian from BiB due to an infamous incident where he who wore his father’s army uniform to a party, then ended up stripping for a bunch of girls and pinning his dad’s medals to his boxer shorts, right where his willy was.

The girls kissed and he got a hard-on while the medals clanged and jangled, all on TV, and people were so offended there were even protests outside the TV studio fronted by ex-veterans demanding he got sacked.

I do not know how he managed to squirm his way out of that one, but he’s sitting at a nearby table.

Mind you, he is so oily it looks like he could slip off his seat.

When the camera pans to him afterwards, he does make an ‘I’m soooo sorry’ face at the camera, but then I see, because I see everything , as soon as the camera leaves him he makes a wanking motion to his table mates and laughs.

What an entitled sod – he probably thinks he’s too rich to care about what anyone thinks.

As the montage ends, huge searchlights strobe across the crowds, stopping on Reed, then Sebastian and finally Samantha. A drumroll thunders through the speakers as they announce that next year there’s going to be a new category: Reality TV Star of the Year.

“Oh my god, Angelica you could win that,” whispers Madison.

Leo leans over, and says, “I heard from an insider that the TV execs will be watching you, Samantha, Damon and a few from COC and BIB over the coming months, tracking how your popularity grows. It’s a real money-spinner too, whoever wins this award will be showered in brand deals and there’s a charity donation, too. ”

So, it’s more than just that moment where I can thank Mam and Dad on stage, in fact, it’s an opportunity not just to pay for their rent but maybe even buy them their own house so they never have to worry about rent again.

I can almost see the possibility, the trophy shining bright in my future.

It feels within reach. Then I glance at the other table. Samantha winks at me.

“What’s that about?” I ask.

“One of my friends on the other table was saying she’s already started campaigning,” Leo says.

“She thinks she’s going to have lobby even harder since she’s the voice rather than the face of the show.

Why do you think she’s on the other table?

She switched name tags so she could be near Gerald!

She wanted him to introduce her to all his industry friends. ”

We all look over to the table, and I’m relieved to see that Gerald is not getting charmed by Samantha, but instead he’s standing up, gently stroking both the chihuahua and the bicep of a man holding a little goggly-eyed dog.

She’s sitting with her arms crossed, frowning and scanning the audience – presumably for anyone important enough to buttonhole.

“It’s a stupid plan,” laughs Layla. “Gerald would not want anybody cock-blocking him. He’s determined to go home with someone tonight, he told me in the limo.”

I laugh – all the supposedly scandalous things we got up to in the house? Everyone else in the industry is doing it too. Just not on film.

It’s then that Samantha sidles up behind me.

“Oh, hi,” I say. “We missed you on our table!” It’s not entirely false, Samantha can be hilarious, when she’s in the right mood.

In fact, I bet its why she’ll be in the running for the award despite not being on camera.

Her voiceovers are often genius - even if she did get all her best laughs and lines riffing off the silly stuff I got up to!

But she doesn’t look like she’s in a joking mood now.

“Yeah right,” she says, before lowering her voice, and whispering into my ear. “If you think that award’s yours, think again.”

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